How to deal with perceived invalidation

[Chosen]

I'm working on not being invalidating.  It's hard but sometimes when reviewing his outbursts from hindsight, I realise how I sounded (or behaved) in an invalidating way.  And that's something I know I need to work on.  But how about perceived invalidation?  For example, things that sounded invalidating to him because he misunderstood me? 

Now I'm also working on JADE so I need to not fall into the trap of saying he misunderstood me.  But in these cases, even from hindsight, I couldn't have prevented his outburst because he just twisted my words into an invalidating intention!  So what next?  Thanks.

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[truthbeknown]

somewhere in the tools section on the board I remember a video lesson about validating and the doc talked about "validating the invalid".  It's a real problem in bpd because distortions arise.  I'm going to have go back and find that myself.   

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESqfW_kyZq8&t=224s

This is a video on validating that I found interesting online.  She dealt with seniors with dementia.  The reason I found it was relevant is because people who suffer with bpd distort reality and perceptions unintentionally but to us nons it seems intentional and of course it affects us because we have a different reality that we wish that they could see.