No matter what I do it seems to make things worse.

[A n other]

I have a daughter of 34years old with bpd. No matter what I do or say I seem to make things worse.  She blames me for every bad episode through something now or in the past. She has hurt all our family members in one way or another and a lot of them have chosen to remove themselves from her life, and in the process mine. I have other children who have been subject to the actions of her behavior and one of my children has cut all ties and another has distanced themself for self preservation,  although still has slight contact through me but that I turn seems to trigger episodes. I'm at my wits end .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

HelloAn other. Welcome to the group. You have come to the right place with a very familiar story. We have all been at our wits end at times with this horrible illness. Please don't blame yourself. It isn't your behavior that is causing your daughter's reactions. It is her internal pain. The more you learn about BPD the better equipped you will be to foster a better relationship with her. A good place to start is by looking at the articles that appear at the top of this page. Do you have any particular questions at this point?

[A n other]

I have tried numerous things but no help

[FaithHopeLove]

What have you tried? What would help look like?

[Done-er Stepdad]

Reality check:

Your selfless loving and good intentions in no way made anything worse.

Her actions made things worse.

[wambat]

I understand totally.
Know that you are not alone. Please read Randi Kreger`s book- The Essential Family Guide to BPD.
Can`t recommend it enough and watch her video . You will learn  a lot and feel a little better knowing it is not you.,
Take care of yourself first and foremost.