Update 6 months since XWBPD left

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Good Afternoon BPD Family,

  Some of you know my story but I wanted to give folks an update on where I am 6 months since my XW UBPD split town.  Our divorce has been finalized for just over 4 months, and I have not heard from in about 3 months.  We were together 4 years and married 1.

   I am still doing my own thing and trying to move on with life and take care of me.  I am still interviewing for jobs outside of the city where I live (had an interview today in fact).  I am still going out and trying to meet new people.  In fact I have gone out on dates with a few different girls since the end off last year.  I haven't really hit it off with anyone yet (I think that's normal).  One really cool lady that I went on a date with has subsequently turned into a friend, which is great. 

    Another lady began exhibiting extremely toxic / abusive tendencies from the get go... I recognized this and still agreed to go out with her 2 more time (my T was not happy about this).  She was incredibly demanding and inflexible.  She hated the fact that I have a dog and the dog needs to be fed and walked multiple times a day.  When I politely told her via text that I didn't think it would work because we are looking for different things ( we only went 3 times and we never spent the night together) she erupted into a pretty nasty tirade.  The next 3 nights after 11pm I received further tirades (drunk?)  telling me how horrible I am and saying this must be why I am divorced.  I should have been better about acknowledging my gut feeling and acting on it.  If she was this awful 3 dates in (a time when most people are on their best behavior) I can only image how terrible she really gets.  I need to work on this and make better choices. 

    I am still hurting a bit and sad that marriage ended so quickly and terribly, but it is slowly decreasing over time.  I am also still in shock somewhat about all the horrible things she did, the damage that was done to me and how much worse it could have gotten.  I am still in therapy and generally trying to avoid talking about my XW outside of therapy and this board these days.  On Friday, I realized that it has been so long since my XW left that I don't remember how she was on a normal daily basis.  It was a little scary but I take this as a positive step to a new phase of  healing / moving on. 

    I don't have much of an urge to contact her, and I hope I never hear from her again.  It's been 3 months...so maybe that is a good sign.

     I wanted to give everyone an update because I consider where I am to be very positive and the trajectory is only up from here.  Thanks for reading. 

[LeftBehindGuy]

Good Afternoon BPD Family,

  Some of you know my story but I wanted to give folks an update on where I am 6 months since my XW UBPD split town.  Our divorce has been finalized for just over 4 months, and I have not heard from in about 3 months.  We were together 4 years and married 1.

   I am still doing my own thing and trying to move on with life and take care of me.  I am still interviewing for jobs outside of the city where I live (had an interview today in fact).  I am still going out and trying to meet new people.  In fact I have gone out on dates with a few different girls since the end off last year.  I haven't really hit it off with anyone yet (I think that's normal).  One really cool lady that I went on a date with has subsequently turned into a friend, which is great. 

    Another lady began exhibiting extremely toxic / abusive tendencies from the get go... I recognized this and still agreed to go out with her 2 more time (my T was not happy about this).  She was incredibly demanding and inflexible.  She hated the fact that I have a dog and the dog needs to be fed and walked multiple times a day.  When I politely told her via text that I didn't think it would work because we are looking for different things ( we only went 3 times and we never spent the night together) she erupted into a pretty nasty tirade.  The next 3 nights after 11pm I received further tirades (drunk?)  telling me how horrible I am and saying this must be why I am divorced.  I should have been better about acknowledging my gut feeling and acting on it.  If she was this awful 3 dates in (a time when most people are on their best behavior) I can only image how terrible she really gets.  I need to work on this and make better choices. 

    I am still hurting a bit and sad that marriage ended so quickly and terribly, but it is slowly decreasing over time.  I am also still in shock somewhat about all the horrible things she did, the damage that was done to me and how much worse it could have gotten.  I am still in therapy and generally trying to avoid talking about my XW outside of therapy and this board these days.  On Friday, I realized that it has been so long since my XW left that I don't remember how she was on a normal daily basis.  It was a little scary but I take this as a positive step to a new phase of  healing / moving on. 

    I don't have much of an urge to contact her, and I hope I never hear from her again.  It's been 3 months...so maybe that is a good sign.

     I wanted to give everyone an update because I consider where I am to be very positive and the trajectory is only up from here.  Thanks for reading. 

[Lucky Jim]

Hey LBG, Six months is a relatively short period of time since your Ex left town, so give yourself a break.  Everyone heals at his/her own pace, so I suggest you be patient.  Going forward, I suggest you decline to spend time with women you perceive as toxic or abusive.   You already know that it's a bad idea and can affect one's self-esteem.  In the words of Admiral Farragut, damn the torpedos and full steam ahead, my friend.

LuckyJim