New here and a bit nervous

[CatcusFlower244]

Hi all,

 My therapist recommended me this forum today-- so I am a bit new here. I have been dating my partner for about 7 years. They were diagnosed with BPD about 4 years ago. Since then, they have made huge leaps and bounds in terms of how they treat me and handle conflict. Unfortunately, the first few years of our relationship were so bad and I was extremely traumatized by it. I have since developed PTSD on top of my long term depression and anxiety.

 In recent times overall, things have been really good. Things have been working. I am getting treated as well. However, recently.. they have been changing again. I am planning on pursuing graduate work, and the fear that I will not be "able to meet their needs" during this time has been really stressing him out, but when we talk about it it is extremely targeted and hurtful. They have been threatening to split on me and when they do they "won't feel guilt anymore" for what that side of them will do. They also say that there isnt enough time spent between us right now, which them is right about, but it is also a pandemic and I am not.. up for alot personally because I have been going through alot mentally. I also know I won't be on my A+ game, which in turn, upsets them and can cause them to lash out. I am so ill from all of this.

They have 0 support system, currently live in an abusive situation, and I am all they have. We know it is an unfair circumstance, and typically things are not like this anymore-- but this has been.. alot. They have been so mean and cruel to me recently, and literally share 0 empathy for what I am experiencing as well. I went through alot of horrible things in the past two months, but I was told to be thankful. I would get love bombed by support, but when I was not 100% A+ game emotionally available-- I could the rug taken underneath me and beat down to the ground.

I am so tired. There is nothing equal here, which I totally get in some degrees-- it is different with BPD. I just.. do not know how to cope. I have no one to talk to about this, and I am so embarrassed by it. I am here just.. for support and hope if any. Thank you so much.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[BirdandFish]

How did you see improvement at first?  What did you all start doing differently?  Did those protective measures disappear, or did you/your partner stop doing them?  What happened?  What do you think knocked the two of you off balance?