Daughter with BPD suicide

[willow11]

Hi...I have read these posts for many months, read all the books and went to 2-3 different therapists. My daughter (single 29yo) lived off and on with me and also was in hospitals, on various meds and under the care of a psychiatrist. She was clearly struggling daily with all the classic behaviors, rages, blaming others, violence if pushed too much. She took her life recently. We dropped our guard and thought she was going to work. For 3 years we lived in fear of this, checking on her daily, trying to encourage her to get help. My emotions are everywhere. We started grief counseling to cope. I hope that I can offer something to others, although I clearly didn't have the answers.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Cait]

I am so sorry for your unimaginable loss. Thinking of you and your family.

[JD2028]

So sorry Willow1. I can empathize with the living in fear. I hope your daughter is at peace now, and that you can find some solace in that you did all you could for her.

[Sancho]

Deepest sympathy Willow11. There is no easy way through the journey of grieving and I am glad to hear you have support.

In addition to the shock and grief I am sure you will be exhausted from the long period of stress and anxiety you have experienced over these past years.

I hope you can care for yourself a little, so that you have the strength to get through this truly awful time.

Sending thoughts and love . . .

[PearlsBefore]

I'm tremendously sorry to hear this new unimaginable grief your family is going through,

Practical advice, be wary of the fact that surviving family members of a suicide typically face a higher than average rate of alienation, rage and divorce - we're naturally driven to either blame ourselves today, or foist the blame onto someone else who we subconsciously want to believe "could've done more". Family breakdowns are common, and something against which to protect yourself even if just by being aware of the risk.

For what it's worth although my situation was not comparable to yours, while I found talking to people who "got" BPD very therapeutic - my actual *grief* I was only able to process through prayer and targeted books about that specific grief. Just something to consider.

[willow11]

Thank you to everyone who responded. I am finding that focusing on my belief that she was called back home (heaven) and is happy and whole and perfect. She was in such pain and suffering. I am experiencing some of those after effects, "blaming others"...mostly the therapists that just treated her with meds, a distant relative in the field who mis directed her not knowing the whole picture. I realize that is not rationale since it may of not made a difference. It was all she could do to have a pleasant and relaxing day and just enjoy herself. She did not know how this felt in the past 4-5 years. Everyday was a rollercoaster of anger, great sensitivity to others pains, misreading good intentions, paranoia. Prior to the symptoms she was a beautiful caring funny individual. Understand that our loved ones truly don't want to live like this in their head. They hate themselves and can't understand why they feel this way, but they can't control it. I wish deeply for all of you some peace when dealing with this disorder. The "normal" people next door don't understand and can't help. You need others who understand to help you.

[Louski]

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is broken for you and your family. I hope your daughter has found peace. I hope you feel comfort knowing you are not alone.

[By Still Water]

Willow,
     My heart goes out to you. Thank you for being here, to share with us, despite your deepest grieving.

[wavewatcher]

Willow 11, I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. So many of us live with the fear of this happening to our child, myself included. As parents, we do the best we can at the time in dealing with this dreadful disorder, although it can feel like it is never enough. You didn't let your guard down; it was the day that she decided she could no longer live with her pain. Please take care of yourself. We all understand and care about you.

[Swimmy55]

I am so sorry for your loss.  We are here with you.

[Tulipps]

Willow11 -

I'm very sorry for your loss. Let us know how you're doing. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders