DD told her 5 year old she hopes he is kidnapped and killed

[Tinkerbelle]

Well today  DD told her 5 year old she hopes he is kudnapoed and killed. These rages and abuse have to stop. Any advice?
Thank you,
Tinkerbelle

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

That is awful, were you there Tinkerbelle or did you GC tell you?

[Tinkerbelle]

I was told by both grandsons. I left a message with her CPS worker and will tell the boy’s councelor.I will beg CPS not to tell her the exact info or where it came from so we do not lose our ability to help the boys.What do you think?

[Harri]

I agree that what she said to the kids is verbal and emotional abuse. 

As grandparents the best thing you can do is to keep being there for the kids.  Take care of yourselves so you can help them too.  Validation of their feelings and perceptions will go a long way.  Listen to them and ask how they feel and maybe draw pictures if they don't have the words to say it.  I spend most of my time on the Parent Sibling and In-:aw board where many of us were raised by a mentally ill parent.  So many  of us were 'saved' by having even just one person who could validate us and give us unconditional love.  Someone who could see us and who showed they cared.  A huge smile on your face and letting your eyes shine will go a long way.  Give them opportunities to relax and laugh and just be kids.

I hope things get better for all of you.   

[wendydarling]

Your GS's trust you, as Harri says that they can reach out to you, keep being there. What kind of contact are you having with them at the moment?

[Tinkerbelle]

Hi,
We see them at least 4 days a week and they stay over at least
2 -3 nights a week... They NEVER want to go home and if we do not help buy food, clothes and take to Dr. appointments it does not happen.The 4 year old is spanked if he gets ill and vomits or has an accident in his pants but otherwise he is her favorite. The 5 year old said today that for a very long time she has been telling him she hates him and last week  that she wishes he would be kidnapped and killed. It is heartbreaking. I pray that CPS will act before she hurts him more physically and the psychological trauma is awful.
Thank you
Tinkerbelle

[Only Human]

What you have posted is heartbreaking, Tinkerbelle. I'm so sorry your GC have had to endure so much. I hope CPS is able to help. You mentioned CPS encouraged you to take foster parent classes. What's the status on that?

~ OH

[Tinkerbelle]

Hi taking in 1 week

[Harri]

It sounds like you are doing all you can to help those kids and they are so fortunate to have you.

I too hope something is done soon that will hopefully help all of you.

[Only Human]

I'm glad things are moving forward with that, Tinkerbelle. As Harri said, being there for them, allowing them time to relax, laugh, just be kids, will go a long way in helping them feel loved, cared for.

My heart goes out to you all 

~ OH

[Tinkerbelle]

Thank you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Tinkerbelle]

Good news! Our grandchild  told of some of the abuse his mother ( DD) inflicted on him.

Better yet a family friend from on her own, called  yesterday and told our CPS worker a great deal since she has known DD since DD was 1 year old... Turns out DD has been telling CPS we are NOT spportive. Shocking and unreal!CPS  knows  of (DD’s) mental illness now. I pray CPS removes them before she physically hurts her children again. Professionals told me this could be next... .I could walk away from the abuse, lies, pain of having this daughter I do not know or trust. Very sad to be at this point.
Tinkerbelle

[Turkish]

5 yo, babysitting a 4 yo, not good... .how did you learn of this? From your family friend?

[Only Human]

Your 5 year old grandson being interviewed by CPS is indeed good news,  Tinkerbelle.

He told you he was left at home alone with his little brother while their mom went to the grocery store. Was he interviewed before or after this incident?  I ask because if they were left alone before he was interviewed, there's a chance he shared this with the SW.

Either way, I would report the incident to CPS.

In my case, I was reporting new information directly to  the SW who was assigned to the case. I have since been told, by a CPS supervisor, it was best to make a new report for each incident since every report must be acted on; the more reports the better.

~ OH

[Tinkerbelle]

Our grandchild told me and is believable. A new report for this can cut us off from them and we are their only safety link... DD says the next time we call CPS  we will not see the boys again, (so I am being very careful not to do that.)This is entirely possible since one week ago she married the guy who she was arrested with. She is pregnant and his parents just told DD he has issues mentally/ addiction? Not sure what to believe but it is sad since he seemed nice and the boys like him. DD is so self-distructive it blows my mind.We are taking them whenever asked if we are physically able.I am getting them to counselor asap, reading the validation book you recommended,reading children’s books to them  about verbal abuse and we attend CPS recommended foster parent class next week-end. It is sad to be scrambling to save these children and know she intentionally got pregnant

[Only Human]

Hi Tinkerbelle,

I think you're doing great with all you have to deal with. I really hope something can be done to help your grandchildren. They are lucky to have you in their corner.

~ OH

[RedRyder]

Agreed.

Those babies are lucky to have you in their corner. Stay strong. 

[Tinkerbelle]

Hi  and thank you for your support.
So yesterday DD threw things at her husband ( turns out he is drug addict.) He left until today , she cut up his belongings

[Only Human]

I'm so sorry to hear things are so awful, Tinkerbelle.

I am keeping you all in my thoughts and hoping for the best outcome for you and your GC.

How are you coping? Are you taking time for self-care?

~ OH

[Tinkerbelle]

Thank you, OH.
Not able to do much since one crisis after another. Today DD’s husband was arrested for hiting her. He is in jail and she could be lying. It was awful,done to hurt him after  he left and now talking of termination of pregnancy but prob will not do.  CPS may get called by police.
Tinkerbelle

[wendydarling]

Tinkerbelle 

Along with everyone I'm here for you   

You know your DD well, you've been through so much over the years. I hope with you this is a stand still moment coming with CPS support for you and family. And your lovely friend who once worked in CPS, friends, our networks are magic.

Are you now mobile, your ankle?

WDx 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Tinkerbelle]

Hi wendydarling,
Thank you for your support. I am more mobile. This is good since the grandchildren have been here so much. So today DD and her husband went to court  and they were both thrown in jail  6-7 days.We did not bail them out . I have this feeling DD may also be a Sociopath. She has hurt this poor new husband a lot with untrue charges of assault  threatening to terminate the pregnancy  etc. Police may tell CPS.
Tinkerbelle

[Only Human]

Here's a hug for you, Tinkerbelle 

And one for each GS   

Did CPS arrange the psych visit?

~ OH

[wendydarling]

I hope there is resolution for you all soon, contempt of court is yet more evidence, and you are able to get her to psych appointment Friday.

Good to hear you are more mobile, I can't imagine how difficult that was for you as well as frustrating. Easy does it 

[Tinkerbelle]

Hi ,
DD allowed me to go to psych visit. I shared info and DD got nasty, asked me to leave and it is clear to all of us, including DD that BPD is the diagnosis. She later apologized saying she was so upset because she does not want to have BPD and as usual struck out at me.I think Psych is also considering Bipolar diagnosis since she decreased high dose Antid and added a mood stabilizer. I feel hopeful and DD

[Music Ace]

You are dealing with so much, yet display such patience and kindness and empathy.

Admirable!

You are truly there for her and her family.

Wishing it works out well- especially for the grandchildren!

Ace

[Harri]

Thank you for the update Tinkerbell.  I hope things settle down for all of you. 

She later apologized saying she was so upset because she does not want to have BPD and as usual struck out at me.

I am sorry she struck out at you.  Previously, has she been able to express her feelings so clearly?  I am wondering if her saying she is upset about the BPD diagnosis is a new thing?

[Tinkerbelle]

It is

[Harri]

I was hoping that was the case.      The apology, saying she was upset and *why* she was upset seems like a pretty big thing even if she loses sight of that.  Little seeds taking root? 

[wendydarling]

Hi Tinkerbelle

We are wondering how you are?  

WDx