This is new and scary

[Parents! Get help here!]

My daughter has exhibited BPD symptoms for years and years, but without an official diagnosis until recently.  She is 23.  Now that it has a name and I've seen the description of the disorder, it all makes perfect sense and provides clarity.  But all of a sudden it now seems scarier than ever and I feel like I'm living in a bizarre world where nothing makes sense.  Constant criticisms are thrown at me.  Constant crazy-making behaviors.  I am exploring treatment options and offering to help, yet my daughter claims I "clearly don't care".  This is just the beginning.  Please tell me there's hope ...

[MDT]

My daughter has exhibited BPD symptoms for years and years, but without an official diagnosis until recently.  She is 23.  Now that it has a name and I've seen the description of the disorder, it all makes perfect sense and provides clarity.  But all of a sudden it now seems scarier than ever and I feel like I'm living in a bizarre world where nothing makes sense.  Constant criticisms are thrown at me.  Constant crazy-making behaviors.  I am exploring treatment options and offering to help, yet my daughter claims I "clearly don't care".  This is just the beginning.  Please tell me there's hope ...

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi MDT. I am glad you are here because it makes such a difference to know there are others on the same journey as you are. You have been dealing with this for quite a while and yes, hearing the diagnosis is a hard moment.

It is hard because I think until then we all hope that what is happening will pass and things will be 'normal' again. My understanding is that many of the symptoms of BPD can be less prominent when the person is in their 20s - and I have seen that this can be the case. We 'hang in there' hoping that our loved child will come through and out the other side of this awful illness.

When you read the posts here, I am not sure that you would get this sort of hope, because it relies on so many factors for each individual person and the circumstances they are dealing with.

I think that the 'hope' that we need is that we can find a way to walk beside our loved bpd child. It means developing lots of ways to put up protective boundaries for ourselves - so that we can continue to respect ourselves and not be diminished by our child's abuse etc (which is sadly such a part of this illness).

It means that we can't do it for our child. We can keep loving as we 'let go' and try to focus on nurturing ourselves as we walk through the chaos that is the life of someone with bpd.

Here is a place to dump when you have had enough and the people here understand. We don't really have many answers, only stories of our own experiences, but knowing there are so many others with this experience makes such a difference I think.

Thank you for posting and let us know how things are going with you.