How can I ever make sense of this or move on?

[Financialad429]

Hi. I’ve been involved w someone who told me he’s a sociopath and to read a book on Charles Sobhraj bc he’s just like him minus the serial killing part, but the more I reflect I think he’s actually BPD.

He’s married but left his wife and son to move very far away for a new job just bc it paid more $. Says they cried for him not to leave but he ignored. I said there must have been something in your marriage that made you unhappy, people don’t just randomly leave. He insisted nothing but says if hr can leave his own Child he can leave anyone. He’ll say he misses his family so much yet hasn’t moved back in years.
At times he’s constantly sexting me and having very intense sex. Then he’ll cut me off from sex bc says he feels guilty (as still married and never plans on divorce, which also changed from a few months ago… or  it’s against his religion.. or at other times says he simply wants no attachment to any other person.)
He’s very different in writing, once recently told  me in text he just wanted  to spend time w me no sex, then showed up 30 min later and acted cold and emotionless in person. I was talking and he interrupted me mid sentence to abruptly ask for a sexual favor… No leaning in, no kissing. In fact Has never been the least bit Affectionate in person and willremove my hand if I am. Yet he would text he had strong feelings for me an hour after an encounter like that.
He’ll also tell me we will only ever be friends, but if I say I met up with another man he tries to make me feel badly for it, then wants the details during phone sex bc it turns him on, then tells me I’m the one who ruined things between us bc of “moving on” and seeing other men (even though he’s the one insisting all along we’re just friends, he wants no relationship or commitment, he wants to be left alone etc.) then it seems he retaliated by telling me he was interested in some other woman. When I got upset he said actually not interested in her at all, just wanted to get me to stop expecting things from him. Once he visited his family for months then his first weekend back randomly announced he’s going on a trip w a friend. I said I was a little bummed and he absolutely flipped saying he never wants to answer to anyone And I’m making him feel trapped. Over something so simple, not telling him he “couldn’t” go just that I figured he’d want to spend that weekend together too without me asking. Says he wants to be able to leave any situation with no notice. Did leave that new job abruptly after they’d invested a lot in him for another simply because he says it was more $

[Rev]

Hi Financial,

Welcome to this community.

And thanks for trusting us with your story. Even though it's anonymous, sometimes it can still be difficult to "say" out loud things that we've lived (at least it was for me at first even though I did say them). 

So you've said a lot about what seems to be a very confusing dynamic for you - one of push pull.

Have you made your way around some of the resources here?  I am wondering if there is something in those resources that resonates for you - regardless of the reason it resonates.  That might be a start to understanding where to start to, as your title says, make sense of this or move on? 

One thing I wanted to ask - you are on the Detaching Board. Do you mean to say that you are looking for a way to detach by making sense of this or simply giving up trying?

Write back as more comes to you - sometimes that can take time at the beginning. AND - you'll find (at least I did) that no matter the story, somebody here has been there.

No judgement. Only a desire to help people come to terms with life circumstances that can prove to be challenging.

Hang in there.

Rev