Treatment and Patience

[Ericson]

My ex wife was diagnosed with BPD after we were divorced. We were married for 17 years and it was a hellish existence. The divorce was nasty as she attempted to sabotage my entire life and yet kept saying she loved me, etc. That being said she is relatively out of my life now, but we had 4 kids together (two in college and two in high school) and they live with me. My youngest daughter is almost 16 and is demonstrating almost all of the same symptoms of my ex-wife. She has always been a difficult child but everything seems to be escalating lately and she is steadily demonstrating the same symptoms that her mother demonstrated. She is in therapy and the therapist is recommending more intensive DBT sessions three days a week at another place. I am wondering how successful therapy has been for others (obviously it is expensive). I am also wondering if anyone has any strategies or recommendations for staying patient and calm in the face of all that my daughter is doing. It is so very hard. Sometimes I do well and do not enter in and sometimes I fail. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mamabolivia]

if we are from families where someone has a disorder, the chances are that one of us kids will suffer from the same. I'd like to direct you to Complex-PTSD - perhaps all 5 of you could have dinner and sit and answer the questionnaire and chat about your shared past. I find that as understanding grows as does my patience. DBT teaches mindfulness and other strategies to  keep calm when facing a strorm.
https://www.healthline.com/health/cptsd
https://www.synergiacounselling.com/the-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-cptsd-test/

[Done-er Stepdad]

There's a DBT workbook available on Amazon that might be a useful adjunct to whatever else you're doing.

And mega-empathy. If you had a BPD wife and now a kid, I want to buy you a $25 craft cocktail sometime.

[StressedOutDaily]

If you are able to attend a family connections program (in person, or over the phone) - it is very helpful.  My husband and I were able to attend a weekend program last May, and it was life changing.

Our daughter didn't change ---unfortunately things just continued to go downhill for awhile, however the way we responded did.  We were calmer, we learned how to maintain boundaries, and so much else.   I do think that if we did not participate in family connections we would be in a much different place (a horrible, scary place) with our DD right now.

There is usually a waiting list - so if you are interested consider signing uphttps://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/family-connections/