NEW to the Group / First Post: I know Im not alone here, thats why Ive reached out and joined this group. Need more support than talking to my therapist and venting with a friend. Ive read a couple books on BPD but Im not getting the progress I need in our relationship. My girlfriend has not been formally diagnosed for BPD but 1000% shes living with BPD. Heres my situation and some ol' fashioned venting:
My girlfriend and I had been for dating about 6months, having a great time together traveling, events, great sex, bonding, time with family all mixed in with the occasional fights, huge outbursts, blaming, accusations of distrust, threatening suicide if I leave here.
etc.
etc. not knowing the signs of BPD I continued to roll with it thinking she needed me and it was my job to be supportive and stick it through. Thinking too that it was just some early relationship bumps (some way bigger than others) and at its core I really love her. All my friends were warning me to quit but I stayed in it. Should have seen the red flags and bailed out, and so upset with myself I didn’t do so but we stayed together through horribly thick and thin.
Surprise! We found out we were pregnant 6 months into the relationship, shocked and happy we embraced the news and moved in together 3 months. Baby is coming soon, only 4 months away and now I'm feeling stuck, lost, resentful, hurt, sad, sick of being yelled at, tired of trying to navigate my conversations/mood as so not to set her off. Im not myself at all anymore. My friends and family all see it and are worried about me. Rightfully so am I.
On one hand Im so excited for the baby and how amazing our family could be, im probably way to optimistic, but my girlfriend is just getting more and more depressed, angry (at me for "ruining" her life), resentful toward me (because my "life is easy"), controlling/manipulative (changes my words around), tracking my location (thats another story)and never never trusts me. One minutes shes being sweet to me and the next shes getting angry and raising her voice over something so small - total Dr. Jeckl and Ms. Hyde. Here anger as escalated to her shoving me once and I just stood there and took it, crying and shocked on the inside. Here angry rages yelling that I sabotage things, I dont communicate, she ___ing hates me, I start these fires, I need to learn to treat her better, its my fault her life is fuct, she just spirals down and I cant get her back out. When these rages come out she cant shake it, it will last for at least a day or two... or shes fine the next day What the heck? This is a weekly occurrence and its absolutely exhausting. I dont know who I am going to see or talk to when I come home or send her a text message.
Add all this up and throw in that she has huuuge trust issues and fear I will leave her over the next pretty girl. Shes very insecure, thinks Im going to cheat on here, constantly asks who Im emailing/texting/talking. She makes up scenarios as if they will happen and gets angry at me. Ill be sitting on the couch doing my work emails and she will say out of the blue "Youre not talking to one of your ex's planning a date behind me are you?" OR I will go to a work event and she will tell me I was making secret plans or lying to her about where I am going just to get away... its crazy talk! I never have nor will I ever cheat or keep things from her but she treats me like Im a womanizing lyer. Im constantly tell her where I am going, time frames, who I am with, and I even share my location with her 24/7. She can track me anytime she wants, I have nothing to hide. She never sees me for who I truly am, a kind, loving, supportive, confident partner who will do anything for his friends/family... its who everyone else see who I am. It makes her angry and jealous that people constantly tell her how great I am.
At this point, Im getting sick of the fights, the blaming, the manipulations, the depression and then some. My therapist says I need to be careful and should leave, my best friend says GTFO, run for the hills, cut your losses, but I just can’t give up that easy. I want to see my baby boy grow up, I dont want the legal fight, I just want a normal life. Ive never been this sad about my life situation when this should be the happiest time of my life. I have an amazing career, family and friends who adore me, and I have a baby boy on the way. Meanwhile, my girlfriend who I love is suffering from her life with depression, anxiety, and BPD. She wont see her therapist anymore because she thinks we gang up on her and I don’t know how to fix all this. Im lost and could use the support, mainly… how do I get her into therapy for this and steer her and our life back in the right direction?
Thanks for reading all this, sorry for any grammar issues. I appreciate it.
