New daughter in law, how to keep my relationship with son?

[Sad motherinlaw]

My only son recently married a young bright woman displaying all the signs of BPD.   For many years I was a single mother and my son and I have always been very close. I had always hoped I would be close to my sons spouse. No matter what kindness I tried to show her, she seems to twist it and now my son thinks that her issues are just typical daughter-in-law and mother in law issues. I have given her two pieces of priceless family heirloom jewelry With barely a thank you.  I’m a designer and stylist who has done mock ups for many weddings  for hotel advertising. Before the wedding my daughter was asking for flower suggestions.  I set up a Pinterest page and sent her links with things that sounded like what she was interested in. I was not the wedding planner or florist. My Pinterest suggestions caused her so much stress and anxiety that she and my son had to have an emergency pre-marriage counseling session with the therapist. All I did was send links to pictures of flowers. I don’t even know how to have a conversation with this person anymore and I am so sad.  I recently found out that all of my friends that I had on the wedding list did not come because they did not receive invitations. My son assures me the invitations were mailed. I really don’t want to be paranoid, but I feel like this girl is doing some devious tricks to separate me from my son. I’m trying to decide which one of us is crazy. I also want to know how to keep a relationship with my son and any future children I have. I am so distressed. I’ve always thought of myself as an open loving welcoming person.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[JNChell]

Hi, Sad motherinlaw. Thank you for bringing your story to our community. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, but you’ve found a good place to lay your burden down. Welcome.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Is it safe to say that you believe your son is being manipulated by your daughter in law? It also sounds like you’re catching this early which is a good thing. Do you have any goals in mind that you’d like to see happen within this dynamic?

This sounds so tough and confusing. I wanted to reach out and offer my support. I may not be the best person to offer you any real advice regarding your situation, but better minds will be along shortly. I’m sorry that you had to find us, but glad that you did.