False love

[Euler2718]

It's probably already been said but from the way she loved me so fast without any basis except looks and the way she idealized the next one makes me think it's not really love. And deep down I suspected this and protected my "inner child" if you will, so that he wasn't too exposed. So my withdrawal makes sense -- I was protecting my most sacred parts. In the end she was like a predator going after my inner child. And I didn't completely protect him.

[secretgirl]

It's probably already been said but from the way she loved me so fast without any basis except looks and the way she idealized the next one makes me think it's not really love. And deep down I suspected this and protected my "inner child" if you will, so that he wasn't too exposed. So my withdrawal makes sense -- I was protecting my most sacred parts. In the end she was like a predator going after my inner child. And I didn't completely protect him.

In a way, yes. In a way, no. If they're truly BPD, I believe that the love/lust they felt in that moment was true... just the fear of abandonment always wins over especially if you're also guarded and unwilling to let the inner child out.

[crushedagain]

I don't believe it's real love, either. Because, nobody who truly loves somebody could turn around and throw them away like a piece of trash without so much as a care in the world.

[hmf2234]

It all comes down to personal opinion and viewpoint and how you really define love.

I share the same opinion as you. My ex was very limerent and I'm of the mindset that she confused that for love, when in reality limerence is not love. Love actually picks up where limerence ends.

You cannot control limerence, the hormonal feelings of lust and absolute infatuation/obsession with the person of interest. In her mind those feelings eventually ended and therefore she thought she was no longer in love, so IMO she didn't know what love truly was. Love is a choice, whereas limerence is not!

She chose to not love me! She chose to discard me when her limerence for me has faded. That was never love! infatuation is NOT LOVE! Love begins with a basis of respect, you chose to stand by the person no matter what, no matter how hard it gets. If they don't stay its very simple... THEY NEVER LOVED YOU!

[MeandThee29]

It all comes down to personal opinion and viewpoint and how you really define love.

Love begins with a basis of respect, you chose to stand by the person no matter what, no matter how hard it gets. If they don't stay its very simple... THEY NEVER LOVED YOU!

Coming from a relationship of decades, I would say that there was love for a time because it was doable. I adjusted despite the questions in my mind, and we were fine. However, when other factors came into play, it went malignant.

The only way I can make sense of it now is that blaming and destruction went to the forefront, ready to be fired up with provocation. That's indeed not love. Some of it in my case is I believe was biological, but you can't be in a close relationship with someone who is torching the relationship on an ongoing basis. I'll never know if they truly forgot the worst times or were playing me, but there was nothing healthy about what happened.

They have since collaborated with their family to make a profile of me that is contrary to what mutual friends and my counsellors say too. So it's all crazy-making, indeed.