PTSD type episodes

[Depression = 72% of members]

My partner has diagnosed BPD and had a traumatic family life growing up. Ours is the first family he's had where unconditional love was shown. He has significant fear of abandonment, which makes sense because he was legitimately abandoned as a teen. He has episodes that I would describe as experiential flashbacks where he gets very afraid and verbally aggressive, believing that we are out to get him and planning to abandon him. His eyes glaze over, his voice changes, and he is afraid of anyone touching him. The episodes last a few hours, and then in a moment he "snaps out of it" and feels ashamed. During the episodes, he says very hurtful things, and I feel utterly despairing and hopeless. Then it's over. I am always torn between leaving the room during these episodes to protect myself from his words, or staying in the room to reinforce that I will always be there for him.

[September1234]

My partner has diagnosed BPD and had a traumatic family life growing up. Ours is the first family he's had where unconditional love was shown. He has significant fear of abandonment, which makes sense because he was legitimately abandoned as a teen. He has episodes that I would describe as experiential flashbacks where he gets very afraid and verbally aggressive, believing that we are out to get him and planning to abandon him. His eyes glaze over, his voice changes, and he is afraid of anyone touching him. The episodes last a few hours, and then in a moment he "snaps out of it" and feels ashamed. During the episodes, he says very hurtful things, and I feel utterly despairing and hopeless. Then it's over. I am always torn between leaving the room during these episodes to protect myself from his words, or staying in the room to reinforce that I will always be there for him.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[babyducks]

If you haven't already heard of it, I would recommend an author by the name of Pete Walker and his book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.    I would recommend the book for you - not for your partner.   It might be too triggering for him just now.

www.pete-walker.com/

The book itself is written very specifically toward people trying to recover from childhood abuse.   However the general underlying principles apply in many similar type situations.  I found it to be very helpful.

this website has a brief introduction to the book here:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273679.0

and here:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=315382.0