She and her boyfriend were seen at my gym

[Maxpax2011]

Greetings, everyone knows my previous details about my relationship with my ex, but I just wanted to throw out some updated details. I am a little nervous and getting anxiety over it. As I said before she called the cops on me for harassment, and of course nothing came of it. Anyways, I go to the gym as I said before in my hometown, it is a privately owned gym, you have to be a member to go, you pay monthly dues, My ex lives in the next town over, in another state. She has been going to the same gym in that town for years. Tonight I was informed by a friend that her and the new boyfriend were spotted there, and another friend told me they tagged each other in a Facebook post about going there. She knows from our previous conversations that I go there, and she all the sudden now goes there with the Boyfriend, it is at least 15 minutes from where she lives. Her gym was only down the road from her house. This can't be a coincidence. My question is would she really go to these lengths to set me up or to antagonize me? Has anyone dealt with this type of behavior before? I know her she wouldn't just change gyms like this, especially when she has told people for years how much she enjoyed her gym. Also this comes 3 weeks after she called the cops on me, so if anyone has some advice, or maybe some guidance on how to handle this, please share, I want to cancel my membership, and I want to move away from here, I don't want to live like this, what else is she going to do?

[Dargumin]

Greetings, everyone knows my previous details about my relationship with my ex, but I just wanted to throw out some updated details. I am a little nervous and getting anxiety over it. As I said before she called the cops on me for harassment, and of course nothing came of it. Anyways, I go to the gym as I said before in my hometown, it is a privately owned gym, you have to be a member to go, you pay monthly dues, My ex lives in the next town over, in another state. She has been going to the same gym in that town for years. Tonight I was informed by a friend that her and the new boyfriend were spotted there, and another friend told me they tagged each other in a Facebook post about going there. She knows from our previous conversations that I go there, and she all the sudden now goes there with the Boyfriend, it is at least 15 minutes from where she lives. Her gym was only down the road from her house. This can't be a coincidence. My question is would she really go to these lengths to set me up or to antagonize me? Has anyone dealt with this type of behavior before? I know her she wouldn't just change gyms like this, especially when she has told people for years how much she enjoyed her gym. Also this comes 3 weeks after she called the cops on me, so if anyone has some advice, or maybe some guidance on how to handle this, please share, I want to cancel my membership, and I want to move away from here, I don't want to live like this, what else is she going to do?

Continue to attend. Speak not one word to her.  If she approaches you say nothing back,  but call the cops and accuse her of harassment. 
If she doesn't approach you and is just trying to get a reaction from you then you can either leave or ride it out without reacting, which will infuriate her.   If you both continue to attend for long enough you might enjoy front row tickets when this next relationship blows up, hell you and the new guy might become gym buddies... .presuming he is not aware that he is being used to provoke a reaction from you. 

[Maxpax2011]

Continue to attend. Speak not one word to her.  If she approaches you say nothing back,  call the cops and accuse her of harassment.  

Are you sure that is a good idea? I mean she already called the cops on me once, and she is clearly looking to set me up, I could be putting myself in a very volatile situation, I wouldn't be so worried, but she knows from our past conversations that I go there. And I do know from friends in town that all they do is fight and break up like her past relationships, so obviously I would be running into a hornets nest haha. Well the crazy thing is, I think he knows what she is doing, and I think he enjoys the drama, he seems toxic just like her. He has in the past tried to instigate confrontations with me. I do have my phone with me and I could put it on record if something ever happens, also I know what vehicle she drives so I could always scan the parking lot before going in to see if she is there.

[Turkish]

If you see her car,  leaving to avoid drama is an option to avoid possible escalation,  though it sucks to have to adjust your life so. 

If you are there,  I wouldn't necessarily leave if she shows up with bf, but I'd be wary of being caught anywhere alone in the facility.  Given that there is a log or scan record of your long and regular attendance,  that works in your favor if she might try anything.

[Maxpax2011]

If you see her car,  leaving to avoid drama is an option to avoid possible escalation,  though it sucks to have to adjust your life so. 

If you are there,  I wouldn't necessarily leave if she shows up with bf, but I'd be wary of being caught anywhere alone in the facility.  Given that there is a log or scan record of your long and regular attendance,  that works in your favor if she might try anything.

They do have a scanner for when you check in, that will work in my favor, and the options are there for me, this just sucks, I never thought I would have to deal with this, after the cops I thought it would be over. The cops told both of us to stay away from each other, and since she is not, this means she is looking to start something with me, just crazy stuff that I never thought I would have to deal with, what else is going to happen? She tells people that I am harassing her, and stalking her, yet she starts going to the same gym I go to, knowing I go there? Just crazy.

[Turkish]

If the cops told both of you,  then it might indeed be a good point to alert the cops. Maybe not at the scene,  but a call or visit to note her attendance. Her visits will be logged as well. My personal tendency would be to find a new gym if possible, but that's me,  and I'm not in your shoes. 

[Dargumin]

Are you sure that is a good idea? I mean she already called the cops on me once, and she is clearly looking to set me up, I could be putting myself in a very volatile situation, I wouldn't be so worried, but she knows from our past conversations that I go there. And I do know from friends in town that all they do is fight and break up like her past relationships, so obviously I would be running into a hornets nest haha. Well the crazy thing is, I think he knows what she is doing, and I think he enjoys the drama, he seems toxic just like her. He has in the past tried to instigate confrontations with me. I do have my phone with me and I could put it on record if something ever happens, also I know what vehicle she drives so I could always scan the parking lot before going in to see if she is there.

The point I'm trying to make is the cops aren't just for her to use.  If she does harass you then you have every right to complain to them. 
If he seems a toxic character also then then this becomes difficult as 2 vs 1 situation is quite unpleasant.  Do you think you could speak to the gym management and explain the situation? Possibly get them barred? or explain you will leave otherwise? 

[Maxpax2011]

The point I'm trying to make is the cops aren't just for her to use.  If she does harass you then you have every right to complain to them. 
If he seems a toxic character also then then this becomes difficult as 2 vs 1 situation is quite unpleasant.  Do you think you could speak to the gym management and explain the situation? Possibly get them barred? or explain you will leave otherwise? 

I think I will just cancel my membership and go elsewhere. Its not worth the hassle. Even if I get them barred or avoid them in some way. She will still try something else. I think it's best I just remind myself from the situation. It isn't worth it anymore. If she is that desperate to change gyms and spend the money in order to get a reaction out of me there's no telling what she will do if I run into her. It couple be triangulation, jealousy game, victim playing, see if I still want her who knows who cares I'm done.

[truthbeknown]

Its amazing what lengths they will go through.  When i was in the devalue stage in my last week with her we ran into her ex husband.  She told me just before we approached the driveway, "my ex is going to think i have so many boyfriends because (this other guy) and me ran into him (her ex) yesterday.  I wish everyday that i had said the following to her ex husband, "i'm sorry (his name) apparently your ex wife is just using me to hurt you and i don't agree with that.  In fact it seems like you guys have some unfinished business and you have beautiful kids so maybe you can talk this out.  She is still mad you sent her the divorce papers because she never thought you would do it.  Underneath it all i think she still loves you but she's afraid of something that happened in your past will resurface.  I think you're a good man and i can no longer be used by her to get back at you or make you jealous."  and then i would have turned to my exgf and said goodbye.  But i didn't and that's what bothers me more then anything is that i got passive and wanted to talk to her about it.  Because her kids were around we couldn't and next time together she used sex to keep me quiet.  I'm telling you this because if he is a good guy then eventually he will get tired of being used by her and won't stand for it.  Right now she is probably doing the same thing to him that my ex did to me to keep me quiet.  However, after the sex she devalued me and then i was done too!  so I walked away after that and now she is using her new bf to do the same to me.  She has had her friends tell me about him, they have posted pics on facebook and she showed up at an event that i wanted to go to but decided to bail due to my intuition telling me that the new guy would be paraded there.  Just 3 weeks ago she texted me and acted like nothing happened.

Ever see the movie "the wedding singer" with Adam Sandler?   Remember when his gf comes back and sleeps in his VAN Halen shirt and he says, "get out of here psycho and take off that shirt before you jinx the band and they break up!"    That's exactly how i felt, how crazy to come back and text me after parading your new boyfriend around.  I responded by saying that i preferred not to be in contact at this point and she retaliated by posting new pics of her and her boyfriend on her fb page (a friend told me).  Why can't they just let us go? 

It was  passover/easter when she contacted me and i just kept thinking "let my people go" but the Pharaoh could not as the story goes.  He let them go only to want to hunt them down after being provoked as a coward by his wife.   I think that this voice (of thinking that they must get revenge or be seen as a coward) is the influencing factor in their brains?   It's not healthy.   Maybe go at different times then what would be considered normal for you just for awhile? 

Good luck.  it's difficult.

[Maxpax2011]

Its amazing what lengths they will go through.  When i was in the devalue stage in my last week with her we ran into her ex husband.  She told me just before we approached the driveway, "my ex is going to think i have so many boyfriends because (this other guy) and me ran into him (her ex) yesterday.  I wish everyday that i had said the following to her ex husband, "i'm sorry (his name) apparently your ex wife is just using me to hurt you and i don't agree with that.  In fact it seems like you guys have some unfinished business and you have beautiful kids so maybe you can talk this out.  She is still mad you sent her the divorce papers because she never thought you would do it.  Underneath it all i think she still loves you but she's afraid of something that happened in your past will resurface.  I think you're a good man and i can no longer be used by her to get back at you or make you jealous."  and then i would have turned to my exgf and said goodbye.  But i didn't and that's what bothers me more then anything is that i got passive and wanted to talk to her about it.  Because her kids were around we couldn't and next time together she used sex to keep me quiet.  I'm telling you this because if he is a good guy then eventually he will get tired of being used by her and won't stand for it.  Right now she is probably doing the same thing to him that my ex did to me to keep me quiet.  However, after the sex she devalued me and then i was done too!  so I walked away after that and now she is using her new bf to do the same to me.  She has had her friends tell me about him, they have posted pics on facebook and she showed up at an event that i wanted to go to but decided to bail due to my intuition telling me that the new guy would be paraded there.  Just 3 weeks ago she texted me and acted like nothing happened.

Ever see the movie "the wedding singer" with Adam Sandler?   Remember when his gf comes back and sleeps in his VAN Halen shirt and he says, "get out of here psycho and take off that shirt before you jinx the band and they break up!"    That's exactly how i felt, how crazy to come back and text me after parading your new boyfriend around.  I responded by saying that i preferred not to be in contact at this point and she retaliated by posting new pics of her and her boyfriend on her fb page (a friend told me).  Why can't they just let us go? 

It was  passover/easter when she contacted me and i just kept thinking "let my people go" but the Pharaoh could not as the story goes.  He let them go only to want to hunt them down after being provoked as a coward by his wife.   I think that this voice (of thinking that they must get revenge or be seen as a coward) is the influencing factor in their brains?   It's not healthy.   Maybe go at different times then what would be considered normal for you just for awhile? 

Good luck.  it's difficult.

I am really sorry you went through that, especially with kids involved, and your right, they are driven by revenge or they would feel weak or not in control of themselves, very sad, I tried many times to get along with her, but she is still so angry about the break up. Not much you can do with people who can't control their emotions. And I appreciate the advice, like I said I am just going to stop going, not worth the hassle.

[Maxpax2011]

If the cops told both of you,  then it might indeed be a good point to alert the cops. Maybe not at the scene,  but a call or visit to note her attendance. Her visits will be logged as well. My personal tendency would be to find a new gym if possible, but that's me,  and I'm not in your shoes. 

Your right, I am just going elsewhere, best option for me is to remove myself from the drama, and not give her any ammo, she thrives on it, like a drug, and I won't be giving her any.

[Insom]

I am just going elsewhere, best option for me is to remove myself from the drama, and not give her any ammo, she thrives on it, like a drug, and I won't be giving her any.

Good choice, Maxpax2011. 

Have you picked out the gym you'd like to switch to?  (Fun chance to try a new workout?)

[truthbeknown]

I wish there was an empathy vaccination or anti-dote to lack of empathy.    Hopefully someone will come up with the cure during our lifetimes

Sad that we have to accommodate so much.  Good luck!

[Maxpax2011]

Good choice, Maxpax2011. 

Have you picked out the gym you'd like to switch to?  (Fun chance to try a new workout?)

Not yet, I thought about just working out at home, buying my own weight set.

[Maxpax2011]

I wish there was an empathy vaccination or anti-dote to lack of empathy.    Hopefully someone will come up with the cure during our lifetimes

Sad that we have to accommodate so much.  Good luck!

I agree, but as I learned that is the price you pay for allowing a disordered person into your life, I take it as a learning experience.