My Spouse won’t get help.

[Sinead]

My spouse  and I had a few therapy sessions. The therapist recommended that my spouse undertake some personal therapy which he said he didn’t want or need. The therapist then suggested that my spouse was indeed depressed and should go see his Doctor. He again declined and stated that he didn’t believe that he was depressed and didn’t need to see a Doctor. He is extremely moody. Talks about himself constantly. Doesn’t seem to care about how my life is (I care for my elderly Mother & work part time). To the outside world he is charming and can’t do enough for people but when at home he watched the TV is always checking his Social Media & certainly doesn’t interact with me. He says that I abuse him! When I most certainly do not. I’ve always been kind and caring to him. At the present moment with my Mother being so elderly and needing a good bit more support these days I feel that walking away from the marriage would be difficult for me to handle (I know it’s difficult at any time) at this moment in time. Does anyone have any tips on how to live with someone that is so moody, self absorbed and couldn’t care less about my struggles. I feel very very sad about the whole decline of my marriage. I tried very hard to make things right. We do not have any children. I’m very lonely but keep the best side out for my Mother. Thank you.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[itsmeSnap]

Hey Sinead

Good to hear that you have a therapist.

Its definitely common that pwBPD have a hard time getting into therapy, so much so there's this article here: Getting a "Borderline" into Therapy

Does anyone have any tips on how to live with someone that is so moody, self absorbed and couldn’t care less about my struggles.

There's a lot of little changes you can make, mostly focused on yourself and how you react to his "moods".

From What does it take to be in a BPD relationship

Preserve Your Emotional Health: The intensity of emotional reactions, and the rage take a toll on even the strongest.  Since you cannot escape the natural human impulses to "recoil when raged" upon or "be overly protective" when idealized, it really important to have other outlets / escapes to keep yourself grounded. It's important not to become isolated. It's important to have a significant emotional support system for yourself (e.g., close friends) that goes beyond the relationship.

You mentioned taking care of your elderly mother, is there other family members who could provide a bit of extra support that you could lean on? Also, what about his moods would you say is the most difficult that you'd want to address first?