My ex wanted to be a nun. Did your's want to be something she wasn't?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

It's incredible, isn't it?

I don't remember the extenuating circumstances around this one, but at a certain point my ex was entertaining joining a nunnery. At first, I joked that she'd make one hell of a hot nun. But she was serious, and I could feel my heart begin to sink.

I asked if she realized that she'd have to leave us all and give up her worldly possessions. She said she knew that and even showed me where she was getting her information from.

I was dumbfounded.

She never did join a nunnery, but it just seems as though all things were possible all at once and the thought that her words and actions affected anyone else never seemed to register.

J Split from https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=325679

[Jeffree]

It's incredible, isn't it?

I don't remember the extenuating circumstances around this one, but at a certain point my ex was entertaining joining a nunnery. At first, I joked that she'd make one hell of a hot nun. But she was serious, and I could feel my heart begin to sink.

I asked if she realized that she'd have to leave us all and give up her worldly possessions. She said she knew that and even showed me where she was getting her information from.

I was dumbfounded.

She never did join a nunnery, but it just seems as though all things were possible all at once and the thought that her words and actions affected anyone else never seemed to register.

J Split from https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=325679

[Turkish]

My ex told me that she had considered becoming a nun.  How do feelings like this align with how a pwBPD feels?

[Husband321]

It's incredible, isn't it?

She never did join a nunnery, but it just seems as though all things were possible all at once and the thought that her words and actions affected anyone else never seemed to register.

J

Exactly...

I would ask her "But just last week you were trying to get pregnant and we talked to several real estate agents here?"  Her response would be "Well at that time, that is what I wanted. Now I don't like this state anymore"

Then she actually did move, tried out 3 different states in 3 months, and then called to tell me how "good she is doing" and "why cant I be happy for her?"

That lasted a couple weeks and then she asked me to take her back again. When I told her I had a gf, she then told me did too. ... And that she is now gay...

[Cromwell]

Mines wanted to be a Doctor, the irony being, she made me the sickest id ever felt in my entire life.

what ive started to notice a lot more on these posts is where pwBPD gets ideas of putting themselves into socially-looked up to professions, almost a form of validation mask to the world that they must be a good person, or at least, seen as one?

Its strange how I dont feel those warm feelings that were what kept me hooked in, I dont hate her but theres increasingly a different perspective coming in, more anti-social personality disorder - where when I looked at all the traits, the overlap is huge. there was very little difference besides my ex using alcohol and drugs that otherwise she kept the antisocialness under control - to some extent.

becoming stuff like nun invokes straight away "wolf in sheepskin" imagery.

it resonates with falling for the wrong person, I fell because the red flags were there early on, I even tried to split up, but in the end I dumbed down my intuition and "bought in" to what was offered instead. She sold an illusion harder than anyone else has ever and I also met her at a time where I was vulnerable and open for it. "disillusioned" seems to fit easier than "heartbroken" does, "loving" her that early on isnt love at all it is falling in love with the "idea" of falling in love. and I continued out of a sense of pride, thinking that whatever issues there were, id manage to iron out, ignorant to what I was actually up against.

[Husband321]

Mines wanted to be a Doctor, the irony being, she made me the sickest id ever felt in my entire life.

what ive started to notice a lot more on these posts is where pwBPD gets ideas of putting themselves into socially-looked up to professions, almost a form of validation mask to the world that they must be a good person, or at least, seen as one?

Its strange how I dont feel those warm feelings that were what kept me hooked in, I dont hate her but theres increasingly a different perspective coming in, more anti-social personality disorder - where when I looked at all the traits, the overlap is huge. there was very little difference besides my ex using alcohol and drugs that otherwise she kept the antisocialness under control - to some extent.

becoming stuff like nun invokes straight away "wolf in sheepskin" imagery.

it resonates with falling for the wrong person, I fell because the red flags were there early on, I even tried to split up, but in the end I dumbed down my intuition and "bought in" to what was offered instead. She sold an illusion harder than anyone else has ever and I also met her at a time where I was vulnerable and open for it. "disillusioned" seems to fit easier than "heartbroken" does, "loving" her that early on isnt love at all it is falling in love with the "idea" of falling in love. and I continued out of a sense of pride, thinking that whatever issues there were, id manage to iron out, ignorant to what I was actually up against.

This could be its own thread.

Mine went everywhere telling everyone she was a personal trainer. Because it made her happy for people to reach their goals.

Then she also wanted to be a nutritionist, because it made her happy for people to be healthy.

But yes. She left a trail of destruction with whomever she came into contact with. And she told she was a sociopath on many occasions.  So I could see the "sheep in wolfs clothing analogy".

I think he beginning She would also say her downfall was being an "empath" and that being so caring hurts.  But on the flip side she actually has no empathy for those she is close to.  Her kids.  Husband. Mom. Dad. Family.  Friends etc.

[Cromwell]

of course they are empaths, how convenient to extrapolate that towards becoming judge, jury and executioner at having that skill to differentiate between "good" and "evil" amongst those they come across.

the cheating, the mind games, the deceit, the gaslighting, the stalking and more, all justified and no guilt attached due to her "ability to read a person like a book" and of course she revealed me as a bad person deserving of all of this; therefore no guilt on her part due to her refined high powered lens of being an "empath".

the reason I dont go for therapy is the fear id have someone like her sitting in the chair opposite me. she isnt high functioning so all the fantasies about these (always high status roles in society) wont come to much, but it did make me wonder about the HF ones who do.

my ex knew that I was in a vulnerable stage in life when we met, she turned all her behaviour around and presented it as "tough love" as if she was role playing as a self appointed therapist who specialised in sadism as a way to bring out positive change in the "subject".

reality check: i worked myself stupid in supporting her, keeping her out of the catastrophes she got herself continually into and rather than appreciate it this was a way to turn the tables and make out she was doing something for me instead. The fact that I got hit heavily by this cruelty does not mean I should appreciate her for giving me some enlightened life experience that there are disturbed people out there you can fall in love with - nothing more than if I got life experience from miraculously escaping an inferno in a high rise tower, thankful of having some scars but living to share the experience.

my ex wasnt smart, although I used to believe she was, she was a perfect plagiarist at sounding like she knew what she was talking about by mimicing people who did and parroting it back. where is she now? in a fast food restaurant that her current "favourite person" gave her the job.  She seems content, the reason being, there is no high demands of adopting that sort of personality like there would be a doctor - something that would require real continous work each day for years of your life, in short, it cant be plagiarised its very hard to be a phoney.

i have a lot of contacts in law enforcement, one of the ones who hires police officers told me he gets a high number of recruits who say the reason they want the job is to "help people", to which his reply is "why dont you be a social worker then?"

shifting that towards what you said about her wanting to be a nutritionist, it does put a ? mark in my mind that she never mentioned first and foremost an interest in nutrition but instead chose an answer that has the added benefit of making her appear as a "savior" and good person.

its just a shame that with all this effort towards trying to appear as a good person could have been spent actually being one or at least becoming one.

[gilac]

True.

In my 2 yr relationship much of the time was dealing with her problems. Her family issues. Her court and new parenting plan. Her taxes. Car accident. Helping to start a business for her etc etc.

Then one day she receives a final dispersement for her inheritance. (A week prior we  were house hunting, she was trying to get pregnant etc)

Out of the blue she is just like "I'm not sure what I want to do with this money. I might want to live in Colorado(across the country from me) . I might move to a different country"

At that moment I saw who she really was. She also could not understand how on earth I would be hurt or upset for her to do such a thing. As if I didn't even exist and she is talking to a random stranger.

That's when I questioned  what was real. What was love. What was manipulation. Etc etc

Reading this hits home, different circumstances, but same template.

She was in problems, I was healing her 24/7,we finally found her a new flat (as closer to mine, her wish, of course) and immediately she starts questioning everything, changing college, her attitude about everything turns around 180° and so on, talking about her millionth "change" in her life and so on... .I also felt like a complete stranger.

One would think that after all of this the bond would be as stronger as ever, but the BPD cliche tells a different story in those situations and that's why it hurts.

[EdR]

Cromwell, you did it again in this thread. Great posts! I really think you are on to something here.

Let's take a look at my last two close experiences with a pwBPD: both of them eventually wanted to enter the legal profession.
Coincidence? I don't think so... .

It's actually quite hard to swallow, how could someone who twists the truth and downright lies and isn't able to reflect on her own mistakes or talk things through... .how could someone like that be in the legal profession? (unfortunately I feel at least one of them will be)

[blooming]

Mine wanted to be a vet, and then later he wanted to be a detective, but he didn't get through the selection process for both studies.

[Jeffree]

i worked myself stupid in supporting her, keeping her out of the catastrophes she got herself continually into and rather than appreciate it this was a way to turn the tables and make out she was doing something for me instead. The fact that I got hit heavily by this cruelty does not mean I should appreciate her for giving me some enlightened life experience that there are disturbed people out there you can fall in love with - nothing more than if I got life experience from miraculously escaping an inferno in a high rise tower, thankful of having some scars but living to share the experience.

Cromwell, thanks for the share. As I read the section above my eyes filled with tears because after not hearing from or seeing my ex for about 6 weeks, she popped into the house on a day I had taken off work yesterday to see her son while she was in the neighborhood picking up the divorce papers my L her L so she can be served.

She calls me downstairs while I was relaxing to ask if I would be willing to mediate a settlement. This, after I had put forth mediation proposal after mediation proposal with her lawyering up over this issue of child support "because she was scared." For 20 mins she proceeded to justify to me why she owes me nothing, to which I said then why would you even bring up mediation. You might be right and I very well might deserve nothing, but I want to hear that from a judge and not you. To which she burst out into tears.

Major Lie #1 - She'll tell me she wants to mediate, but really is not willing to mediate anything. Mediation requires actually taking into account my side of things, which she hasn't done for years IN THE LEAST. Her form of mediation is to browbeat me and threaten me into financial submission even more than she already has. Oh, but she will tell anyone and everyone how she did more than her fair share in the marriage, was even willing to mediate a fair resolution, but I am so angry at her because he knows she's the best woman I'll ever have and now I want to destroy her. Yet somehow I'm the one $58K in CC debt, taking care of her bio kids basic needs, her friggin cats, have the crap she couldn't take with her in my garage and basement, while she feels no need to pay back anything or provide any support to the home she abandoned.

Major Lie #2 - At one point in this asinine conversation she claimed I wanted to get back with her because I told her, which I did, "now I have to start over with a very slim chance of ever finding someone to love the way I loved her." However, at no point did I say let's not do this and let's get back together. All along I just wanted her out of my life despite how much love I used to have for her because she was being that destructive to me and my life and the lives of her bio kids. She has zero proof anywhere of me ever asking her not to do move out. As a matter of fact, I am the one who first brought up divorce and initiated it, and had spend the last year trying to figure out a way to physically remove myself from her.

Major Lie #3 - There is this issue of $12K she had willfully pulled out of her 401k to supposedly help me pay off her 1/2 of one of the two cards with a ton of debt on it. All along I knew I wasn't going to receive a single penny of that money. Yet I followed suit and made a similar withdrawal. She, again, proceeds to tell me she had every intention of paying that down with me, but when I said I was going to file bankruptcy she wasn't going to give me money for something I was going to write off anyway. OK... .so I tell her that would have prevented me from filing, and you knew that. Yet what actually happened was that you miraculously needed that money all of the sudden to move after I found you having some extramarital shenanigans.

The lies and then the vigor with which she still came at me as if I am some kind of leech who just wants to destroy her financially (when I am the one dying while she just walked away scot-free) has put me in an emotional free fall where I can identify so much with what your experience was, Cromwell. I am sorry you went through it, too.

I guess I've moved this out of just random weird musings of our pwBPD and into lies they tell themselves and others about their intent. Either way, feel free to move back into our regularly scheduled programming here, or share the lies.

J

[Cromwell]

Cromwell, you did it again in this thread. Great posts! I really think you are on to something here.

Let's take a look at my last two close experiences with a pwBPD: both of them eventually wanted to enter the legal profession.
Coincidence? I don't think so... .

It's actually quite hard to swallow, how could someone who twists the truth and downright lies and isn't able to reflect on her own mistakes or talk things through... .how could someone like that be in the legal profession? (unfortunately I feel at least one of them will be)

Thanks Edr, admittingly I was quite drunk when I posted. 

Well the legal profession is looked up to as a corner stone in society of trust and integrity, justice. Seems like a good cloak to wear for self validation if thats what is being thought after.

[spacecadet]

Mine was a moderator on a message board providing advice about relationships and mental health.