seeking advice

[puppy780]

Hi, I am new to this site. I have done lots of work to heal and move on from the treatment of my borderline family member, but I think that having some validation and getting advice from others who are familiar with the circumstances would be really helpful. I am a college student, and I am financially dependent upon my family. The borderline family member will often threaten my college education - claiming support will be taken away and that I would have to move back home. Throughout my time in college, I have achieved the deans list many times, held lots of my internships, and have healthy friendships. Its also important to note that although it has been threatened, other family members can see through the abuse and still continue to support my college education. It would be great to get some validation and advice, as I can feel lonely and hopeless at times. Thank you.

[Panda39]

Hi Puppy780,

Welcome to the BPD Family 

First of all congratulations on all of your college success, deans list isn't easy! 

I'm sorry to hear your family member is making threats regarding your education financing, living in fear of that has to be miserable especially since school sounds like a very positive place for you.

I'm curious what your financial status is like?  Are you working?  With good grades, I'm sure you have financial aid options, might be something to look into.  What I'm getting at is how financially independent are you?  That might be a goal...make changes that make you less financially dependent...take the teeth out of the threat.

Fear of Abandonment is at the heart of BPD, so you stretching your wings and going off to college is likely a scary thing for your family member.  But you know and I know that growing up, moving out, and becoming independent are all completely normal and appropriate things to be doing.

I wanted to share information about FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) or emotional blackmail, because that is what I'm hearing going on with the school threats.  FOG is used really by everyone at one time or another but it can really roll in thick and heavy when someone has BPD/BPD Traits.

More on FOG... https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82926.0

I'm really glad you've found us and decided to jump in, there is a great group of members here and everyone "gets it".  I have found, support, information, tools and just a place to vent when I need it and know you will too.

Take Care,
Panda39

[once removed]

hi Puppy780, i want to join Panda39 and say

The borderline family member will often threaten my college education

what are the threats over/tied to?