Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 29, 2024, 10:17:32 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: First time seeing the ex since breakup with her new supply  (Read 750 times)
fogle24

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 15


« on: January 29, 2020, 09:27:54 AM »

Well today has been one of those days, as I was getting off the bus to work I bumped into my ex with her new supply. The same guy she told me was just a friend, then later told me they had dated for a while…anyway!

Up until this point I’ve been doing good with NC after a slip up at Christmas, but my heart sank today, and all these feelings of jealousy and hate came back. All day my mind has been focused on the good times we had, and just can’t get out of this mind set.

Thoughts like…has she changed…is he better than me…why is she still trying to contact me despite me being NC and being with this new guy
 Paragraph header  (click to insert in post)
Logged
SinisterComplex
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken Up
Posts: 1190



« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2020, 01:04:53 PM »

McLovin...please refer to my post to Teddy here...https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=342546.0

For the most part it will be the same sentiments. She did not change. She will not change. He isn't better than you. What you need to do...slap yourself first and foremost and practice DGAF! She is only trying to stay in contact with you for one reason and one reason alone and it isn't anything nice. You are a safety net and you would be being used as a pawn to make the other guy fight for her harder. Its triangulation. The other guy is too dumb to know any better. Let him pick up that tab...you paid your dues.

You had your turn of the doorknob now it is the other guy's turn. You opened the door and found out that going through that door is a one way ticket to hell. The good news...you survived and came back from hell. Now slam that door shut and reinforce it with titanium plating...move on. The other guy gets to go down the yellow brick road to hell...you my friend are Dorothy clicking her heels and saying there is no place like home...Wake up from OZ amigo.

Take your life back. Live well. Be free.

Cheers and all the best to you my friend.

-SC-
Logged

Through Adversity There is Redemption!
Lucky Jim
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 6211


« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2020, 02:57:26 PM »

Excerpt
Thoughts like…has she changed…is he better than me…why is she still trying to contact me despite me being NC and being with this new guy

Hey fogle, No, she hasn't changed.  No, the new guy isn't better than you; he just doesn't know any better yet, as SC notes.  She's trying to contact you to keep you on the line, just in case things don't work out with the new guy.  Suggest you remove  yourself from this drama and get on with Your Life.

LJ
Logged

    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
once removed
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Online Online

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 12608



« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2020, 03:53:08 PM »

Up until this point I’ve been doing good with NC after a slip up at Christmas, but my heart sank today, and all these feelings of jealousy and hate came back. All day my mind has been focused on the good times we had, and just can’t get out of this mind set.

Thoughts like…has she changed…is he better than me…why is she still trying to contact me despite me being NC and being with this new guy

as painful as these things can be, and they are painful, they can also serve as a good gauge for where we are in our detachment process.

this tells you some work remains to be done. having no contact can give you the space to detach, but it wont do the work of letting go, healing, and moving on.

id be willing to bet that in a day, or a few days, you find yourself bouncing back faster than you would some months, or even a month ago.

use that opportunity.
Logged

     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
fogle24

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 15


« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2020, 07:12:39 AM »

Thanks for the comments folks, guess actually seeing it in person triggered a lot of feelings! Found myself looking back on the relationship with rose tinted glasses when in reality it was far from it.
Logged
Rev
Ambassador
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced and now happily remarried.
Posts: 1389


The surest way to fail is to never try.


« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2020, 07:57:34 AM »

Thanks for the comments folks, guess actually seeing it in person triggered a lot of feelings! Found myself looking back on the relationship with rose tinted glasses when in reality it was far from it.

This happens to me from time to time - not seeing but having to hear or speak her name because we work for the same organization.  It is rare enough that when it happens, it catches me off guard.

I agree with Once Removed

I see these moments as mini-snap shots where I try (as best as I can) to say to myself, today you find yourself here - tomorrow step in this direction.  I am understanding now that getting out of a r/s with pwBPD is a bit of a hike - not a just a power walk.

Hang in there.

Rev
Logged
fogle24

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 15


« Reply #6 on: January 31, 2020, 06:58:53 AM »

I can so relate to it being a hike, i find that certains days the hike is a small slope then others well...may as well be Everest.
Logged
SinisterComplex
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken Up
Posts: 1190



« Reply #7 on: January 31, 2020, 10:48:51 PM »

Mclovin...I am going to relate a quote from the movie Training Day here when you feel like its a Mt. Everest day..."King Kong Ain't Got SH*T On ME!" Think of that quote...say it to yourself. Hell beat your chest if you have to. Smack yourself and say hey I got this. For all intents and purposes look at it as you have scaled Mt. Everest successfully and lived to tell the tale and now you can snowboard down that SOB like you are Shaun White.

Head up good sir. Better times are ahead.

Cheers and best wishes to you.

#bropound

-SC-
Logged

Through Adversity There is Redemption!
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!