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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: Another music thread. Is there a song that describes your “Dance”?  (Read 515 times)
JNChell
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« on: April 04, 2018, 08:16:30 PM »

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=euy4A5niG8Q

This one was sent to me by a good friend a couple of months ago. It hits home. How do you interpret it?
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« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2018, 08:33:06 PM »

Ok, I’ll add one that I used to think applied when we were actually together.

https://youtu.be/2PM8jzeFmqI
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« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2018, 08:55:34 PM »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qI1ondD4FGU

hope you enjoy the video

Its beautifully created and i feel like it resonates so well with me.
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« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2018, 09:01:21 PM »

Also this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOUSIbOYR5Y
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« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2018, 09:24:23 PM »

It’s hard for me to pick a song for the dance, as in a way there was no dance at all. There was just this song when she abruptly went NC and when I finally put things together:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jvTa6ldOzsE

There are few others but I’m done processing and it’s all behind now.

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« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2018, 08:13:54 AM »

This is not so much about the Dance, but more about what it means to lose that special relationship 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?list=PLg-jS7VWuFqeV4mXI265tW0Paff7pxWG6&params=OAFIAVgp&v=DtyHvjTJK1E&mode=NORMAL
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JNChell
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« Reply #6 on: April 05, 2018, 07:21:31 PM »

Sirnut, correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe Graham Parsons covered and recorded that song.
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« Reply #7 on: April 05, 2018, 07:30:03 PM »

Sirnut.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SvHn99dwGmE
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« Reply #8 on: April 05, 2018, 07:37:24 PM »

stixx44, Hi!
I hear parts of that song loud and clear. Over and over being the meat and potatoes. Don’t hesitate to post another if you’re compelled.
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« Reply #9 on: April 05, 2018, 07:45:57 PM »

CryWolf, thanks for posting. What is it about that song/video that you identify with?
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« Reply #10 on: April 05, 2018, 07:50:56 PM »

Hey The Cat in d Hat!
I can relate to wanting to turn her back into a stranger. The reality is, that that’s not reality, bro. I enjoyed the instrumental break in that song.
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« Reply #11 on: April 05, 2018, 07:51:53 PM »

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SvHn99dwGmE
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« Reply #12 on: April 05, 2018, 07:56:31 PM »

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=H49obsV6oZ0
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« Reply #13 on: April 05, 2018, 08:06:33 PM »

JNChell,

Ok... .I’m compelled... .

Here is a song that SHE sent me a scant two weeks ago:

https://youtu.be/ERirtprLkPU

Stixx44
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« Reply #14 on: April 05, 2018, 08:10:39 PM »

https://youtu.be/9uUfF1tkbns

This pretty much sums it up

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« Reply #15 on: April 05, 2018, 08:12:57 PM »

stixx44, I’m sorry.   That had to be bitter. Am I correct in remembering that that was the last communication that you had from her?
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« Reply #16 on: April 05, 2018, 08:19:09 PM »

I Am Redeemed ! When I was trying to sleep last night, I was trying to put a song around “roping the wind”.

Maybe all of us can start a song here? For real. Whoever is up for it, whoever is willing to start it, let’s write a song.
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« Reply #17 on: April 05, 2018, 08:55:31 PM »

JN,

Yes.  In the same text she said she was a fool and she waited so long for me.

I just let it go.
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« Reply #18 on: April 06, 2018, 02:31:06 AM »

CryWolf, thanks for posting. What is it about that song/video that you identify with?

First song I heard when we started dating. I didnt know about her BPD and didnt know if she was playing me or what by everything. She did lie to me about certain things when we met, but i also think she may have been splitting. The video also shows a girl that is confused, lost trying to fight her demons and stray away from them. @46 seconds the music starts to downtempo and its like our partner starts splitting and the mood/feelings all change into despair and hurt they are feeling.

Second song lyrics:
"For each forgotten kiss,
For all the memories,
For all the times a look,
Said all we had to say,
You played your part so well,
A modern Romeo,
You came on Cupids wings,
And then you flew away,
When you touched my face
When you call my name
I'm burned with desire
But you left me in the rain
For every sleepless night,
Forever in your arms,
For every hour spent,
Lost in the reverie,
You broke your promises,
No shame and no regrets,
You burned the bridges too,
An endless mystery.
When you touched my face
When you call my name
I'm burned with desire
But you left me in the rain"


I feel a lot of us dealing with BPD partners that are detaching can relate to these lyrics.
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« Reply #19 on: April 06, 2018, 12:37:00 PM »

Hey The Cat in d Hat!
I can relate to wanting to turn her back into a stranger. The reality is, that that’s not reality, bro. I enjoyed the instrumental break in that song.

I’m glad that’s the line you picked up. You’re right, WE can’t make them strangers. However, take a guess who can make us strangers and just walk away... .

This one more reflected back when she said screw it, then came back, then screw it, then back again, then screw it, then finally discarded and disappeared. One of my generally favorite songs.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mWQIOBhwonc



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« Reply #20 on: April 07, 2018, 07:07:39 AM »

Thanks JNChell

Here’s the earliest version of Last Thing on my Mind that I could find, originally by Tom Paxton. Somehow it seems to capture what I’ve just experienced some decades after the song was recorded ...

Are you going away with no word of farewell
Will there be not a trace left behind
I could have loved you better, didn’t mean to be unkind
Oh you know that was the last thing on my mind

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=voqL5ksOuoo
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« Reply #21 on: April 07, 2018, 03:42:42 PM »

When I heard this after she ghosted me, it made me laugh (because it's absurd), but it also fits.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbgT70vuyAQ
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« Reply #22 on: April 07, 2018, 04:43:03 PM »

https://youtu.be/0_Yhnu3MBeE
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« Reply #23 on: April 08, 2018, 08:06:23 AM »

Thank you, Sirnut!
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« Reply #24 on: April 08, 2018, 08:14:27 AM »

Gunit! Thanks for the post.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) I’m a musician. I lean towards Southern fried genres when it comes to my playing. I don’t care much for rap, but there are a couple that I like a lot. Eminem is one of them. He is quite controversial, but I “hear” a lot of what he says. I appreciate a lot of his lyrics.
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« Reply #25 on: April 08, 2018, 08:25:58 AM »

Hey, kfry2679! It’s been ages since I’ve heard that song! Takes me back. My ex and pretty much every female in her family are man haters. I’m not generalizing anything here. It’s just that men were the cause of all of their problems. Guess what? She disclosed this on our second date in so many words. I still pursued. There is no one to look at but me. Thanks for the song!
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« Reply #26 on: April 08, 2018, 08:58:02 AM »

I’d beg, steal and borrow
I’m so damn good at sorrow
And you don’t care enough for me to cry


This is the last verse to the song I posted. The whole song rings true, but the end is the nutshell. I was very good at sorrow. This is part of what attracted my ex to me, and me to her. We bonded over unhealthy aspects of our lives. The aspects that we bonded over were intense, and that intensity came with us. We didn’t even realize what was happening.
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« Reply #27 on: April 08, 2018, 10:25:31 AM »

Hey, kfry2679! It’s been ages since I’ve heard that song! Takes me back. My ex and pretty much every female in her family are man haters. I’m not generalizing anything here. It’s just that men were the cause of all of their problems. Guess what? She disclosed this on our second date in so many words. I still pursued. There is no one to look at but me. Thanks for the song!

I'm glad you appreciated it! I am a person who tries to find the humor in things as soon as possible, but my goodness has she made it hard. That song really helped.

And yes, mine told me openly in our second or third conversation that "When something hurts too much, I just avoid it or stop talking to them." Oh. Okay. Let me stay with you for a year anyway.
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« Reply #28 on: April 08, 2018, 10:28:55 AM »

Also this one, lyrically, is just amazing. And it's not too well known. It's called "The Mason" by Jake Scott and fits in really nicely when trying to "forgive yourself" for a BPDx.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MO0DQXa4PVo
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« Reply #29 on: April 08, 2018, 10:42:05 AM »

Holy crap, kfry2679! That is the theme song for this! He definitely gets it. Thank you for the song.
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« Reply #30 on: April 08, 2018, 02:41:33 PM »

JN Chell,

Roping the wind sounds like a great analogy as well for loving a pwBPD. You can wear yourself out trying the impossible.

Also reminds me of the sound of music... .

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

Also in that song:

How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

I feel like I based my life around trying to find the answers to questions like these.

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« Reply #31 on: April 08, 2018, 10:06:15 PM »

https://youtu.be/7ILUiMIWc24

Or

https://youtu.be/DviKFt70Bp8

I just held on... .until I couldn’t
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« Reply #32 on: April 10, 2018, 07:54:35 PM »

Mustbeabetterway, “In The Blood” made me cry. I’d never heard it before. I was glad when John Mayer exited the main stream. Thank you for the song.
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« Reply #33 on: April 11, 2018, 11:51:54 AM »

Not a song, but a poem I wrote -

My heart crystalline
Baked by the words I didn’t want to hear
But couldn’t shut out

Sticky gooey sweet emotion rose up in a
swirling mist
evaporated

Hope trembled no more
Fallen to the floor like stemware
Hitting the counter
I couldn’t catch it.




Who knew it was breakable?


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« Reply #34 on: April 11, 2018, 05:45:38 PM »

Jennifer Warnes I know a heartache when I see one.
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« Reply #35 on: April 14, 2018, 11:25:14 AM »

 Very nice, Mustbeabetterway. Thank you for sharing.
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« Reply #36 on: April 14, 2018, 11:27:51 AM »

SWLSR, I will give it a listen. Thanks for contributing to the thread! Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #37 on: April 14, 2018, 02:56:59 PM »

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GBbRrvJt8G8
 
Adding this one. There are no lyrics. Sometimes the instrumental stuff speaks as well. Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #38 on: April 14, 2018, 09:31:23 PM »

JNChell, music is so healing, thanks for starting this thread. I’m a pianist and playing takes me to another place.   “In the Blood” really speaks to me, glad you enjoyed it.

I’ve also been listening to “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac- always a favorite of mine.
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« Reply #39 on: April 15, 2018, 05:26:12 AM »

Agreed, Mustbeabetterway. Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) Music can definitely be therapeutic to many. On the flip side, I’ve found it to be triggering at times as well. I can hear a song that she and I shared and become very emotional. Things are getting a little better, though. Recently, I’ve been reading through some of my earlier posts. I’m far from being truly healed and at peace with myself, but I can honestly say that I’ve made some progress. It’s reassuring.

I’m glad that you’ve been finding this thread helpful. How are things going for you in your detaching process? I hope you’re having a nice weekend, Mustbeabetterway. Being cool (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #40 on: April 16, 2018, 10:45:45 PM »

Hi there, JNChell,  still struggling with detaching, but making progress.  Little by little I am moving forward.  How’s your progress? 

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« Reply #41 on: April 17, 2018, 04:34:14 PM »

"Is there a song that describes your ":)ance"?

For me it would be, "You could be my baby", on the Just Crazy Enough album, by SHEL.

My deal: Older woman, much younger musician with "mommy issues" which developed into an alluring cocktail of Cluster B disorders. Nothing about the pairing was realistic other than each other's "itch". 

He broke it off suddenly, after a seven-month Soulmate dance that seemed to take place on another planet.

After the "it's over" text accompanied by a laundry list of wild-ass Totally false crazed-accusations, FOLLOWED by love notes, pleadings, FOLLOWED by wild-ass Totally false crazed-accusations.  All because I interrupted him (that was it! I did an unscheduled 'cross-talk'. Crazy!

Over that next week -- He loved me, He hated me. It was a swinging door and he really, really wanted buy-in for each cycle. But, I had been through the spin already, once before.

For me, this song by SHEL will Always be the signature tune for this just-ended, CRAZY based-on-music love affair.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZaPHfOhq7I
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« Reply #42 on: April 20, 2018, 07:27:09 PM »

For any angry members and fans of gritty music.


https://youtu.be/N3-e0eJZBi4
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« Reply #43 on: April 21, 2018, 04:18:01 PM »

For any angry members and fans of gritty music.


https://youtu.be/N3-e0eJZBi4

Oh. Yeah. I get it.
So great!

No blinking! No sneezing ~ Shallow breathing Only:
For all the times ExBPD would say, "I might be hallucinating, but when I look at you I see the Monster Face again," I dedicate THIS to him.

(Actually, I have a people-pleaser face which, actually is why he was attracted to me ~*~ But THIS would do!)
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« Reply #44 on: April 23, 2018, 02:06:21 PM »

"one step forwards and two steps back, this kinda dance canl never lastttttt"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTHCwU9rUdY
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« Reply #45 on: April 23, 2018, 05:04:32 PM »

Hey there, Mustbeabetterway! I’m sorry for my late reply. Things have been rather hectic lately, but should start to smooth out soon.

Thanks for asking, and I’m happy to hear that you’re moving forward with your detaching. Keep your eye on the prize. We will get there. I had an emotional setback over the weekend, but I’m doing as well as I can be with everything. The support here is amazing. If I didn’t start participating with this support group, I think that things could potentially be very stunted in my recovery. It’s folks like you that help on a daily basis. Thank you for checking in.
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« Reply #46 on: April 23, 2018, 05:07:43 PM »

Lady gaga song, a million reason to leave, give one reason to stay.  Idk what the title is
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« Reply #47 on: April 23, 2018, 05:15:21 PM »

Hi, I Am Redeemed! I apologize for my late response, and thank you for contributing to the thread. Smiling (click to insert in post)

I feel like I based my life around trying to find the answers to questions like these.

I’m with you on this. Do you possibly feel like you based your life around these questions long before you met your person/s wBPD? Have you been able to take these feelings back in time in a sense, and evaluate them in relation to your FOO? I apologize for not reading your back story before asking these questions. I’ve been very busy recently, and have a window to do some catching up here this evening. Please bare with me. Thank you for getting involved in the thread. Your input helps all of us. Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
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JNChell
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« Reply #48 on: April 23, 2018, 05:24:24 PM »

Hi, Ex2BPD!

You could be my baby, you seem just crazy enough

What is it about this song that signifies your dance with your pwBPD? The chorus immediately stuck out to me. Are you ok with interpreting how this song has meaning to you within your experience?
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
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« Reply #49 on: April 23, 2018, 05:39:24 PM »

Hello, TheSomberlain. Thanks for adding to the thread. I enjoy my share of metal, so this is a pleasant surprise. Megadeth, Metallica, Pantera, Iron Maiden, AssJack. I may be a little further down the road age wise, but those are some bands that have stuck with me for their musical talent and message. In my “old age” of 41, I’m very immersed in songwriters. You know, folky Americana type stuff. I’ll always have my favorite, The Allman Brothers Band, but I’m a musician and can appreciate any genre.

Yet I still come, like a moth to a flame in assurance of pain

We knew it, at least on some level, but we kept allowing it back into our lives. Why do you think we did this?
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
********
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« Reply #50 on: April 23, 2018, 05:52:45 PM »

Cromwell, I’m glad that you joined the thread! Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) I’ve not heard that band before, but I like them. They have a similar ring to the Traveling Wilbury’s. Not sure if you’re familiar. They were a compilation project with some heavy hitters. They’re worth checking out.

What is conveyed in that song is very true in our experiences. That back and forth follows us even when we’re no longer around our exes. It’s like our feelings and emotions got some what conditioned to the treatment. We allowed ourselves to be pushed and pulled so much, that it still lingers in odd and almost unnoticeable ways. Cromwell, thanks for the contribution.
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
JNChell
a.k.a. "WTL"
********
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Dissolved
Posts: 3520



« Reply #51 on: April 23, 2018, 06:02:21 PM »

Hi, juju2!  Thanks for participating in the thread!

And if you say something that you might even mean
It's hard to even fathom which parts I should believe


This verse stuck out to me. My ex would say things that it seemed like she really meant. And I believe that she did in the moment. The problem is, it was never sustainable for her. It would pass her by quickly. What was it like for you when your ex would tell you something that felt sincere, but wasn’t followed through on?
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
-a new friend
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