Tables have turned...

[Depression = 72% of members]

After many years of covert abuse, passionate love, and my ex admitting she is an untreated BP (but doesn't want to put a label on it... ) we were reconciled and she was trying hard. While still throwing in some moments to remind me she is in control, and that she would never change.

So something turned off in me. I took it for over 20 years, but recently when she played a couple mind games, it hit me how at peace I was with the last time I was NC for  a few years, how I don't feel the same, how she will never get treatment and help herself. Then I ignored her last text and call. I'm not mad, not hurting, not feeling anything that I felt for years when she would stonewall, give me the silent treatment. All the years I was in the codependent fog.

It's gone and feels wonderful.

I simply wish her well.

It feels empowering to take myself back and let her know those days are over, in the covert way she dishes out. Then again this is probably war in her mind. I don't want to give her the 'talk' I simply choose not to ... She knows she's abusive. As she hunts down anyone who cares about me, I just don't care. They will find out what she is like eventually. I don't know what is right or wrong. I just want to be free and take care of me.

[Cazz787]

After many years of covert abuse, passionate love, and my ex admitting she is an untreated BP (but doesn't want to put a label on it... ) we were reconciled and she was trying hard. While still throwing in some moments to remind me she is in control, and that she would never change.

So something turned off in me. I took it for over 20 years, but recently when she played a couple mind games, it hit me how at peace I was with the last time I was NC for  a few years, how I don't feel the same, how she will never get treatment and help herself. Then I ignored her last text and call. I'm not mad, not hurting, not feeling anything that I felt for years when she would stonewall, give me the silent treatment. All the years I was in the codependent fog.

It's gone and feels wonderful.

I simply wish her well.

It feels empowering to take myself back and let her know those days are over, in the covert way she dishes out. Then again this is probably war in her mind. I don't want to give her the 'talk' I simply choose not to ... She knows she's abusive. As she hunts down anyone who cares about me, I just don't care. They will find out what she is like eventually. I don't know what is right or wrong. I just want to be free and take care of me.

[Michelle27]

That's a great attitude.  I wish I could just "wish him well".  I am a believer in Karma, so while I would never actively try to hurt him, I am secretly hoping that Karma will take care of him.  On one level, I know it has to... .unless he gets intense therapy, I know he'll never truly be happy in a normal, mutually loving relationship (it'll all be about what he gets out of it... .supply).  Maybe one day I'll get to that point, but for now, I need to worry about me... .taking care of myself and making sure I heal all of the things that allowed me to get into the relationship, stay for 15 years and allow myself to become so emotionally damaged that I have to work hard to heal.

[Jonathan Ricciardi]

Cazz if you or anyone else is here is still emotionally involved with their ex.  If they weren't who would come here? No one, if your truly over someone you don't come to a web page and brag, it is just a given.

Michelle I hate to say it, but Karma is a non-existent belief, and it serves no one any good to wish ill will on someone. Its a little BPD trait.

[Inharmsway]

Jon,

Perhaps what you are saying is correct to a certain extent. But not all who is here is still emotionally tied to their exes. I'm not gonna be defensive either.

I personally linger on here for the invaluable lesson I continue to derive from other people's experiences. And where appropriate,  other members validate newbies like myself, confirming that we weren't losing our minds after all.  I stumbled on this site whilst frantically googling around on "push/pull" and the crazy making that goes with. Its through this forum that I learnt what BPD is. I also came to the realization that I also had issues thus I stayed in that type of relationship.

It's only fair but not an obligation for those who've walked this path and healed to also coach,  validate and perhaps guide new members who've just discovered the what they are dealing with.

[Cazz787]

Thank you, inharmsway. I most certainly did not come on here to brag. I am still learning. And what I hate most is I'm bitter from this experience. Something I never was in life, regardless of what I went through. Now, thanks to her, and what I had not known about myself, I am.

I suffered for almost 28 years with this woman. If you took this as my being a braggart Jon, so be it.

I was simply venting to how I feel. Sharing. Because that's what all of this is about.

I have a feeling I will need this site and the people here til the end of my time.

Michelle, I believe you will get there, and hopefully without the anger and bitterness.

[Pretty Woman]

Jon, I wouldn't say Cazz is bragging. I think he is experiencing realization.

Of course we are all on here because we are still affected in some way. I know I can never ever take my ex back. I know I would only be hurt worse. Yet I do think about her and sometimes I do miss the good times.

I miss my abuser. That is effed up. I know this, yet I am still farther along in my recovery than I was a year ago.

This is a place to get through that. This is a place to speak and to be heard.

Karma. Well people believe in what they believe in. I wouldn't label anyone BPD for believing in that though. You seem very angry. Are you mad? I am just asking because all these two people were doing were venting.

Lets remember... .we are all at different stages in our healing. This should be a safe zone.

PW