First Post

[LollyG720]

Good morning!  

I’m a struggling, close to retirement, mother who is the target of an adult child with BPD symptoms. My daughter moved back home after her affair with a married man caused the breakup of her marriage. She had also been terminated from her job and stopped paying her bills. We had be seeing several signs that there were issues but blamed them on the fact that she had become addicted to  Adderall and was not using it as prescribed. Since we lived in another state, we had no idea how severe my daughter’s issues were. She did, however, have problems controlling her anger since childhood.

Since my daughter had been successful prior to the escalation of her BPD (not officially diagnosed), we thought if we could help her get off the Adderall, the rages would stop and she would be able to pull herself together.

Obviously this hasn’t happened. She rages at us daily for minor preserved slights or sometimes things that haven’t even happened. We’ve had to call the police twice. This has stopped the rage for the moment but it starts right back the next day. We’re spending our hard earned retirement money to help her, but even her psychiatrist doesn’t seem to have the answer.  

Thank you

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome.  The good news is at least your daughter is currently seeing a psychiatrist- this is huge.   Good for you in calling the police. 

Gently, I ask you how do you help her with her Adderall mis use?  The reason I ask is because any type of drug misuse is up to the person to resolve and she has to work her program with her psych.  This is especially true of an adult child.
 I strongly recommend you join an online alanon or nar- anon support group for families of persons having troubles with mishandling chemical substances( prescription meds count).  These groups help us with keeping the focus on us, not the person on the meds. 

Here is a link that may help https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?
topic=309305.0
Keep the focus on you. Write back to us.

[Swimmy55]

By the way, I am not labeling your daughter a drug addict.  Meds get mis used all the time by our BPD adult children.  They mean to help themselves feel better, then it all gets away from them.   In this particular case, it seems the Adderall  use got away from her to the point of affecting her work , family and social life.

[Summerdaze12]

Lolly, I feel your pain. My daughter was also on adderall and abused it as well. She was always short at the end of the month and made excuses as to why that was. Anyway, she has since moved out, and was renting a room from a lady and I guess one night all hell broke loose. Police were called, no arrests. She didn’t tell me this had happen and as you can imagine she was so dysregulated that I was getting frantic phone calls that made no sense. Anyway, come to find out that she told me out of the blue that she wasn’t taking focus meds anymore.She said she was done and won’t touch them again.  I was shocked as this has been a huge problem between us. I didn’t ask why because I am 100% sure she was on them the night the police were called, and thank God it must of scared her. I’ve been telling her she’s out of her mind when she goes on them but to no avail.
I am sorry you have to go thru this - it’s so difficult. When she’s ready she will stop, but it has to be by her and for her.
I recommend listening to some of the podcasts that are available- they are very helpful. Good luck with your daughter.

[LollyG720]

Thank you for your kind words. In retrospect, I know that I made a huge mistake when I called my daughter’s doctor’s office and spoke with her nurse about the rages. I attributed them to the prescription drug misuse but now I know differently. My daughter has lost trust of her doctor and me. I believe she only agreed to go because she wanted more Adderall. Now I have to gain her trust again, but hold her accountable while doing so. Thanks again...this site is so helpful!