Hi Boogie,
Since her mother likely has the same condition as your partner, do you feel the same empathy toward her?
While I believe that her mother suffers from some level of BPD or NPD, J is different in a few ways from her mother. Her mother is a fatalist evangelical Christian- sort of. She’s the type that believes that if you “pray” then that’s enough- yet knows nothing about the Bible. Her mother is sociopathic- to the extent that she doesn’t show affection, nor does she ever offer any kind of comforting to someone in emotional need.
She doesn’t seem to express any interest in the suffering of her loved ones in any way. She keeps secrets- yet she violates others’ trust. For example, she has been on the phone talking to J about some co-worker or neighbor (that I don’t know from Adam) and upon knowing that I’m in earshot of this “juicy tidbit”, it has to be disclosed to me “NOT to tell ANYONE!” and I’m like, “who the hell would I tell this to? I don’t know anyone or anything about this l, don’t care and it’s not something I would even think to tell”
J is NONE of this. She’s not a fatalist, not an evangelical and she shows some forms of empathy.