Hi endofmyropemom:I'm sorry about what you are going through with your son.
My 27 year old son, who does not live with me, does this and it always results in others in my extended family and friends calling or emailing me to tell me what my son has up on his Facebook page. This is his latest way of punishing and getting attention and it's very distressing. This always happens when I or some of his closest acquaintances put their foot down with his abusive behavior.
What is doubly frustrating is trying to explain to others about BPD and why they should just report what they see if they believe he is really being a threat to himself. Trying to explain why I don't jump the gun is even worse because it sounds like I don't care. People that never dealt with a loved one with BPD don't really understand how manipulation is how they cope.
It's been my experience that when I tell my son that I am calling 911, he always gets mad, pulls down his post, screaming at me that he isn't suicidal! But then he'll put something else up to start the whole cycle going again. I wish I could just block him so the manipulation of me stops, but I know how heartless this would look to others that don't understand. I do have my phone blocked right now to give myself a break from his long, abusive rants.
I'm not a Facebook fan. It's a bad idea to interact on Facebook with anyone with mental health issues. It's within your own power to set boundaries. Yes, he is manipulating you and what he does on Facebook is a form of abuse.
Consider closing your Facebook account and perhaps starting a new one, with just a few select people - excluding your son and those who don't understand. Those that you are concerned about, that might judge you and won't understand, aren't keepers as friends.
You can't keep things as is and expect a different result. Do you need Facebook in your life? If you want to keep it, how about scaling down to just keeping the most important people, with whom you will enjoy interacting.
If Facebook is that important to you, you might consider unfriending you son for awhile and then send a group message to the multiple individuals that contact you with concern for your son. Suggest to them that they unfriend your son and quit viewing his page.
Advise them that you know it's hard for people who haven't dealt with various forms of mental illness to understand how some use suicide threats as a form of mental abuse. Also, inform them that you have put some boundaries in place for the sake of your own mental health. Tell them to please not contact you about your son's Facebook posts. There is a lot they don't know. If they choose to keep reading his posts & become alarmed, they can choose to inform any authorities they feel they have to.
Blocking your son on your phone is a good idea. If you consistently do that, when he gets abusive or excessive with texting, then there may be some hope of change. If you aren't consistent, then he is less likely to change.
What do you think about changing the way you use Facebook?
