Grandson Suffering From His BPD Mom

[Grammie J]

My son did not marry the mother of his child because she was impossible to live with- we later found she has BPD.  The grandson splits his time 50/50 between his parents. So, the mother of my 8 y/o grandson has BPD and self-medicates with vodka and benzos. She is disagreeable, uncooperative, evasive, and controlling, and we never know what exactly goes on in her home. Grandson has opened up to his dad and our family about what he is experiencing- verbal, emotional, and the beginnings of physical abuse (she slapped him in the face because he disagreed with her). Our grandson often makes statements of 'I never know what mom I'm going to get when I go to her house', 'mom is angry all the time.' She has told him he was going to fail 2nd grade, that he is going to have a bad life, and compares him to his older brother who she believes is a golden child- perfect and a genius. She tells him there are ghosts in his house (he's terrified of ghosts), and forces him sleep in her bed. Too many disturbing things to count, and that is only what he has shared...so far. Nothing serious has happened (yet), so we cannot take any legal action.

Q: How can we help our grandson? What can we do to offset the abuse our beautiful grandson is experiencing? All of us on the paternal side of our grandson's family is on board and supportive.
HELP!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[By Still Water]

Hello Grammie J,
   I am surely no expert on this. Looking back on my childhood in which my mother would go off in BPD rages (not on a regular basis, yet my four sisters and I have had scars), I know that the little affirmation I received from outsiders (church, teachers, etc.) meant so much. (We did not have grandparents.) As a teen, I had struggled with self-assertiveness and confidence. Continuing to give him a safe place in which he is welcome to express his own opinions will mean a lot to him. Certainly, you are giving your grandson affirmation and love. Regular verbal valuations for his contributions and gifts will also mean a lot to his feelings of self-worth. I hope that your taking stock of what you surely do bring to the table will give you some hope.