Wife BPD

[kindness22]

New member here.  I have been with my wife for 25 years.  For a long time I just thought that she was a difficult person and it would get better.  We have 4 children, 3 are out of house and one is a senior in high school.  For many years I have succumbed to her abuse in the name of having a peaceful household for the children.  She has accused me of things that I did not do including at times saying that I tried to hurt her.  I have endured a life of her perceiving situations with people as a threat and any discussion with her is considered a threat.  I am a very outgoing person, but this has caused me to go into a shell.  For 2 years now I have been seeing a psychiatrist and have been on medication to handle the situation.  Even with this I am at the end of my rope.  She continues to think that everyone else is the problem and that she has nothing to do with my current condition.  Our children have suffered. In our most serious discussions in the last year I have tried to gently get her into see a psychiatrist but she won't go.  Again, she thinks that I am the problem.  She grew up with parents that were very hard on the kids and squashed their individualism.  I am at the point now where my nerves are shot.  So many years of being with her and she thinks that I looked at her wrong or said something intentionally disrespectful and then gives me the silent treatment, sometimes for days.  Many times I didn't even know what she was mad about.  She is a good person inside but if she won't get help I feel like I have to remove myself from the situation as my mental health is not good now.  This has been the most difficult thing to deal with in my life.  I don't want to be away from the family and I feel helpless.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[outhere]

Hi kindness.  Thanks for sharing your experience, your situation sounds familiar to me and I'm sure many others here - you're not alone.  Do you do talk-therapy with your psychiatrist?  If not, I find it very helpful to be able to speak to someone openly about what I'm going through, perhaps that would help you as well.  Maintaining contact with friends and family seems important, do you have people you can chat with?  Also, there tons of resources on this site and elsewhere (books, etc) that could help you better understand the condition, which could be helpful to you.  Being a partner of someone with mental illness isn't easy - I wish you all the best.

[healthfreedom4s]

Hi Kindness, I have been with my uBPDw for seventeen years and I have two kids. I can totally relate to what you describe - especially your own mental health. For years, I couldn't understand her condition. I pivoted to possibility of BPD in the recent years. I found this forum in Feb this year and it has made a big difference. I could not imagine living this year without the knowledge and support of this forum. My wife set the divorce process in motion three weeks back. I am torn in dealing with it, with two elementary level kids in the mix.
To get the full benefit of this forum, please go ahead and describe your IMMEDIATE challenges / crossroads in how much ever detail that you like. We have senior members and moderators that offer ideas / perspectives from their experience.
You have found a home. Welcome!

[SaltyDawg]

kindness22,

   Similar boat as you.  2 kids, been together almost 22 years (next month), married for 19-1/2 doing almost the exact same thing as you.  Continue to get therapy, as I find that very helpful.

   Read and vent, ask questions, get an emotional release here.