Consequences and boundaries

[RLONG429]

I lost my husband one year ago and my daughter lost her father. She has always struggled anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. After the loss of her father, she says spiraled which has caused me to spiral to helplessness. Her counselor suspected BPD (borderline personality disorder). But now she doesn’t go because she thinks she doesn’t need it. The last outburst was when I came home from a trip and discovered she had a party while I was gone. I get kids do that, but most clean up so much that the parent doesn’t know. She hid nothing and when I reacted she said what’s the problem, I didn’t do anything wrong. The situation escalated and I asked her to leave. Three days later she wanted to come home but I had conditions. She called the police on me and told them I was crazy. Long story short, according to the police, I can’t legally remove her until I have given her a 90 day eviction notice or file an order of protection. How can I expect her to follow basic rules of respect in my home when I have no rights to remove her.? What can I parent do?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[formflier]

You have found a group of people that "get it". 

I'm sorry for your loss, which is only compounded by the acting out your daughter is doing.

How old is your daughter?

Best,

FF

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello RLong
Welcome to the group. I am glad you are here. As FormFlier said people here get it. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. That has to be incredibly difficult for both you and your daughter. I am also sorry to hear about how your daughter's behavior has upset you so. Do you still want her out of the house? Are you going to do what the police told you to do?

[RLONG429]

I don’t want to remove her unless she can’t follow some basic house rules. She is 19. I just want to know how to make her accountable for her actions.

[FaithHopeLove]

Maybe this will help. Setting Boundaries

It is very hard to MAKE another person do anything particularly an adolescent with BPD. But it is very possible to set personal boundaries for yourself based on your own core values. I find this article to be very helpful in explaining how to do that. Perhaps you will too.