Untangling vehicles, advice wanted

[juju2]

Hi family,

Anyone w experience on untangling co owned vehicles.

We have two, w loans.  He is main owner, i am co owner.

As a last resort, i could turn the vehicle i drive in to the company that carries the loan.  I have a drivable car, back up car, that i can drive.  This is our last entanglement.
Thank you very much!
j

[MeandThee29]

Others may know more than I do, but I know that a friend of mine refinanced the car loan in only her name. She was worried about it because her income was lower, but she got it. He had some paperwork to sign for both the title and the loan.

Mine has a car he bought in only his name after we separated, and I have three cars here titled in both of our names, one with a loan. I'm concerned that may be a problem down the road, but I'm not wanting to pursue that right now. I don't have the income to refinance the car loan at this point, and my college kids drive the other two.

[juju2]

Hi everyone.

he asked if he could call today, he asked if the moving of his things could be delayed.  He said i started plans for removing his belongings, after he told me he was in a r/s.  He wanted me to know that he sees this new r/s is likely over,  he wanted me to know.  He also said he misses me... .
i listened to him, and agreed for the time being to delay moving his things.  I will see what develops... .
He is reaching out... .
all i could do was validate his feelings and then, said i need to get off the phone, something i need to do.  Am trying to be cool.  Have been reading up on relationship dynamics, and if he is reaching out, the best thing for me is to be calm, and not get excited.  Lukewarm, is how i was.  This is the most he has communicated to me in months... .

j

[formflier]

Juju,

I like the refinance idea.  Have him refinance and remove your name.

Do you have a loan on one or two vehicles with him?

Confirm your backup vehicle is yours... and yours alone... no loans.

I would encourage him to hurry up and "detangle" your mess... .so that the only thing you guys have to discuss... .is the status of your relationship.

So... clarity... .I would recommend you say you can't delay moving the things out.

He may or may not be trying to manipulate.  That's not your concern.  All these entanglements have been thorns for you guys... .regardless of the long term outcome of your r/s... .best to remove them.

Boundaries!  Less complications!  

And... .if you don't feel like being a harda$$... perhaps let him know if he hurries with the refinance... you will have flexibility on moving stuff out.  (see how you are "helping" him and he is "helping" you)

You are saying yes to him... and he should be saying yes to you.  If he wants all the yeses and wants you to take all the nos... .what does that tell you?

FF

[MeandThee29]

all i could do was validate his feelings and then, said i need to get off the phone, something i need to do.  Am trying to be cool.  Have been reading up on relationship dynamics, and if he is reaching out, the best thing for me is to be calm, and not get excited.  Lukewarm, is how i was.  This is the most he has communicated to me in months... .

I went "gray rock" or lukewarm when mine was here getting his stuff, and it frustrated him, LOL. It wasn't hard to do because I had to do something to keep my composure, and lashing out never worked.

He said that I was boring and didn't care about anything much.

[juju2]

Hi F.
am going to talk to our lender on the expensive vehicle that i drive ... .one year later  my credit is horrible and he told me his is also... .
Am in a bit of a holding pattern, for the next couple of weeks... .he did reach out, and share a lot of information... .so am digesting the new information... .watchful waiting to see what actions follow... .
All of his stuff, is our stuff we had from the beginning.  So i knew what i was getting in to... .
Thank you for your support!
j

[juju2]

So, my back up vehicle is older, it runs, its all mine, it was the daily driver for me before getting the new truck last year.  he didnt make any comment on my email about getting the vehicles in one name.

am taking this one step at a time, to see if he really does miss me, and asks for plans for us to see one another.   I will know soon enough. 

thank you all, j

[formflier]

 
If credit is horrible... .then the adverse impact of turning in the vehicle should be minimal... correct?

Compare that to the impact of detangling your relationship?

Juju2... .I'm concerned that your plan is waiting to see his plan or see "if he misses you".  How has that worked out in the past?

   

FF

[juju2]

I get it F.
for me, this day, it works.

Tomorrow could be another thing.

am not playing chess.  am coming from
what feels ok from my gut.

[formflier]

I wish you the best juju2


How can we best support you as you consider things?

FF