Can borderlines be happy?

[Granite Chief]

Can I make a borderline happy or am I doomed to be blamed for her unhappiness? I am trying to figure out reality.

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[LoneRanger307]

Can I make a borderline happy or am I doomed to be blamed for her unhappiness? I am trying to figure out reality.

You can probably not make your BPD happy and probably shouldn't try. (If I may speak based on codependency principles.) Your BPD may find their own route to happiness, and I fully believe BPDs can be happy. Have you read about Marsha Linehan? Her story helps me have hope.

You can probably make yourself happier by focusing on creating your own happiness. We are each responsible for ourselves, our own emotions, our own peace.

[Granite Chief]

No I have not but I will check it out.

[LoneRanger307]

I think Linehan's story is really inspirational. She recognized BPD in herself and designed a course of therapy to help herself and others.  I shared an article about her with my BPDh and his family after he was diagnosed, because his first reaction was hopelessness.

Can I ask what about your situation has caused you to have this question?

[Granite Chief]

She keeps attacking me verbally because I do not make her happy.

I tell her the same thing...I can not fill this giant hole inside of you. She insists I can solve all her problems...I am like...am i doomed to live this nightmare forever.

[LoneRanger307]

That sounds really stressful to have her try to put all responsibilities for her emotions on you.  Also a common BPD trait, I believe. Are either of you in therapy?

[Scarlet Phoenix]

She keeps attacking me verbally because I do not make her happy.
I tell her the same thing...I can not fill this giant hole inside of you. She insists I can solve all her problems...I am like...am i doomed to live this nightmare forever.

Hi, I agree with LongRanger307 that this is rather common. In people with BPD, and in other people with poor emotional skills, like those that struggle with co-dependency – and I count myself among them. I used to look to others to make me feel happy and loved.

So can you make her happy? The questions, although understandable, is missing the point that pwBPD (people with BPD) are struggling with deep-seated issues of low self-worth and a lacking sens of self, and tend to look to external sources to mend this. Not on purpose, but rather subconsciously. But external sources can never mend this, only looking inwards will do this. So in that sense, no you can't make her happy.

Something you can do, though, is work on the tools and skills we have here on the site. They will help ease tensions and lower the temperature. And in that sense 'make her happy'. And they will help you too, and give you space to breath.