Bipolar or Borderline?

[Kiddle]

I am so very upset and scared for my son who is 23, and has been diagnosed as Bipolar 2 since the age of 15.  He had since been hospitalized, dual diagnosis treatment (likes stimulants because he gets depression so bad).  Several docs, many changes in meds, counseling, etc.  I have been spending so much money the last several years that I am about to have to sell my home.  I am his mom.  His dad is currently in a locked down facility for early dementia.  He had BPD.  I left the marriage because of his rages and instability.  Now my son is behaving just like his dad did.  So, I am wondering if he has Bipolar or BPD?  His meds dont seem to be working.  And I am being triggered a lot.  Seeing a therapist and have PTSD.  I think my son might too.  It is devastaing to help him all these years and not knowing what is going on?  He hasnt been diagnosef with BPD, but he has the characteristics. I can’t afford DBT treatment!  What do people do? Insurance doesn’t pay much for inpatient, and that is what he needs.  I can hardly be around him due to his rage lately- then he accuses me of not caring.  I am so upset, and out of ideas how to help him.  I cannot stand watching him self-destruct.  I tried to get dissability but was denied here in Texas.  He had lots of doctor support and was still denied, and the appeal was as well.  I cannot live with him.  I pay a small rent for a small appartment, but my money is running low.  He can only handle psrt-time jobs and even they don’t last very long.   I am 62.  What do parents do?  I am agraid for how his life will turn out without the right treatment!  I don’t have any ideas left, and I am so scared for him.  Suggestions anyone?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[stampingt1]

  Kiddle,

I am new to the group, too. My son is BPD 18.

Sorry that he was denied for disability. Unfortunately, I don't have any suggestions for you. It sounds like you have tried various kinds of treatment. Maybe other in the group will have ideas.

 
ST1

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Kiddle. It is good to meet you although I am sorry about the circumstances. You really do have a lot on your plate. The good news is you have come to the right place for help and support. Do you live in the US or the UK? I ask because the systems are different in each country. Once we know what system you are dealing with I am sure members will have good advice for you. Welcome!

[Mr. Dake]

Hi Kiddle,

When I read your description of your life, the word that came to mind was overwhelmingly.   Our 16 year-old daughter has not been diagnosed with BPD, but shares many of the characteristics, behaviors, and challenges.

I'd like to respond to the piece about your son being denied for disability.  I worked with homeless veterans, many of whom we supported in receiving social security disability.   There is the application, opportunity to appeal, opportunity to appeal again, followed by a hearing.  There are 4 swipes at the apple.  Many of my former clients quit after the first denial.  The stats that I remember are that 25% were approved upon initial application, 50% following the first appeal, and 50% following the second appeal.  One of our case managers was an expert with many years of experience.  According to her, the key was for the applicant to have a documented disability that resulted in the applicant not being able to work for a period in excess of one year.  My encouragement would be to persist through the process.

I'm new and this is a supportive group.  My experience, and recommendation, is to gather as much good support for yourself as possible.  My biggest regret is that my wife and I with not knowing where to get help struggles along by ourselves as long as we did.   We were busy, overwhelmed, and didn't know where to get good help.