Hi all and thanks for having me over. i have recently discovered this place and so far it has helped me a lot understand more about bpd. So, I decided to make my first post, regarding my current situation.
Six months ago, I moved in to an appartment, where two of my friends are living. Looking for a job in the country where we also got our master's, it's a common living situation for a lot of newly graduated people. Along with me, a new person moved in as well, a really beautiful and nice girl, which of course immediately caught my eye. Deciding at first that it would be awkward to date a flatmate, I was just being friendly to her, listening sometimes to her stories of an abusive ex, how much she was crying and she loved him and that he had been a total douchebag to her. Two weeks later, she started paying more attention to me, then over the next month while I was on holidays she started sending pictures of her from work and texting more and before I knew it, I was hooked (totally my fault) and as soon as I got back, we went out and started kissing.
And then the whole thing started. The very next day she tried to devalue me, by saying that I am shorter than her and it would never work, to which I replied fine, let's just leave it there. Soon after, she started approaching me again, spending time with me and expressing how I am one of the few people that ever understood her and all that. After the first time we had sex, she said she felt weird, because she felt that she never does what she really wants and then was very affectionate to me, even started cooking for both of us and spending almost all day at home together. But a few days later, she texted me that this has to stop, she does not want me as a boyfriend (something I never asked for, I just tend to be very warm and affectionate even with normal flings) and we were ingoring each other at home. One day, I had a female friend over for a cup of coffee, leading my flatmate to throwing a tantrum the next day and asking me why I was trying to make her jealous (had never been my purpose). I asked to set boundaries and the ignoring phase was going on.
Then one night, she came back home and told me that she tried to date her ex and that he never came to meet her, asking for sex, to which I replied yes (my codependent issues are something I plan on working on). After that night, we would occasionally have sex, while I knew that she is active on Tinder etc but as I said, I was not committing, or at least that was what I was thinking. A few times she would comment on my sexual performance, calling me incapable of doing "my job" because "I was too caring for her and not having fun" and then she would pretend that everything was ok the next day. A few days before Christmas holidays, after a recent tantrum that went on for 10 days she asked me to forgive her and then when we left for our home countries, she even took a picture of a card full of lovely wishes and texted it to me, while also saying that my wishes for a happy new year where "the best she ever had".
After the new year came, we spent the first day at home together, where she told me something that sounded really familiar when ti comes to bpd people. "I always drive my closest people away and I always ten dto project my negative feelings on them. But I never mean it. Whatever happens, please ignore me but never leave me. Never." That sounded too manipulative but I was a bit flattered (my bad, totally!) so I decided to say that everything is ok. But the next day, when the upcoming Valentine's Day was mentioned from her side, she started throwing a tantrum again, saying she would never be my girlfriend and that she doesn't know why, but the closer we come, the more she has a feeling that she will get hurt so she has to say no. I ignored it and then my birthday was also approaching. She spent five night in a row with me before that, treated me like a king (small gifts, champagne at midnight, sexual favors every night and a very lovely birthday card with thoughtful wishes), things that made me feel happy and close to her.
Until the day after my birthday. That day, she told me that finally a guy she knew asked her out and she would meet with him the next day. I was devastated but said it's ok and so that went on. I was withdrawn,. maintaining a polite yet typical stance towards her, until two weeks ago, when she borught the guy over and had crazy loud sex while me and my other flatmate were watching a movie in the living room.
Needless to say I was infuriated and tried avoiding her the next day. She first texted me that she was drunk and understands that I would hate her but they were just hanging out and no sex was involved. I told her to leave me alone and then she replied that I am bad-mouthing her to the rest of the flatmates, which is not ture because they had realized what was going on and being my friends, they were talking more with me than with her, being also genuinely shocked by the whole thing. Two times since then, she has tried to text me, asking me why I making comments for her, why did our connection mean less than my friends' company, why am I spending more time with them now and saying that I am the most toxic person ever on Earth. In addition, she said that she enjoys being the hot topic and how we are discussing the way she is enjoying the new guy and that things are going great. Last night she was triggered because she realized I finally got a job (despite the whole situation, I am trying to build a better life) and told me to
PLEASE READ my self off,
PLEASE READ the cake I got to share with the rest of the house (because it's one of her favorites) and that she wishes I get relocated and never sees me again.
Now, some time during November a friend of ours visited us and she is a psychiatrist. She talked with her and learned about her suicidal attempts in the past and her way of dating (longest relationship of 2 years with more than 20 times breaking off and resuming with the "abusive ex"). She concluded that she might be displaying bpd traits and this aligns with what her mother said, that since 7 years ago, she wanted to take her to a psychologist, because she is treating every close person to her like total
PLEASE READ. I apologise for the long post but a lot of her actions seemed like a total discarding to me and I would appreciate some feedback. We still live in the same apartment and while I care less and less about her bringing the new guy home, it's still sad and toxic to receive her comments so often. I will probably have to resort to blocking her but she still tries to pick a fight with me every time she sees me and she seems that she decided to treat anything I do under the most negative light she can.
Thank you for reading this far and apologies for any spelling/grammar mistakes. English is not my mother tongue (yet :p)
