Developing a new appreciation for non-PD

[IntoTheWind]

Today I was speaking to a lady for a while, and I was amazed by her qualities and I couldn't figure out why.

I later realized these are the normal qualities that Non-PD people have, she had her own identity and personality, and I wasn't being mirrored. I had been living in the alternate reality of intoxication for my ex for so long that I literally forgot what it felt like to experience a connection to someone.

I have immediately developed a renewed appreciation for Non-PD people, it's exciting and I want to chase that feeling.

I was beginning to think that nothing would match up to the relationship with my exGFwBPD, because of the constant stress of being in intense situations all of the time, almost like I wanted to let another bpd person into my life to continue the rush (anyone else felt like this?). Meeting a normal person was like a bucket of cold water on that idea.  

[EZEarache]

I just had the same exact experience over the weekend. I went on a really long hike with a lady friend of mine that I've known for around five years. I actually went on a couple dates with her, before I met my exGFwBPD, but didn't pursue a relationship, because she lived further away than I wanted.

It was such a nice day! I wasn't worried about tip toeing around certain subjects, or setting her off. I wasn't constantly criticized for who knows what transgression I was making or had made. We just had a good time, and enjoyed ourselves. No pressure at all.

I wasn't accused of not caring about her or her feelings. We both just had a nice time. However, it also made me have more hope for the future, for when I am ready for an emotional commit to someone again. I'm not expecting to make that jump anytime too soon. I want to identify my triggers for codependency more so that I don't wind up a doormat again. That's been a pattern for most of my life.

[Sappho11]

I'd like to add a happy memory.

Yesterday I met up with an old friend whom I haven't seen in six or seven years.

It was so indescribably nice to meet up with someone who

1) had an idea of what to do together (going swimming in the river),
2) organised everything -- he picked a restaurant, made reservations, looked up how to get there in advance and navigated through the city (we were cycling),
3) accommodated my needs without making me feel guilty for them (I have a strong aversion to crowds and he had no problem biking a bit further to avoid them),
4) was able to have a rational conversation despite us having contrasting political views (and despite him caring a lot about politics),
5) had interesting things, projects and hobbies going on his life,
6) offered a kind gesture at the end (to send me a postcard from his upcoming holiday retreat).

This platonic friend, who isn't obliged to me in any way, put greater effort into that single evening than my uBPDex put into our entire "relationship".

When I told my best friend about the meeting, he smiled and said "So, in other words, you had a normal evening for once then?"

If that's normal, then normalcy is quite splendid.

[Guts42]

This thread gives me hope!
Currently in a marriage with a uBPD and starting to see signs they won't ever seek help.

I had a glimmer of a normal conversation a week ago.  Total stranger.  I was enamored and I had to check myself!  This person wasn't flirting and neither was I - it was just a 'normal' human conversation.  As brief as it was I realized how starved I've been for regular conversation!

[Lucky Jim]

Hey ITW, When I first started going out again after parting ways with my BPDxW, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop with the women I dated.  I was so accustomed to drama and rage that I expected some sort of conflict.  Turns out the women I met treated me well, with kindness and generosity, which was such a new concept!  It made me realize that I wasn't the horrible person that my Ex made me out to be, which did a lot for my self-esteem.

LuckyJim

[Sappho11]

Had a new neighbour over today for a cup of tea. We talked about a broad variety of subjects. My ex almost always made me feel guilty when I knew something which he didn't. He would then sulk for hours on end, and no amount of reassurance would bring him out of it.

Today's conversation was a spirited back-and-forth. The neighbour was very appreciative and said at the end that he'd already missed talking on such a profound level.