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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Constructively assimilating stress and other negative emotions  (Read 105 times)
Beneck
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« on: May 13, 2019, 04:15:06 PM »

Hey guys!  Welcome new member (click to insert in post)

I'm making this thread based on an idea that I had.

Facing my breakup with my ex caused, also due to other co-existing factors, stress to the point where I had to resort to mindfullness techniques.

Lately, things are better and I haven't had to use mindfullness that much. But that got me thinking...

What if the way I treat stress is... immature and suboptimal? Rather than trying to lessen it, perhaps I can learn to live with it WITHOUT diminishing it, to allow it to peacefully exist inside me, to "assimilate" it. Think of Pacman eating a ghost :p To grow comfortable whilst being stressed, if that makes sense :p

So lately, what I'm trying to do, with any negative emotion (stress, uncertainty, hurt etc) is to just... accept it, and not lessen it via mindfullness as much as I can. I've figured that such an approach will increase my overall functioning and quality of life in the future.

What do you guys think?
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itsmeSnap
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« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2019, 12:19:38 AM »

Excerpt
Rather than trying to lessen it, perhaps I can learn to live with it WITHOUT diminishing it, to allow it to peacefully exist inside me, to "assimilate" it.
Thing is, when you welcome and embrace anxiety it has a quirky habit of going away (kind of like my BPDexgf )

Stress isn't something that you should just live with, it literally kills people.

Excerpt
So lately, what I'm trying to do, with any negative emotion (stress, uncertainty, hurt etc) is to just... accept it
I've had anxiety issues for a long time. It worked for me 

It's not just experiencing it in the moment I think, its a signal of something that requires your attention (or so your body thinks). The goal is to figure out what is going and if it is really something that requires action/attention.

Resolving that stress, while not letting it overwhelm you, and at the same time not repressing it, is the name of the game.

Hey, if it was easy we wouldn't be talking about how to do it correctly right?

Excerpt
I've figured that such an approach will increase my overall functioning and quality of life in the future.
How did you come to that conclusion? I'm really curious about the thought process.
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Beneck
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« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2019, 02:58:00 AM »

Hey Snap!

Quote from: itsmeSnap
Thing is, when you welcome and embrace anxiety it has a quirky habit of going away

Are you saying that what I propose is, based on your personal experience, possible, but that it leads to elimination of anxiety?

Quote from: itsmeSnap
(kind of like my BPDexgf )

Lmaoo   same here

Quote from: itsmeSnap
Stress isn't something that you should just live with, it literally kills people.

That's certainly true, but at the same time, completete eradication of stress is impossible and unrealistic. To phrase what I'm wondering a little bit better, I'm thinking whether acceptance and tolerance of stress when it occurs is an overall better strategy.

But now you've got me thinking; if it doesn't go away on its own, it has to be managed, eventually, as it's not healthy. As I understand, stress is ok for short-term periods, but damages the body in all sort of ways in long-term periods.

Quote from: itsmeSnap
I've had anxiety issues for a long time. It worked for me 

That's great! Very glad to hear that about you and gives me hope about me, as well.

Would you describe yourself as more resilient to stress in general nowadays? More capable to act intelligently under pressure? That also is one of my goals, and I've been thinking that accepting stress could eventually lead to that.

Quote from: itsmeSnap
It's not just experiencing it in the moment I think, its a signal of something that requires your attention (or so your body thinks). The goal is to figure out what is going and if it is really something that requires action/attention.

That's a very interesting interpretation. I'll keep it in mind.

In my case for instance, I've felt a little bit of anxiety when I've said "yes" to something without really wanting to, or when I'm repressing my self and my self-expression in social interactions.

Quote from: itsmeSnap
Resolving that stress, while not letting it overwhelm you, and at the same time not repressing it, is the name of the game.

I think you hit the nail on the head here!

Quote from: itsmeSnap
How did you come to that conclusion? I'm really curious about the thought process.

Curiosity is a good thing! Well, I've figured that by the aforementioned strategy I'd do well in a stressful work enviroment (in the future). I guess that I want to be efficient in high stress enviroments like other people are. At the same time, I think this will help me in my life in general.

Thank you for chiming in Snap! I really appreciate your input!
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itsmeSnap
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« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2019, 07:28:20 PM »

Excerpt
Are you saying that what I propose is, based on your personal experience, possible, but that it leads to elimination of anxiety?
Yeah its a weird thing, when you embrace it, experience and process it, it loses much of its power, it stops being this big scary monster in the shadows and you see its just that ugly christmas sweater in the closet

Excerpt
Would you describe yourself as more resilient to stress in general nowadays? More capable to act intelligently under pressure?
I try to resolve it faster, identify the underlying stressors or at the very least convince myself I will deal with it at a defined, different time (like next morning, particularly useful to avoid sleepless nights)

Its not like weightlifting, where the more you train the more you can carry for longer, its more like learning to use a forklift instead of relying on just your back if that makes sense.

Ideally it becomes autopilot to identify, interpret and act on those feelings, and let go of them at the appropriate times, but that takes practice, and practice takes time, and time takes well.. time.

Few people have than zenlike inner peace to do that, I believe its doable 

I'm not there yet, just recently I had anxiety issues about dating someone new. Its a journey, not a "fix".

Excerpt
I guess that I want to be efficient in high stress enviroments like other people are.
I've seen two ways people deal with high stress environments: one is they simply don't give a  Cursing - won't cause site restrictions at Starbucks (click to insert in post), the second is to be effective, not efficient, as in let it take its toll on you, just get things done.

Now ask me which side I'm trying to lean to
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