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nevergupmom

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« on: June 12, 2019, 09:06:50 AM »

Hello
I am a parent/caregiver of a 29 year old with BPD and coocurring disorders.
After 10 years of rollarcoaster rides, clouded with extreme substance abuse I have to decided to face this demon with learning as much as I can about this disorder. 
This is the first time that my son has not been abusing hard drugs for 4months, and he is actually putting an effort into therapy.  With these layers being peeled away, he is clearly still suffering and fits 7 of the 9 indicators for this disorder.  He had one therapist who diagnosed the personality disorder a couple years ago. First diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 19....  the substance abuse became so horrific, it is a miracle he is still alive.
 It has been a lonely journey for this mom, as my husband finds it difficult to participate in it, and I have a 27 year old son  who was physically assulted by his older (BPD) brother during a drug binge and has restraining orders against him.    Since then, my son is no longer welcome in my home.  He has a felony on his record and has faced homelessness and has moved multiple times.  Another miracle is he got approved for SSI and that has lightened the financal burden. 
I am the mother who will never give up on him even though I'm setting boundaries and taking care of myself best I can.  I feel I'm in the role of caretaker because I help him with managing money and appointments.  Most of the story is just too much to post, I think I have exhausted all my friends and prayer partners with the intensity of it all, and most I can't even share with anyone but the Lord.
This is why I am here, to share with people who are walking this unwelcome road.  I look forward to helping each other find our way. 
-Nevergiveupmom
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
FaithHopeLoveKC
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« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2019, 09:49:31 AM »

Hello NeverGiveUpMom
I am so glad you found us. This really is the place to get help and support from people who really "get it" and won't grow exhausted from hearing about your struggles because we are all on this journey together. My 25 year old son also suffers from BPD and addiction. It really is a roller coaster ride. I think it is great that your son is willing to go to therapy and that he is getting SSI. What do you see as the next steps?
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Swimmy55
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« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2019, 11:20:21 AM »

Welcome!
You are definitely not alone.  Our stories are somewhat similar.  I just had to put a Restraining Order against my adult son (25 years old)back in March after him  becoming violent with me and going on a rampage in the house causing considerable damage .  He has BPD as well as a mood disorder and significant substance abuse issues.  I just got up the courage this past week to cut off his $$ due to the fact he is not getting any help at all for himself nor does he have any awareness or insight at this time into his mental status.  He refused the set up his father( my ex)  had arranged for him : go to rehab in exchange for living in another relative's house.  I am  currently paying for his medical bills only ( had to petition the court to get him into the psych ward for 8 days back in March as well). 
Anyway, I see some positives in your story:  Your son is seeking help and is getting SSI .  You are also seeking help for yourself by coming to BPD central.  Read around the website. There are also book recommendations on in the library section here.  Like FHLove stated ,please keep us posted on how you are doing  and post here as you need to.
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livednlearned
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We can be mended. We mend each other.


« Reply #3 on: June 12, 2019, 12:14:55 PM »

I am the mother who will never give up on him even though I'm setting boundaries and taking care of myself best I can.


You'll fit right in here  Virtual hug (click to insert in post)

This is self-care central and boundaries are how we stay sane.

I feel I'm in the role of caretaker because I help him with managing money and appointments.

I hope you don't beat yourself up about offering this level of help. He is choosing to stop doing drugs for now and accepting help. Your selective support may be a silver lining as he works his way toward a more stable form of independence.

We do the best we can, and we plug away, together. Doing a little better as we go.

Glad you are here.

LnL
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nevergupmom

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« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2019, 09:27:41 PM »

Thanks for your prompt replies.  After many years in recovery groups like Alan-on, I knew it was time for something different.for me.  My son even said that people in NA were congratulating him on sobriety and serenity and he said- “ for me there is never any serenity”.  Stopping the addictive behavior is just a piece of the puzzle we are dealing with.  I think that’s when the reality of this diagnosis hit me. 
Next step....He’s on a waiting list for a supportive living facility, but he is now resisting going there.  I’m just waiting to see where his mind is at when they call with an opening.  It would give me some peace if he lived there because there would be some support system other than me.  He has alienated just about everyone else from his life..
I already feel like I’m not so alone out there .... thank you lnl, fhl and others
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Only Human
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« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2019, 01:12:06 AM »

Hi Nevergiveupmom Welcome new member (click to insert in post)

I join others in welcoming you - as livednlearned said, you'll fit right in here!!

You've really been through a lot with your son, I'm glad you've come here for support and to support others. As you know, due to your involvement with Al-anon, we get better by helping each other.

I see some positives in your story:  Your son is seeking help and is getting SSI .  You are also seeking help for yourself by coming to BPD central.  Read around the website. There are also book recommendations on in the library section here.  Like FHLove stated ,please keep us posted on how you are doing  and post here as you need to.

I echo what Swimmy says here. There is definitely hope in what you've shared. "Read around the website," is excellent advice.

A good place to start is the thread that's pinned to the top of this board, HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS SITE. It's got many of our best articles, with links to more. It can be overwhelming, so take it at your own pace.

Again, Welcome We look forward to getting to know you Virtual hug (click to insert in post)

~ OH
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"It's our god forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved."
-Jason Mraz, I'm Yours
livednlearned
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« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2019, 06:55:08 AM »

He’s on a waiting list for a supportive living facility, but he is now resisting going there ... It would give me some peace if he lived there because there would be some support system other than me.  u lnl, fhl and others

For my stepdaughter, if something has a whiff of independence her abandonment fears are triggered.

I wonder if your son is the same. That having extra support may mean an abandonment could soon follow.

Sometimes BPD loved ones fear doing well.

It's a fine line to walk.

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