Books to explain BPD to child?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

What children's books did you use to explain BPD to your child?

[BigOof]

What children's books did you use to explain BPD to your child?

[kells76]

Our situation is different in that the kids' mom is not diagnosed (though many traits), she married a guy with strong NPD traits, and the kids aren't ready for any kind of straightforward discussion of all the dysfunction at Mom's house. They're still enmeshed. Mom also has majority parenting time. It's hard.

I try to approach it obliquely so that there's at least a foundation of terms/discussions/situations to reference, and if one day the kids can make the connection, that would be great. Right now SD15 reads a lot of graphic novels, so I can usually find some kind of drama/scenario to discuss there. The ones she's reading would not be ones I'd choose for her, but I try to avoid conflict over "don't you dare read that" and instead "make some lemonade" and find something in the book where she'll talk about "so why does this character keep going back to her girlfriend even after the girlfriend treats her like crap, why do you think she does that". SD13 talks a lot about her friends and their drama, so that is also fertile ground.

All that being said, I thought the reboot of My Little Pony was absolutely fantastic for age appropriate discussions of dysfunctional behavior. There was actually an episode where one pony, because of something neutral that happened, had feelings that led her to "believe" or "know" that "all her friends hated her". It was a great depiction of what happens in your life when you let a feeling equal a fact. So, not a book, but definitely try My Little Pony. I think we were watching the new seasons from ~2014-2016 or so?

In terms of books, again with an oblique approach, we're reading Charles Dickens' "Bleak House" to the kids, and oh my lord you will find massively disordered characters in there to talk about. Incredibly spot on writing of: people who ignore/use their kids to further their goal of having a "great" self image, people who have a hidden agenda but talk about it as if they're doing you a favor, people who do performative good deeds/social justice but have a family in chaos, people who are all talk about being nice but you see what they actually do and they're self centered... the list goes on and on.

I know your kiddo is probably too young for Dickens but later in life I'd 110% recommend. Maybe stick with ponies for now.

[PearlsBefore]

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56239.0 is a disappointing book

Millie the Cat has BPD I don't have yet, but do not have high expectations

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=345614.0 was the best.

But obviously age of the child matters tremendously.

[sweetheart]

Bigooph the age of the child is relevant to what you use. It needs to be age appropriate and something that you do with your child in small bite size pieces.

In my experience my husbands behaviour became apparent to my son around age 6.

Initially I didn’t use books, I started talking to my son about his daddy not feeling very well sometimes and this meant that sometimes daddy would shout and rant at nothing in particular. I said daddy’s head got sore and he found it difficult to sleep and relax and this made him grumpy.
I invited my son to ask questions, but also helped him find a way to tell me he sometimes felt frightened by the shouting and upset and it made him cry.
My sons school were aware that his dad was not well at that time and he had a play therapist, my son was also involved in a local Young Carers Support Group from age 8 where he met other children whose parents had a variety of things they struggled with. We are in the U.K. my son is nearly 14 now and is still supported by Young Carers.
I found initially there was no need to mention specific names of conditions or mental illnesses until my son was about 10. If I’m being honest I think the idea of telling a child about BPD if they are quite young would be really overwhelming and perhaps a bit overwhelming.
So maybe breaking down the things that are happening that impacts the child directly might be easier for them to process and understand.
I also started early teaching my son diversionary tactics so that he could remove himself from one of his dads incoherent rants. Quite literally my son would say. ‘Daddy I’m just going downstairs to get a banana,’ or ‘Daddy I’m just going upstairs to turn my T.V.’ It was extraordinarily effective in its simplicity and my son still uses variations on anthem now if his father is starting to dysregulate.

We went on to use books eventually but they were books that were to help my son manage his worries and anxiety arising out of the situation with his dad. Amazon has lots to choose from. If you type in parent/mental illness there are lots.

We no longer live with his father and because my husband’s mental health is so unstable he has no direct care or supervision of our son. If he sees our son it is at my house with me around. This makes for a much easier life than before.