Wife left me and I’m very confused. Part 2

[once removed]

I still want to save my marriage.   It seems like she has been increasingly been more interested in working on the marriage.  She is stating that she wants to talk to someone about her thoughts and has made an appointment.   She is supposed to tell her lawyer that she wants to try this before proceeding anymore.    I’ve told her that I’m glad she is going in this direction and I will do what I can to support her.      Things seem to slowly be getting better to me.   

Adventurer, dont rest on this.

shes been all over the place. and if she tells you tomorrow that its over, shes moving forward in the divorce, you would be, too.

i dont mean to suggest that shes insincere. im saying that saving your relationship is going to require hard, hard work.

if she follows through on seeing a professional, that person is going to validate her, based on where she is, and theyre going to tell her that it isnt just her, but that the relationship swings both ways. and she will tell you as much, and how you respond to that is critical.

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[Adventurer006]

So currently things are going much better.  She is wanting to work on things.  She is currently acknowledging that something wasn’t right, and for some reason all she could think about is this hatred towards me.  It seems to gradually be subsiding.  I feel like I’m talking to the person I know again, for the most part. I do need to be careful, because she can start to go another direction easily.   She claims she called her lawyer and told him we are working on things and to hold off the divorce.   We have an appointment with a psychologist Monday, and she is currently wanting to just go in alone and talk with her, to be more open about what’s going on with her.   The blame is not totally on me anymore at this point, she is seeing something may have been going on with her, mentally.   She is adamant there was no infidelity, and that she had no interest in anyone else.   She is still in her condo, and wanting to take things a day at a time as far as moving back home.   I would like her and the kids to just come back, for the kids sake, and I would like it too.   It is difficult restraining myself from pushing things.   She isn’t acknowledging the thousands of dollars that she blew through, or how much this set us back.  Nor the heartache that she caused me, and likely the kids.    Any tips and advice on how to continue proceeding with this are always appreciated.    I’m currently treading lightly, but finding it difficult to not push my point of view. 

[Adventurer006]

So I thought I’d give an update to the current situation.  It has been a lot of work and patience, but things are going much better.  The divorce is off.  We are getting along very good at this point and have worked a lot of things out.  She is saying she is committed to making the marriage work, and I am as well.  She is seeing a psychologist that she liked and that seems to be helping a lot.  I believe it is helping her process her thought and process situations much better.  I believe I my part the support and lessons I learned from here helped me a lot.  It helped me be patient, understand things from a different perspective.  It changed my view for what I was dealing with.   I know that I wouldn’t have been able to handle many situation the way I did without the knowledge that I gained from this site, board and the members.   I am a believer that marriage is always a work in progress, but I am hoping this is the last time I go through a situation like this, and that our marriage lasts a lifetime.   I feel like we have that type of connection, but I just hope that I’m not the only one who feels that way.    She is pretty much loved back in now, we are working on getting her out of her lease.  I am restraining myself from, I told you so moments, and just trying to help get us back on course.  This whole things has definitely hurt us financially, but I believe I’ve just got to move on from that.   I am working on becoming secure in the relationship and rebuilding trust.   Hoping for the best.  I appreciate everyone’s support and advice.  Thank you.

[B53]

I’m so sad for you and everyone who is going through this. I really feel that anyone who is dealing with this should find a therapist who is familiar with BPD. They would be able to help you sort through your feelings. The truth is, is that BPD is a disorder. Everything she is doing most likely doesn’t have anything to do with you, you’re just the person that she targets. You are trying to reason with someone who can reason. You can’t rescue her, only she can change it and without her going to therapy she most likely won’t improve. This is such a difficult disorder, that some therapists won’t even take them on. I was told that the therapists who treat them also see a therapist to help them cope with the craziness.
I’m trying to let go of my BP and it is so hard, because when they are not acting up, they can be fun, caring and wonderful to be around. If you think that this is hell for us, can you imagine the hell they live in. We can walk away, they can’t.

[WorriedHusband]

This sounds exactly like my wife except I haven’t heard from my wife.  She left a month ago and completely blocked me so I can’t communicate with her