She blocked me on WhatsApp. Is there any hope?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I’ve been embroiled in a toxic relationship with an uBPDgf for almost a year now and today she brought it to an end by telling me that she was ending it due to the aggressive way I communicate and don’t listen. I told her I was sorry to hear that she was ending the relationship and said I was shocked and upset. She said that my behaviour has been making it toxic for some time. When I pointed out that on the last four occasions we went out she has sabotaged each occasion and twice threatened to meet other people, she became angry and started hurling abuse and threatened to call her lawyer to have me sanctioned for harassment.

This has been the devaluation stage of our relationship. Two weeks ago we went on holiday, though she almost sabotaged that too. I paid £1,000 for a trip to Greece (at her request) and she immediately backtracked and said she didn’t want to go away with me. I eventually managed to talk her around over the next couple of weeks and she eventually decided to come with me after making all sorts of conditions and provisos. The holiday actually went well, despite the odd angry outburst from her, but because we were both relaxed I was able to be far more tolerant of her volatility.

As soon as we got back home, the devaluation started again and she once again started  to find fault with the way I communicate and said that she feels angry at me all the time. I said that all I wanted was to love her and get on with her and she said kept repeating that I’m difficult and denying every example I gave her of the contrary.

The bottom line is that she thinks I am to blame for every argument we’ve ever had. She has physically attacked me in the past, which I stopped talking about because it was triggering her by talking about it. Last Friday we went to see a film event together and on the way there she started getting angry because I refused to accept full blame for the recent spate of arguments. I told her that I thought we both had a part to play and it wasn’t a great time to talk about it. She got furious and told me to go home (she had two free tickets for the event). I let her get to the venue to cool off and found her and she seemed pleased that I hadn’t actually gone home.

Fast forward to today and her breaking up email. I decided that I wasn’t going accept full blame for the arguments as she has shouted and screamed at me continuously over a long period of time. She then threatened to report me for harassment, which is ludicrous as I was being very calm. Immediately after breaking up she reinstated me on WhatsApp and now just before bedtime she once again blocked me without any word at all.

We have had so many break up/make up scenarios that I am less distraught and more tired with everything.

My question is that after formally breaking up with me and now blocking me on WhatsApp, is there any hope at all that things might change and she’ll come back?

[RomanticFool]

I’ve been embroiled in a toxic relationship with an uBPDgf for almost a year now and today she brought it to an end by telling me that she was ending it due to the aggressive way I communicate and don’t listen. I told her I was sorry to hear that she was ending the relationship and said I was shocked and upset. She said that my behaviour has been making it toxic for some time. When I pointed out that on the last four occasions we went out she has sabotaged each occasion and twice threatened to meet other people, she became angry and started hurling abuse and threatened to call her lawyer to have me sanctioned for harassment.

This has been the devaluation stage of our relationship. Two weeks ago we went on holiday, though she almost sabotaged that too. I paid £1,000 for a trip to Greece (at her request) and she immediately backtracked and said she didn’t want to go away with me. I eventually managed to talk her around over the next couple of weeks and she eventually decided to come with me after making all sorts of conditions and provisos. The holiday actually went well, despite the odd angry outburst from her, but because we were both relaxed I was able to be far more tolerant of her volatility.

As soon as we got back home, the devaluation started again and she once again started  to find fault with the way I communicate and said that she feels angry at me all the time. I said that all I wanted was to love her and get on with her and she said kept repeating that I’m difficult and denying every example I gave her of the contrary.

The bottom line is that she thinks I am to blame for every argument we’ve ever had. She has physically attacked me in the past, which I stopped talking about because it was triggering her by talking about it. Last Friday we went to see a film event together and on the way there she started getting angry because I refused to accept full blame for the recent spate of arguments. I told her that I thought we both had a part to play and it wasn’t a great time to talk about it. She got furious and told me to go home (she had two free tickets for the event). I let her get to the venue to cool off and found her and she seemed pleased that I hadn’t actually gone home.

Fast forward to today and her breaking up email. I decided that I wasn’t going accept full blame for the arguments as she has shouted and screamed at me continuously over a long period of time. She then threatened to report me for harassment, which is ludicrous as I was being very calm. Immediately after breaking up she reinstated me on WhatsApp and now just before bedtime she once again blocked me without any word at all.

We have had so many break up/make up scenarios that I am less distraught and more tired with everything.

My question is that after formally breaking up with me and now blocking me on WhatsApp, is there any hope at all that things might change and she’ll come back?

[clvrnn]

Hello, thank you for sharing your story, RomanticFool.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been undergoing such a stressful situation and that it's led to a painful break up.

today she brought it to an end by telling me that she was ending it due to the aggressive way I communicate and don’t listen. I told her I was sorry to hear that she was ending the relationship and said I was shocked and upset.

Did something 'trigger' this argument/break up? Can you think of anything that led to this?

I think for now, while things are still quite raw and tense, it may be good to try and take some time away from communicating with her, as she appears to be quite angry about things and you will only upset yourself, trying to explain the things that have upset you. Do you think you're able to do that? Do you have anything else you can focus on for a week or two, or do you feel able to step away while things calm down?

My question is that after formally breaking up with me and now blocking me on WhatsApp, is there any hope at all that things might change and she’ll come back?

You mention that you've had several break ups, am I right? Then, I think she may come back - I of course don't know her, I'm just going on what you have said.

But here we have evidence that you have been involved with her for a year, and this has been the pattern, so it seems unlikely that things will 'change'. Is she in therapy at all? If I'm correct you are in the UK, right? (hello fellow UK person ) Do you have therapy available to you?

[RomanticFool]

Yes the relationship has been on the slide for some weeks. We went on holiday three weeks ago and then two weeks later she is pulling the plug on the whole thing. She tells me that she doesn’t like the way I communicate while she constantly overreacts and shouts at me in public. It’s very difficult to make any rational sense out of as she is so irrational. On Friday she reinstated me on WhatsApp but hasn’t spoken to me. I miss her but since she was the one who wrote the email breaking up with me I feel she needs to make the first contact. Is that wrong? I keep reading stuff about BPDs losing respect for partners who show too much love or don’t enforce boundaries.
Do I really want a relationship with somebody who thinks that way?