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Author Topic: I Reached Out, She Replied, I Feel Lighter  (Read 441 times)
1stTimer
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« on: June 16, 2018, 03:12:26 PM »

Not sure if I'm supposed to or allowed to 'split' out a discussion but I had one in ':)etaching' which is now more in Bettering (not sure if reversing remains to be seen) so thought I'd start a thread for the group of people trying to Better/Reverse both feedback and example.

You can read the Detaching thread here

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=325808.0;all

After much discussion and guidance, I decided to reach out to her.

We'd had a blow out last meeting two months ago when she told me I was a great guy but didnt want a relationship with me after months and months of pressure and a final month where I was pressured specifically to be in one, ask for one, and then officially ask (as if we were getting married), followed by our first night together as an official bf/gf couple and an intennnnse future bomb from her. The blow-up day in question was the very next day, I did not handle it well having felt manipulated for months into giving every part of me to a relationship she wanted and then having her yank it away the moment I did.  Yelled at her 'thanks for opening my heart I'm going to go date!' and left. Expected her to contact me to explain that she'd gotten cold feet and didn't handle it well, she never did. I was shocked.  Eventually sent her a nice letter 3 weeks later (1 month ago) without rancor telling her how much she'd meant to me, how I wished her the best, and how I'd always remember her for opening my heart. Got a weird reply 'thank you for your nice note. hope you've been well'. Did NOT reply as it was so strangely devoid of reciprocation, acknowledgement, etc.

Spent a good deal of time in the Detatching board with a lot of 'she sucked you were treated horribly' which felt good and was true but didn't really touch on the reality from her side and my behavior (vs just blaming her for having BPD). One of the moderators there was pretty on top of my stuff about that until I 'got it'.

Anyway. With much trepidation I sent her my first communication in a month, the second since the big blow up, and again the blow-up was one day after she was basically planning our entire future and I'd made an official 'will you be my girlfriend' request over a First Date Dinner.

My text was:

Walking in the Park
Beautiful Day
It reminds me of you
I hope you are well

I expected her to blow it off, angry at me or moved on.
OR
I expected her to wait for 2-3 days as she had with the other while she processed and to not seem 'desperate'.
OR
I expected it to germinate in her for days or weeks or months

But. I got a reply in a few minutes:

"Hi thank you and I hope you are well too such a nice day talk to you later?"

Every part of that I like. It was almost immediate. She didn't just end with " hope you are well too such a nice day" which would have been ambigious and she didn't just end with "talk soon" which would have been (to my mind) "I'll reach out if I want". She ended with "talk soon?" which seems to me to be both an inviation and a question as if she is not sure I want to.

Now lots could be going on; she could be happy in love in a new relationship and my text didn't bother her in the slightest as she skipped down the block in love. Though why even bother with huge drama ex you almost committed your life to 2 months ago?

Or she could have been waiting to her from me, happy, and wanting to re-engage.

I'll keep everyone posted but right now I feel pounds lighter and don't feel like I've rengaged a pwBPD, the more I've looked at this the more I feel like two people with some serious past issues got their wires tangled wrong and *might* have a second chance. As I posted in the Detatching I withheld from her for months, not ready for a relationship and it turns out not only hid from her how much I cared about her but hid it from myself too.

Oh btw this is the reply I sent:

"I'd like that"




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1stTimer
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Gender: Male
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2018, 04:01:47 PM »

I wanted to point out that, come from this what may, the advice (struggle) in the other thread while painful was hugely instructive and helpful. I'd be approaching this from the same place I left it, trying to get answers on why she was so mean/horrible to me when all I tried to do was give her what she wanted and so nicely at that :| I'm guessing even my text to her carried the new understanding I have of how I impacted her. Whatever comes of it I'm in a much better position to both listen and communicate. And wherever she is, IF we end up talking she'll be experiencing a different 'me' and I'm gathering the one she fell for in the first place.
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