Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 08:00:30 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
99
Could it be BPD
BPDFamily.com Production
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
What is BPD?
Blasé Aguirre, MD
What BPD recovery looks like
Documentary
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Why did I do that?  (Read 365 times)
Seenowayout
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 152


« on: July 29, 2019, 04:18:02 PM »

It's been months and months since I've been here.  Two years ago I was a complete wreck.    But I slowly picked up and rebuilt, with a lot of help from folks on this site.

I'm in a new sane and loving relationship and I'm happy.  Business is rocking.  Everything is fine.

My current girlfriend mentioned in passing that she doesn't come up when you google her name.  I decided to confirm that today.  She's right.   I wondered if I came up when you google me, and yup ... there I am.  Then really foolishly I googled my exBPD gf.  The internet came up with her phone number.  I had erased it from my memory.

So I looked up her phone number on my cell phone and a flood of texts came back.  Pictures.  Months of pictures of her and me together, in good times and bad.

And now I'm sad.  I miss her.  I did really love her.  Really really loved her. 

So weird. 

Not so sad that I would try to contact her.  I don't miss her so much I would reach out to her family to see how she's doing.  If she and they can completely disappear, why should I scratch that wound.

But I'm blue now.  It's like seeing a ghost.

And I guess I'm sharing to let that be a cautionary tale.  Don't look back.
Logged
Gemsforeyes
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Ended 2/2020
Posts: 1130


« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2019, 05:21:55 PM »

Ooohhh, my dear friend!  I’m sorry you’re feeling blue.

Here’s that saying... “doctor, it hurts when I do this!”  Then don’t do that!

I know, I know...

If you can Seenowayout, try to recall (and you know I know your story), the only really GOOD time was the beginning.  The rest of your time together was chaotic and confusing and sad and torturous.  You were going mad trying to keep up with what you THOUGHT would make her happy... it never worked.  Never WOULD have worked. 

Again, I’m sorry you’re feeling blue. Maybe those photos need to be placed a little further away than at your fingertips?  For your own wellbeing?  Just a thought...

I’m still here.  In fact just the other day I was wondering how you were doing.

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes
Logged
clvrnn
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken Up
Posts: 501



« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2019, 06:34:42 PM »

Sorry to hear you felt a little low, recently. I think it's only natural that we feel nostalgic towards people we loved - but it's also a real mark of strength that you were able to say "nope. not contacting her" and remembering everything that went on between you both.
Logged

Seenowayout
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 152


« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2019, 03:08:51 PM »

GEMS!  Thrilled to see you again.  I hope you're well.  Update me if you have time.  Thought of you and all your help the other day too!

Thank you too clvrnn!

Yes, I offer the story up as a cautionary tale and a simple story of hope for others who are in the sad shoes I wore two years ago --

1)  Sad feelings will come and sad feelings go.  It's normal to be blue. Nostalgia, longing, regret might feel crushing in the moment, but it passes.  Try to ride it.

2)  I'm most vulnerable when I'm tired.  I decided to look at those pictures at the end of a long work day, when my cerebral cortex wasn't fully firing to defend me from my reptile brain.  Need to be more cautious when I'm tired.  Get plenty of rest.

3)  I love myself.  Others love me too.  I'm lovable.  And I'm loving.   I didn't deserve that craziness.  I can still have love and pity and regret and fond memories of her and for her.  But I'm not the one who disappeared,  who scolded, who blamed, who painted me black -- in between all her loving moments.  It simply obviously wasn't meant to be.   

C'est la vie.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!