Hi momdog05, glad you found the forum. It is a great place to share and receive support without judgment or having to explain why things are "different" with your family relationships. Not everyone gets it unless they live it!
her bpd has not improved, in fact it seems worse recently.
Anything happen in her life recently that was a change, transition, unusual? A surgery, move, birthday, etc? pwBPD (persons with BPD, whether diagnosed or not) often struggle to cope healthily with change.
she is not able to regulate herself when she is with him (or any other time, really) and I am very worried about the impact this is having on him
Is she open to getting parenting support, or would she see that as stigmatizing/"not needed"? Our area has an "ages zero to three" parenting hotline/support center, and also a "crisis nursery" where parents in deep struggle can drop off their young children for respite. Would she be open to that?
I have attended a Family Connections training, and frequently go back over the videos and materials, but it is not enough. I have been in therapy myself for the last 2 years. I have battled with alcohol abuse, and am currently abstinent-working toward sobriety. I have used this as an ineffective coping mechanism since my grandson was born, but realize that it has not done any good.
You deserve recognition for making these positive changes in your life. You know, it just struck me, sometimes we cope with the pwBPD in certain ways -- we get in "ruts" -- and so they can expect a "typical" response from us (arguing, appeasing, conflict, etc). When we actually make BETTER, healthier changes, because pwBPD struggle with change, they can escalate their poor behaviors for a while. So, what is often said around here is: sometimes things get worse before they get better. I wonder if she is escalating a bit now that you are doing healthier things -- to see if she can get the "normal" responses back? If so... hang in there! Eventually she will learn that it's a "new you" and she won't escalate in response to your healthier ways.
momdog05, if you feel comfortable sharing, in addition to personal therapy (
by the way), are you involved in any 12-step type groups? I ask because when there's a pwBPD in our lives, whether child, parent, ex, etc, the more support we have on our journey, the better.
I am looking to connect with others who have an adult child with bpd for support on this very difficult journey.
You are 110% in the right place
Should I share more information?
As much or as little as you personally feel comfortable with, no requirements to do more than works for you. Just no personal names/identifiers!
How do I connect?
Keep posting on this board like you just did! You can reply to others' posts -- feel free to hop in on any thread that speaks to you.
How do I get notifications that there is activity on my submissions?
Hmmm... I think there is a way, though I can't remember off the top of my head. I will try to look that up if others don't respond with info.
I am not sure how this works, so any feedback/comments are appreciated.
You're doing great, and we're glad you're here! I'll check back to see if you were able to click "Reply" and post something.
kells76
