I have been hit, kicked, punched choked , bitten, had my hair pulled, had knives thrown at me

[dumpsterdog]

Man , oh man... .does this sound familiar... .I have been hit, kicked, punched choked , bitten, had my hair pulled, had knives thrown at me, been attacked by a hammer and a candlestick, had my belongings destroyed,  ( my favorite clothes cut to shreds,  and then she hid my clothes under the bed , and when i found them and asked her why... .she said " i didn't do it "... .duh.we are the only two at the house... )been lied to , cheated on, had the police called to the house NUMEROUS TIMES ( like once a month for years )... .It was a Live in relationship  ( she owned the house ) for 6 years, and she kicked me out 3 times... .she even let my dogs out of the yard after taking their identification off and telling me " good luck finding them "... .at one point she called me and she was driving around town with my drumset in her truck , telling me unless i gave her 500$ she would sell them at a pawn shop... .what a night mare for 6 years... .oh yeah, and there was the time she had locked me out of the house. ( which she did routinely if i said something she didn't want to hear... .i would walk out to get the mail and she would lock every door in the house, forcing me to crawl in through the dog door and then she would call the police for " trespassing "( she owned the house , but i lived there and the address was on my license )... I climbed on the roof to try and get in a window once, fell off and broke a rib and severely sprained an ankle, i crawled to the front door, knocked and called all night ... she refused to opne the door and left me laying there really hurting all night... and even called the police to send an ambulance , instead of just letting me in the house to try and fix myself... .hey dude... .get the picture ?    it will only get worse... .you know,,?... the only reason i'm not still with her is that i went to visit my real family in another state for Christmas, and was severely injured in accident ( building collapsed on me )... .broke 11 ribs and two bones in my knee, torn meniscus and acl... .doc says no psychical activity for about 12 weeks, so i cant travel... .)... .and if it weren't for this fairly major accident i would be right back there knocking on her door begging for more abuse at this very moment... .EVEN THOUGHT SHE TOLD ME SHE DIDNT WANT ME AROUND, AND BLOCKED THE PHONE , EMAIL AND ALL SOCIAL MEDIA ON ,ME... .we were talking every day on the phone, and one day she said something rude, and i told her she was being rude and didn't want to talk to her... and hung up... .then she flipped and totally kicked me out of her life instead of JUST OWNING UP TO BEING RUDE AND SAYING SORRY... .THEY WILL NEVER , EVER ADMIT FAULT... AND WHEN THEY ARE AT FAULT THEY WILL PUNISH YOU FOR RECOGNIZING IT...

seriously... i should get a gold medal for the gallant effort i've put forth to try to win her trust...

IT AINT GONNA EVER WORK ... .AT LEAST NOT WITH HER... by the way i'm a good solid citizen , college degree, go getter , always making a good income, put other s before myself , kind to animals... etc... .a reallly solid man... .and she just beats the crap out of me every chance she gets... .

run, dude, run,, SERIOUSLY... SAVE YOURSELF. I had to have a major / life threatening accident to get me to spend enough time away from her to realize this... .save your own life and  RUN NOW.

[Skip]

have been hit, kicked, punched choked , bitten, had my hair pulled, had knives thrown at me, been attacked by a hammer and a candlestick, had my belongings destroyed,  ( my favorite clothes cut to shreds,  and then she hid my clothes under the bed , and when i found them and asked her why... .she said " i didn't do it "... .duh.we are the only two at the house... )been lied to , cheated on, had the police called to the house NUMEROUS TIMES ( like once a month for years )... .It was a Live in relationship  ( she owned the house ) for 6 years, and she kicked me out 3 times... .she even let my dogs out of the yard after taking their identification off and telling me " good luck finding them "... .at one point she called me and she was driving around town with my drumset in her truck , telling me unless i gave her 500$ she would sell them at a pawn shop... .

to answer your question or what is the real message i want her to get in brief... ." I love you, I know you have scary secrets, i understand, i want to be there with you, you can trust me. "


Any time I approach the fact that Im trying to9 support her... she immediately goes on a rampage of distortions and delusions of things that i did that " made her " hit me, or cheat, or break my stuff ... whatever... i can never seem to get her to acknowledge that she understands that i love her unconditionally and will stick with her if she just takes responsibility and stops blaming me for everything.

tragic.

And you want to go back? Can you unpack that a bit?

[pearlsw]

Hi dumpsterdog,

Oh my, you have been through so much! I can hear a lot of fear and anger and pain in your words.

Have you had much time to examine yourself over this and make sense of how this all happened? What kept you in this? Did you hope it would change? Do you not feel you deserved better? What was it all about for you as you look back?

wishing you lots of happiness, pearl.

[dumpsterdog]

The hoest truth... .what kept me involved in this... .self medication... .and i felt guilty about that and kept trying to make her understand i wasnt a loser etc... .
she really knew how to push my buttons... .and i just couldnt let it go because i wass and still am trying to fix it.
and then i wonder if its not just my fault... the crazy making at its finest.

[pearlsw]

Hi dumpsterdog,

Can you talk more about the self-medication? You felt you had a point to prove in being with her? You were trying to "prove" to her that you were good? Had you made mistakes of some kind? Or was this just something that you came into the relationship with?

What do you think drives this urge to fix things? (I think this is something a lot of us have!)

What makes you doubt/blame yourself?

~pearl.

[dumpsterdog]

you asked about the self medication... i had had a drug addiction 4 years prior to meeting her, i had gone through drug court / rehab/ and had cleaned my self up totally and was in  a very good place... .and then she came along and life was perfect... beautiful women asked me to live with her in a mortgae free house , cooked , did laundry, plenty of loving, her dogs, my dogs,,etc... .it rea;;y seemed TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE ... .then when it got bad suddenly, i sstarted leaving hte house to get out of thi line of fire, then i started dabbling in my old habit... .then she caught me at it once... then from that point on ... .for the next five years everytime i called her on her bad behavior... .she went straight for the throat " you stayed aout all nite and you did drugs "... .yes i di  that a few times, but it was not habitually and it was years ago... she never could let it go for the next five years... .and then everytime she kicked me out, i would slip again because i just didnt really care if i lived or died... .so to answer the question... .she caught me being bad once or thwice and spent the next 5 years trying to concinve her i was a bad guy... .did everything a man is suppossed to do to show love , caring and compassion, evven hired a maid so she wouldnt have to clean... it WAS NEVER ENOUGH... BECAUSE ANYTIME SOMETHING DIDNT GO HER WAY SHE WENT STRAIGHT BACK TO... .YOU ABUSED ME " YOU STAY OUT AND DO DRUGS "... .FOR HER IT WAS ALWAYS PRESENT TENSE, SHE COULD NEVER LET IT GO... .She would punch me in the face , with both hands like a oragatang... .one time i grabbed her by the wrists and told her to  ' STOPHITTING ME ' and pushed her back away from me, and she hit the wall and broke the drywall with her butt ( no comment )... .and then started tellin peopl that i " throw her through walls " and purposely would not get it fixed so she could show people... .

basically i dont want ot be in volved with that ... .right.?
you are so right... .what in the hell is  GOOD ABOUT ANY OF THIS... soft skin, lots of sex in the first year... .that about all.  i can get over that... .but it sucks... the BETRAYAL is what sucks... .the being PLAYED is what sucks... .

advice ... reasonings.? thoughts ?

[GaGrl]

My first thought is that this would be the best time for you to get help exploring your needs and actions as this relationship unraveled over the past four years. It is concerning to hear you would consider going back for more of here abuse. There is much good and potential for your future happiness that depends on your exploring your self.

Are you seeing a therapist/counselor now? Can you get set up with one pretty quickly?

[dumpsterdog]

gargl... no no therapist... only boards right now/

[TheTruth]

Been there done all that  . It's amazing how similar all these stories are. I agree. You aren't going to change them overnight. It will take much much effort. Good luck and congrats on seeking help.

[Jeffree]

what in the hell is  GOOD ABOUT ANY OF THIS... soft skin, lots of sex in the first year... .that about all.  i can get over that... .but it sucks... the BETRAYAL is what sucks... .the being PLAYED is what sucks... .

advice ... reasonings.? thoughts ?

Sir, you deserve a break.

I can certainly relate.

My STBx was a dream come true, but I now see that my dream was forged out of human excrement.

For some reason I thought fantastic plentiful s3x with a beautiful pin-up style bombshell who couldn't get enough of me and treated me so wonderfully was the end all be all now-I-can-die-in-peace event of a lifetime.

It was perfect while it lasted, which was about a year. It ended with me looking across the island in my kitchen at my beautiful sexy wife in nothing but a bra and panties being horrendous toward me for the umpteenth time about some made up bull and me finally realizing I once thought the view of this beauty was all I needed, and now I can't be rid of her soon enough.

About all I can say is that it was nice to have experienced all the good, but it wasn't really real.

J