Not even a "wish well"

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I have a question, pretty sure its been covered in other posts before me. But i recently (about a month ago) my udxBDPgf broke up with me, told me she was going to date someone else after she was mad that i didnt propose marriage during our 8-9 year RS. The thing is that while, despite the reason she left me, i wish her well, since i didnt hate her nor anything. 3 weeks later i tried to gain closure by trying to talk to her, i was blocked but i managed to convince her to unblock me only to be told a really really cold closure. after that i went silent and NC (almost a ghost).
i mean, what the heck, 9 years down the toilet, of those 9, 2 years of problem-free relationship i she just leaves like if she was tossing an old toy? i mean, i wasnt expecting a true closure since already know that they cant give closure, let alone a thanks for this 9 years, but at least i wish you well? i mean, she told that at the end but only because i forced her to do it!
i dont get it. i dont know if she has NPD traits since she has tried to commit suicide or at least she has harmed herself pretty bad during our RS, as far as i know, those with NPD traits they dont usually harm themselves, but the way she said goodbye (or didnt for that matter), i dont know if they can adquire those traits or its pure BPD discard in its truest, vile form?

the question is, why?, why cant they at least wish us well?, let alone give us closure (which honestly, i didnt need it at the end, its true that it comes from ourselves, after seeing the way they treated us as doormats!).
thanks..your friend, xeonrebel

[Xeonrebel]

I have a question, pretty sure its been covered in other posts before me. But i recently (about a month ago) my udxBDPgf broke up with me, told me she was going to date someone else after she was mad that i didnt propose marriage during our 8-9 year RS. The thing is that while, despite the reason she left me, i wish her well, since i didnt hate her nor anything. 3 weeks later i tried to gain closure by trying to talk to her, i was blocked but i managed to convince her to unblock me only to be told a really really cold closure. after that i went silent and NC (almost a ghost).
i mean, what the heck, 9 years down the toilet, of those 9, 2 years of problem-free relationship i she just leaves like if she was tossing an old toy? i mean, i wasnt expecting a true closure since already know that they cant give closure, let alone a thanks for this 9 years, but at least i wish you well? i mean, she told that at the end but only because i forced her to do it!
i dont get it. i dont know if she has NPD traits since she has tried to commit suicide or at least she has harmed herself pretty bad during our RS, as far as i know, those with NPD traits they dont usually harm themselves, but the way she said goodbye (or didnt for that matter), i dont know if they can adquire those traits or its pure BPD discard in its truest, vile form?

the question is, why?, why cant they at least wish us well?, let alone give us closure (which honestly, i didnt need it at the end, its true that it comes from ourselves, after seeing the way they treated us as doormats!).
thanks..your friend, xeonrebel

[secretgirl]

Oh gosh I have NO IDEA. I'm sorry you're going through this... I think it's because they never want to admit fault? At least from my experiences with my ubpdbf (now ex as of today? ), it's like they get this idea in THEIR head and can't see YOUR perspective. They just have to be right and that's it... even if they're totally 100% wrong. So just let them be.. we have to understand their stuff is an illnesss... yah we can be mad and vent on here and not understand why but I have a feeling we will NEVER understand why because THEY don't even know why they do what they do because they won't seek help for it. It's very sad. And I'm very sorry you didn't get the closure you wanted but they secretly FEAR the closure I think because then they know they'll never have a chance of coming back to you (fear of abandonment) if all else fails with their new person. It's manipulative, and cruel, but I guess they can't help it we just have to pity them and feel sympathy that they'll never come to peace with their emotions like us non's do. They can never see through the fog if that makes sense. Even if they KNOW they're wrong, it's like they're SO convinced on running with their emotions that they don't want to admit to their EMOTIONS being WRONG. and that inability and lack of self-awareness is what keeps them repeating the cycles they do over and over again.

[ct21218]

In a world of black and white, it is easier emotionally for her to paint you as the bad guy.  She is unable to see you as human and capable of both positive and negative traits.