Ex contacted me accusing me again just to block me again?

[secretgirl]

So I've never dealt with this one before in my life... my exubpdbf just unblocked me to contact me to basically accuse me that I'm stealing his movie points? because one time he sent me a pic of his card so I could get us tickets online... but obv it's untrue cause a.) I don't even have that pic anymore , I accidentally erased his and my texts where that pic was. and b.) I'm NOT A THIEF and why the f*uck would I steal those?
I'm actually getting annoyed it's almost harassment at this point... like who does that?
Who unblocks to text that... then blocks again on purpose. What is he trying to prove here? He's "winning?" What do I do?

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[Harri]

What do I do?

Nothing.

I don't think he is trying to prove a point or anything else.  He is just being him and acting emotionally. 

Don't play into it.   

[secretgirl]

Nothing.

I don't think he is trying to prove a point or anything else.  He is just being him and acting emotionally. 

Don't play into it.   

  ok..thanks Harri!. I can't anyways because I'm blocked.. I just don't get the purpose of it?

[Harri]

I just don't get the purpose of it?

Any number of things could explain it, all of them having to do with him and whatever he is feeling.  Is he hoping to get a rise out of you?  Maybe.  Does it matter though when it comes to keeping clear of drama and conflict?  

[pausercell]

Hey. 

He’s doing exactly what people with this disorder do.  Accuse you of something just to get you to react.  He probably was hoping you’d reach out and try and contact him, the fact that he blocked you was just a little way to drive the knife in deeper by not allowing you to plead your case.  From how he conditioned you he knows that his accusation got to you and how you being unable to defend yourself probably frustrated you even more.  And while it’s true that it did he is probably hoping that you try to find another way to reach out to him, he’s probably hoping you try to confront him face to face.  I agree do absolutely nothing.  This is classic charming and if you react in any way, shape or form, he’s getting what he wants, which is supply. 

[secretgirl]

Any number of things could explain it, all of them having to do with him and whatever he is feeling.  Is he hoping to get a rise out of you?  Maybe.  Does it matter though when it comes to keeping clear of drama and conflict?  

Very true. Probably trying to get a rise out of me because he's blocking me... but the crazy thing is , I GAVE him the choice to talk to me about it and work the r/s out OR to believe what he believes and leave it be... which obviously he chose the latter. So I don't get the point of texting random jabs then blocking me again right after so I can't reply ... seems pointless to me because I can't respond regardless and there's no resolution to it...  it's almost like it makes himself feel better to have the power over his own actions by silencing me instead of facing his actions and admitting fault?

[secretgirl]

Hey. 

He’s doing exactly what people with this disorder do.  Accuse you of something just to get you to react.  He probably was hoping you’d reach out and try and contact him, the fact that he blocked you was just a little way to drive the knife in deeper by not allowing you to plead your case.  From how he conditioned you he knows that his accusation got to you and how you being unable to defend yourself probably frustrated you even more.  And while it’s true that it did he is probably hoping that you try to find another way to reach out to him, he’s probably hoping you try to confront him face to face.  I agree do absolutely nothing.  This is classic charming and if you react in any way, shape or form, he’s getting what he wants, which is supply. 

You're absolutely right.. I just don't see how else I would contact him besides fb which I'm not going to do... I've never been to his place. and I'm not going to seek out where he lives and I'm no stalker type so if someone doesn't want me , then I'm not going to chase. But you're right it probably was the conditioning before of him wanting me to beg over text/phone... and now testing it to see if it goes further? I wonder if he gets off on the fact that I want him THAT badly... that even though he messed up (in my eyes), I'd go out of my way and track him down? I'm not gonna... not my style.

[Harri]

it's almost like it makes himself feel better to have the power over his own actions by silencing me instead of facing his actions and admitting fault?

Possibly.

Why haven't you blocked his 'harassing' texts?

[secretgirl]

Possibly.

Why haven't you blocked his 'harassing' texts?

Well this is the first one I've gotten since our fight... and I was hoping to work things out... but I was hoping IF he unblocked me, he would come around to either apologize OR try and work things out... but instead, I received this? First time this type of thing has ever happened to me.

It's the first time I've ever been blocked by a bf after a fight too now for a week and a half silence. Then unblocked just to receive this text then blocked again so I can't reply. That's why I posted on here because I don't have experience with this in my life. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

[Harri]

I'm actually getting annoyed it's almost harassment at this point... like who does that?

Ah, I get it.  I took the above comment about harassment to mean texting has been an issue so I wondered. 

If you are hoping to get back together, definitely don't respond and do put this incident into the context of the disorder.  BPD is a disorder of emotional regulation and as such he will have times when he acts out.   There will be ups and downs with him and they may not always make sense to you.  I am not saying to take abuse.  I do think you need to be careful with how you view his behavior.  BPD is best seen as a skills deficit rather than a set of skills that aim to get you in some way.

He may have wanted to reach out to you.   He may want you to contact him.  he may want to hurt you for a perceived wrong doing.  All we know for sure is the way he is going about expressing his wants and needs is dysfunctional.

Managing the difficult behaviors and more importantly how you respond to them will be important in terms of keeping conflict to a minimum if you hope to get back together and maintain a relationship.

 

[Anakin]

So he unblocked you for that nonsense to block you again?  Sounds like he just wants to play games and you’re his game board and pieces.  I could very well be wrong, but why do that just to block you again?  Remember thinking and not acting is what’s best right now and when you decide what to say if you intend on saying anything it’ll be more logical answer instead of an emotional one. 

[secretgirl]

Thank you Harri and Anakin... yes I did actually respond saying something along the lines of "I'm sorry someone has used your card but it wasn't me." That's basically it but then I realized I was blocked again because the message didn't go through... I know it's his disorder and part of me sympathizes and part of me is like wth... I can't wrap my head around it.. it's definitely something I'm going to bring to my T tomorrow to discuss...
But you guys are right.. I do need to see it as a non-emotional thing.. he's obviously trying to get an emotional reaction out of me... and make me chase maybe? But I will not feed into that. I'm so appreciative of everyone who responds on here on such a timely fashion. thank you.

[once removed]

not everything people with bpd traits do is disordered 

i would not look at this as part of the disorder in order to explain it.

my best guess?

he saw (or thought) his points were missing. thought it might be you. fired off a text. realized it wasnt you or that his points were there. blocked you again, felt stupid.

[secretgirl]

not everything people with bpd traits do is disordered 

i would not look at this as part of the disorder in order to explain it.

my best guess?

he saw (or thought) his points were missing. thought it might be you. fired off a text. realized it wasnt you or that his points were there. blocked you again, felt stupid.

Yes Or you’re probably right hahah that’s what my buddy said too... he’s like “he probably wanted to communicate but then said something dumb then realized it was dumb and blocked again”  *shrugs**

[secretgirl]

I think in all this I’m just sad that someone who says you’re their soulmate can perceive you these ways ... that’s what’s really getting to me . But you guys’ responses have helped, thank you. I keep telling myself I can’t do much more than offer working on the r/s which isn’t his goal at the moment unfortunately.
Thank you all again for responding.