My 51 year old daughter has moved into my small condo with me.

[Willi8]

My 51 year old single daughter has moved into my small condo with me . She has no income, is thousands of dollars in debt and contributes nothing , but chaos . She claims she is sick with all sorts of illness so can't move out. She uses my credit card and is putting me in debt but has such tantrums I can't stand up to her. I am 79 years old and widowed.  I live on a small pension. She expects to be treated special and is entitled to everything she can take from me. I struggle to afford my own home, but I hate being there with her. She says she has Lyme disease and has to have special doctor and special food and a huge sauna she moved into my upstairs bedroom. She wants me to buy her a special ozone machine for 500.$ I don't know what to do. Help

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Willi8
I am happy to meet you and sorry for what brings you here. It is good that you found us. There are many parents here in similar situations with their BPD children. It is not easy balancing a mother's love and desire to help a hurting child with the need to live our own lives in peace. It may seem strange but the first step on this journey is self care that includes personal boundaries. We can talk more about that but first it would be great if you could share anything you are comfortable with more about you and your daughter and how this situation came about.
Hugs
Faith

[No-One]

Hi Willi8:
Welcome!
I'm so sorry about the situation with your daughter.

She uses my credit card and is putting me in debt but has such tantrums I can't stand up to her. I am 79 years old and widowed.  I live on a small pension.

You have to stop her from using your credit card and just say "no" to her requests for things like "ozone machines".  It will be endless, if you don't set boundaries.

At 79,  you are vulnerable to be a victim of elder abuse. Do you have a close friend or relative that you can turn to for help?  If you belong to a church, perhaps someone there?

It would be best to have a safety plan in place.  Does she ever get physically abusive?  Regardless of whether she is physically abusive, mental abuse and financial abuse are generally taken seriously as "elder abuse".

Do you live in the U.S.?  Perhaps we can help you find an "abuse hotline" to call & perhaps you can gain some support on how to deal with your daughter.  You may have to get her out of your home, which could require an eviction procedure.

Is your daughter diagnosed with BPD or other mental illness?  

[Turkish]

At 79,  you are vulnerable to be a victim of elder abuse. Do you have a close friend or relative that you can turn to for help?  If you belong to a church, perhaps someone there?

I am also concerned about this.  Even though your daughter is low functioning, there is no excuse for what she is doing. Sure, she's your child and in need, perhaps hobbled by her mental condition, but there is no excuse for what she is doing,  taking advantage of you financially.

What are your thoughts about separating her from your credit card? (To start)