First time being with someone who has BPD

[Muja]

I have fallen in love with someone who has borderline personality disorder. While it can be an intense roller coaster of emotions some days, there are a few where she is calm and able to deal with triggers without it blowing up into a big deal. This is my first time being with someone who has this disorder and I don't know how to deal with the situation properly when her mood suddenly shifts, I often feel helpless watching her get so mad at her self and others out of no where. I would just like to also say that she has been diagnosed and is on medications but she still gets overwhelmed rather easily and has a hard time properly expressing her self.

 If anyone has any suggestions please help me. I need people to talk to.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[FindingMe2011]

I would just like to also say that she has been diagnosed and is on medications

This seems odd. If she has been diagnosed with BPD and they are medicating, I believe this would be the wrong thing to do. She has a learning disorder not  a chemical imbalance. Bi-polar and schizoid illness require meds. I really would question the therapist or wonder if Im being told the truth. Have you spoke with the therapist (probably not unless spouse) or is she the one that has told you?...The illness is somewhat complex but there is an order to the disorder. Plenty of info here.

If anyone has any suggestions please help me. I need people to talk to.

Methods of communication BIFF, SET< and others are here to read upon.
Does she see a T ? Do you? I wish you well, Peace

[Harri]

Hi and welcome!

Glad you found us and are reaching out for support.  We get it here and work on trying to better understand the disorder and, if necessary, change the way we interact with our loved one.  Tools and strategies like the ones mentioned by FindingMe can help and lots of members have had at least some success with them and others.

As you share more we will be able to guide you and help you problem solve so I hope you post more.  Jump into other threads as well as that is a great way to learn and build a support network.

One thing I want to mention about medications is that lots of pwBPD (people with BPD) do take medications and they can help.  For some, meds do not help.  Another thing to keep in mind is that BPD can co-occur with other disorders where medications are indicated.

Anyway, I hope to hear more from you soon.

[Mutt]

Hi Muja,



I'd like to join the others and welcome you to the family. I'm sorry for the circumstances and that led you to our site here. I'm glad that you decided to join us there is hope.

It's very commendable of you to take the initialize to research and learn about the disorder for self improvement and to raise the quality of the r/s as well. I think a big one would be validation, a lot of pwBPD ( a lot of members can relate with this as well too ) had invalidating experiences growing up. I'm not saying that BPD was caused because of bad parenting although a part of the disorder can be collaborated to one's environment. Also pwBPD tend to be very critical and invalidating to their feelings and thoughts and validation from an external source can help soften these internal micro aggression aimed at the self.

Everybody wants to be heard, and validation can really make the connection with another person because it makes it feels like they are being heard. Maybe you already know about it but we have an excellent article here:

Communication Skills - Don't Be Invalidating