BPD - is this final or is this a test

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Hey all.
So 5 weeks ago after dating quite broadly, I met someone that instantly made me feel there is something different.
Everything seemed to align, everything felt right and there was a huge connection.
I am not naive to certain characteristics, my failed marriage a year ago was to someone I strongly believe has strong NPD traits and as a result I almost have a self acquired degree on the subject, so I thought I was safe.

My new partner was very quick in telling me she is in love with me, I have given her feelings she has never felt, I have squashed fears no one else has and my loving nature and affection levels are apparently all she has ever wanted. yes, I saw it as a "potential" red flag however maybe the romantic in me and the strong feelings that were growing inside me pushed those aside.

Things were absolutely fine until a week ago.
We had a conversation regarding social media, we discussed boundaries and what works for us both, and to save heart ache or confusion down the line I told her that personally for me, randomly adding guys on things like Instagram would probably wind me up a little given the sad truth of why guys tend to add random women that are portraying nothing other than themselves on the profile. She took this very wrong, but we spoke about it and kind of moved past it.
Then there was one scenario whereby a work holiday abroad that is looming, a male staff member that seems to favour her and tries it on, turns out he will be going away too and its not the girls only trip I was originally told. Yes it played on my mind slightly, she picked up that it had played on my mind a little and it was discussed and forgotten about. There was no big eruption from me, no accusations or similar, I was just honest in saying that yes I'd felt more comfortable thinking he wasn't going so to find out he is evoked a couple of thoughts. It genuinely wasn't a massive issue, it was a 2 minute conversation and we continued our evening 3ith no issues.

She has previously made comments that she will just hurt me, she has mentioned depression before now but it has never been portrayed as though it is a long standing issue for her. She has also made comment that she would be concerned if I ever spoke to her ex of 7 years. (Who was very abusive)
I have been asked to never leave her, and I was told within a week that she loves me.
She has very low self esteem, will not accept compliments that I give and struggles to believe id want to be with her.

I am now into a week of essentially bread crumbling behaviour, messages being left on read, and feel completely shunned compared to how she was.
She has today told me she loves and misses me, but the second I try and establish whether I am now reading between the lines correctly, and asked her whether this is actually a bout of depression that is pushing me away, or fear of loss, I'm again ignored.

I've told her I want to be there for her, but I know I'm now on the cusp of a huge head V heart scenario, do I fight on the basis that this is actually potentially a depression/BPD episode and prove her fears right, or do I show her I want to stand by her?

I got frustrated 3 days ago talking to myself, getting no answers and feeling completely discarded out of nowhere, so she asked that I block her, but had no intention of blocking me.
I know I'm reading into this, but if she was that against talking surely she would just block me, so then I second guess myself and question whether that is again just her self sabotaging and therefore again I should stand by her and prove myself.

This whole thing has literally come out of nowhere and it feels massively disproportionate of a reaction to a pretty normal concern just being admitted upon being asked.

I just don't know what I do. I feel if I walk away her (I think) self sabotaging mindset will just let me go. If I stay and try and prove myself I have to endure this for how long until I get some sort of compassion or basic humility reciprocated. I just don't know what I do. I don't even know if she does have BPD or an ongoing issue with depression however it is starting to feel like there could be. I want to be there for her, I don't want to become a shell trying to save her. Any views? Tia

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[Cat Familiar]

Everything seemed to align, everything felt right and there was a huge connection.

 

My new partner was very quick in telling me she is in love with me, I have given her feelings she has never felt, I have squashed fears no one else has and my loving nature and affection levels are apparently all she has ever wanted. yes, I saw it as a "potential" red flag however maybe the romantic in me and the strong feelings that were growing inside me pushed those aside.

 

Then there was one scenario whereby a work holiday abroad that is looming, a male staff member that seems to favour her and tries it on, turns out he will be going away too and its not the girls only trip I was originally told.

 

She has previously made comments that she will just hurt me, she has mentioned depression before now but it has never been portrayed as though it is a long standing issue for her. She has also made comment that she would be concerned if I ever spoke to her ex of 7 years. (Who was very abusive)
I have been asked to never leave her, and I was told within a week that she loves me.
She has very low self esteem, will not accept compliments that I give and struggles to believe id want to be with her.

 

I am now into a week of essentially bread crumbling behaviour, messages being left on read, and feel completely shunned compared to how she was.
She has today told me she loves and misses me, but the second I try and establish whether I am now reading between the lines correctly, and asked her whether this is actually a bout of depression that is pushing me away, or fear of loss, I'm again ignored.

 

I've told her I want to be there for her, but I know I'm now on the cusp of a huge head V heart scenario, do I fight on the basis that this is actually potentially a depression/BPD episode and prove her fears right, or do I show her I want to stand by her?

I second guess myself and question whether that is again just her self sabotaging and therefore again I should stand by her and prove myself.

I just don't know what I do. I feel if I walk away her (I think) self sabotaging mindset will just let me go. If I stay and try and prove myself I have to endure this for how long until I get some sort of compassion or basic humility reciprocated. I just don't know what I do. I don't even know if she does have BPD or an ongoing issue with depression however it is starting to feel like there could be. I want to be there for her, I don't want to become a shell trying to save her.

This is who she is.

You cannot “save her.”

If you are expecting she will have an understanding of what your experience is, that’s unlikely to happen. When upset, people with BPD are very focused on their own feelings and have limited curiosity or interest in other people’s feelings.

What you’ve experienced here is likely to be a repeating pattern. Adjust your expectations accordingly.

[alterK]

No one can "save" anybody. You cannot cure another person's depression. It's hard enough to cure your own!

What you see is what you get. It just depends on how willing you are to see what's there.

If this is the kind of relationship you need, go for it. Just don't expect miracles.

[Skip]

About your behavior...

Your five weeks in, back up, you holding on too tight. Five weeks.

Give her space. Do not be needy, insecure, or fast to judge or issue ultimatums. Don't talk every feeling out with her.

Regardless of how much hyperbole you have heard, its five weeks and you are not the love of her life yet (no one is at five weeks).

Be cool, confident, fun.

About her behavior...

Give her some space to show you who she is.

There are some   for sure.

I've told her I want to be there for her, but I know I'm now on the cusp of a huge head V heart scenario, do I fight on the basis that this is actually potentially a depression/BPD episode and prove her fears right, or do I show her I want to stand by her?

Don't deal with any of this... its way too heavy, way too soon.

Be a cool, confident guy and project the attitude that you are interested but not sold yet... and do it in a charming way.