Reading a thread on another site, bpd says what is happening w them

[juju2]

Hi

Was reading on another site, people w bpd sharing how things are for them.  One man really resonated w me.  He closely detailed what life was for me and my udxbpd boyfriend.  All of the information i can find helps recovery.  Reading about what he would do, almost exactly what I experienced.  It was chilling really.
The devaluing.  What he would do.  He was attracted to either narcissists or codependents.  He had zero respect for these women.  To read someone who acted in this manner, being honest about what he was doing, brought me a new awareness. 

Am wrestling with the idea that much of what we went thru was unavoidable and unintentional.   This man brought a new insight and it is chilling.
I did not sense any remorse.  Of course it is just one story.  What got me was the behaviour he described.  All of this is just my opinion and it doesn't mean it's that way for everyone.

I am back here because my udxpwbpd an nd I are looking at getting back together.
He is showing no remorse.  I see him being full blown in his disorder.   I do not know if I could go back to the bad behavior and cruel ways.   Life is too short.   I will be 60 soon.   And I miss him.imiss
I miss the good times.  Maybe I just have rose colored glasses. 

[jaded7]

Can you share some of the details of what the person on the other site said he would do? Or anything you learned in general that we don't hear about here?

[juju2]

Sure.  Flirting w other women, upsetting his s.o., mercilessly.  He would even do this in front of her.

I remember a birthday dinner,at a restaurant, he kept flirting w our waitress.  How beautiful she is.  Could he come back some time next week and take her picture.?
The waitress was uncomfortable.  It was all I could do to just keep myself contained. I wanted to dump my drink over his head and stomp out of there.
How I remained calm and cool is still a mystery.
Reading about what this man routinely did to his many partners.  It's pretty much exactly like it was for me.

My thought is, who in their right mind would endure this.
The partners for this man were e x p e n d a b l e.

I guess that is simply one account.  My s.o. never acted intentional.  Never acted intentional.  I may never know.

So, I am putting the brakes on as far as moving back together.  I am allowing space and time.
I guess I want to find out more about me.
Am continuing to look and see.