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Author Topic: everyone around me has BPD  (Read 88 times)
NitaC
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« on: June 12, 2019, 06:41:17 AM »

This is my first post.  I just recently realized my mother suffers from BPD (undiagnosed, she won't go to therapy), but my own therapists have suggested it through the years, and always urge me towards setting strong boundaries -which is something I'm just now learning to do at 42.  I'm also just now realizing how much I equate the extreme intensity, wild roller-coaster mood swings, and clinginess as "love", and therefore keep choosing partners with BPD as well.  For years i joked about how I "always dated stalkers", but never put 2 and 2 together.  My most recent SO also seems to have BPD (also refuses therapy).  My first instinct is to run, but I would like to learn more about this illness that I seem to be surrounded by...and maybe learn how to be closer to my family.
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Harri
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« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2019, 10:36:26 PM »

Hi Nita and welcome! 

I am glad you are reaching out and I am happy to say you are in the right place.  We get it here.  On this board we all have a family member with BPD and some of us have repeated that pattern in our adult relationships as well.

Share more as you settle in and read.  Also, I want to direct you to the Survivors Guide at the top of this board.  I am wondering what step you think you are at? 

You mentioned you want to have a closer relationship with your family.  Can you tell us a bit more of what you hope to have?
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    “…we cannot be in the present moment and run our story lines at the same time!”
Turkish
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« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2019, 10:39:50 PM »

Hi NitaC,

Welcome

You don't know what you don't know.  What is familiar is comfortable, even if it's dysfunctional. Realizing this on a logical level is good (why you reached out here and in therapy) and is the first "win," but processing it on an emotional level is quite another thing.  

We have material at the top of the board which can help get you started.  

Lesson 2: Understanding BPD Behaviors

Let's talk it out.  We are here to support you  Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
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« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2019, 08:57:34 PM »

I know the weird feeling of "What if I'm attracting these people?"

There was about a ten year period where everyone I dated was either using me or turned out to have some kind of mental health issue (or at least I'm guessing from their behavior).

I must have been doing something wrong, but to this day, I don't know what it was.
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Turkish
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« Reply #4 on: June 21, 2019, 09:21:18 PM »

I know the weird feeling of "What if I'm attracting these people?"

I knew I was.  I also came to realize that this was a choice. 

Interestingly,  my buddy's sister, who is dBPD, told me after her second failed marriage (and a few boyfriends before, during and after), "I keep attracting  Cursing - won't cause site restrictions at Starbucks (click to insert in post) [dungy] men!"

I was scared to say anything so I didn't. 

This isn't to paint myself better but at least I, you,  and NitaC (hope she returns!) are reaching out and asking questions.

If you want to start a thread of your own for further discussion,  so we don't hijack this one without the OP present, feel free.  It's an interesting and relevant subject. 
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
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