hanging on tight

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hey all. Have just read the breakup section of losing my bpd partner. Im pretty petrified! Starting to think i have bpd or co-dependant or just old fashioned wanna stand by my man. Its pretty bad at mo for us. Hes been back n forth for 5mnths and neither one of us can let go

[ChanelMadam]

Hey all. Have just read the breakup section of losing my bpd partner. Im pretty petrified! Starting to think i have bpd or co-dependant or just old fashioned wanna stand by my man. Its pretty bad at mo for us. Hes been back n forth for 5mnths and neither one of us can let go

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

What are some of the behaviors that you are finding problematic?

[ChanelMadam]

the nasty words he says to me when he splits. he takes them all back when he settles down but i hold on to the hurt. we havnt had therapy yet, tried one session but the splitting gets too often. also the paronoir and asking me every day if i have cheated and/or planning to

[Cat Familiar]

These relationships are difficult and it is hard to not take the awful things they can say personally. Have you considered individual therapy? Even therapists who have a difficult BPD client will often do therapy and they only see their clients for a brief amount of time.

Here’s an article that gives an overview of some of the challenges of these types of relationships:  https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship

[NonnyMouse]

The insults and the threats are difficult to deal with.

Years ago I went to Disneyland. I hate rides, rollercoasters, etc. I absolutely feel like I want to just jump out, even though it means certain death! But this time on one ride I decided to show my fear who was boss. The ride reaches the top, and is just going over into a near vertical drop. Usually I would push myself back in my seat in a fruitless attempt to stop the inevitable. This time I threw myself forward, in the direction of the fall, against the safety bar. It was liberating! I often think of that when I'm confronted with something dangerous or frightening. And I think of it when my uBPDw starts verbally attacking me. It's not going to last, it's how she feels at that moment, she might not even remember. And I know I will survive.

[ChanelMadam]

he keeps saying he will get therapy. we have just gone back into lockdown here so i feel isolated and we cannot get in. he pretty much said if i didnt trigger him then he wouldnt split like he does. so pretty much its my fault?  huge chemistry and love there but very very delicate time. i feel so helpless and he sees this in me and is crushing him. ive done lots of research but im unclear on a question i have further...is the deeper the connection he feels, the bigger of fear of abandonment for him too? hence this size of turmoil?

[ChanelMadam]

hes gone again. coz i always shut down after his harsh words and causes him to split and the abuse always and every time accelerates after the last. he left this morning saying horrid things, then on his way to work apologised and planned therapy for us. his thoughts tho spiralled throughout the day and ended up PLEASE READ agin by the end of his work day. he changes wagon ownership all the time being left with the bike i paid for. blocked again n im the bad one again. how much do we have to take? :-(  i loved him so much. he loved me so much. its so unfair! how on earth do i sell a harley! im so lost and helpless and feel hes turned me into him