Thoughts?

[Carguy]

Hey fam! So I haven't been on in a bit but I'm at work so I'll have to update later. I have a question. Do borderlines tend to block at times to see your reaction or if you'll react? Especially if you have in the past (trying to reach out).

[SinisterComplex]

Hey fam! So I haven't been on in a bit but I'm at work so I'll have to update later. I have a question. Do borderlines tend to block at times to see your reaction or if you'll react? Especially if you have in the past (trying to reach out).

CG, how are you doing my friend?

Well, you are not necessarily on the wrong track. BPD sufferers don't this as a whole. Could some of them do it? Yes. Do BPD sufferers do things to get a reaction out of you...100%. Keep in mind a lot of BPD sufferers have to rely on the external since they lack when it comes to the internal. Make sense?

Now that should not be misconstrued as though I am saying this is just BPD related...this behavior unfortunately is common among many people who are insecure and immature...disordered or not.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[once removed]

Do borderlines tend to block at times to see your reaction or if you'll react? Especially if you have in the past (trying to reach out).

i suspect the context is important here.

you say youve done this (trying to reach out) in the past.

is she blocking you because she doesnt want to be contacted? has she told you that she has previously blocked you to see how you would react (how did you react?)?

you know her best. what preceded the block?  

[Carguy]

Hey Sinister! I'm doing pretty good! I've been quite busy lately working on my projects and getting things done! It feels great! Also I've been getting out going hiking and to a concert with my best friend and son. It's been great and I feel I'm getting back to myself a little at a time! How have you been my friend?

Hey Once Removed! How have you been?

So I'll update and give some background here. At the end of June we both agree it's not working. A few days later I reached out via text and she responded. She said she didn't want to let go either. She loved me with all her being. Somewhere during this time she was also asking my advice on a guy that was coming on to her and making her feel uncomfortable. A few days later we spent the 4th of July together. She seemed distant and at times irritable. I didn't push anything. The next day I didn't call, text, or see her and two days later in a text she thanked me for the advice  and said we need to be done and go our separate ways. I just text her "Wish you all the best."

When we were together i followed her on TikTok and we followed each other on the language site Duolingo. A week after our split I reached out in a text in response to her newest TikTok video with positive comments telling her she is lovable and worthy of love. After sending the message I found that I likely had been blocked prior to the message. I left it alone and didn't reach out anymore.

I seen her in public a few times but didn't bother her. About a month later she sent a message to my ex-wife and kids trying to 'heal things'. My kids and ex don't really want anything to do with her at this point. In the letter part of it sounded like she was looking out for me and trying to promote a closer relationship between my kids and I and the other part she was blaming me for everything. My ex-wife didn't like it.

I seen her a few days later and told her thanks for trying to look out for me and promote a closer relationship. I told her they aren't going to respond and it upset her. I told her we could talk more about it sometime if she wanted. Almost a week later she text saying she wanted to talk more about it. We talked and she just got upset more claiming my family were hypocrites and them not responding was abuse and told me a big reason she couldn't be with me was because of my family. We talked a little longer then neither had anything else to say. We didn't argue or anything. I went home and haven't text, reached out, or anything. I've seen her in public a few times and kept my distance.

Anyhow after we broke up we both continued with our language lessons on Duolingo. When she would reach an achievement it would notify me to click the button to send a congratulations and I would. When I reached an achievement she would send one back. Almost two weeks ago it notified me that she had started doing lessons again after not doing them in probably a month so I clicked to send a congratulations. A week later it notified she had a 7 day streak. I clicked again. The other day I noticed I had only 1 follower now and I wasn't following anyone. Yup, blocked. A few days later I was blocked on TikTok. Other than that one text in response to her video I have never commented or liked her videos on there. In our past the only time she's blocked me is when I've tried to reach out through whatever media. When I seen this there was a part of me that wanted to react (block her on Facebook) but I have realized I am a reactionary person and have been learning to not react.

She has never admitted she has done things like that to see what I do BUT she recently made the comment that the only way she can get what she wants is to scare me by breaking up or leaving me or something. I also noticed in the past at times when we were apart she would at times pop up in what seemed unusual places to me. Someone told me she would do this to try to stay in my view and keep her on my mind.

I read a thing once that BPD people do everything for a purpose and that always stuck in the back of my mind. In our past I have reacted to a unfriending or a block by trying to reach out or a time or two by blocking her as well. I don't know if part of this is her seeing if I react so she can see if she still has some of my attention or not. I suspect it's a combination of many things but I have chosen not to do anything and be more aware of my reacting. It doesn't serve me for the most part. I'm starting to enjoy life again and getting back to my lighthearted self.

[khibomsis]

Dear Carguy, here I am still on this board detaching once again. I must be making people dizzy
I ask myself why do I fall for it every time? And work on me. So glad you have lots to occupy you.
 

[Carguy]

Hey Khibomsis! How have you been!

I'm sorry to hear this but I completely understand! I have the same thoughts about myself!

I sometimes think people on here have to be thinking 'He's detaching again?"

But I think a lot of people can relate to us on here too. 

[SinisterComplex]

Dear Carguy, here I am still on this board detaching once again. I must be making people dizzy
I ask myself why do I fall for it every time? And work on me. So glad you have lots to occupy you.
 

Khib, not to jhijack CG's thread here, but you are a welcomed productive and constructive member of the community here. Don't be so hard on yourself. You still have your own learning and growing to do which you are aware of, but you do a good job helping other members here too. Keep your head up!

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[SinisterComplex]

Hey Sinister! I'm doing pretty good! I've been quite busy lately working on my projects and getting things done! It feels great! Also I've been getting out going hiking and to a concert with my best friend and son. It's been great and I feel I'm getting back to myself a little at a time! How have you been my friend?

I am happy to hear this CG. Crawl before you can walk, walk before you can run. Brick by brick, step by step you will get to where you want to be. It is a process and takes time, but you are on the right track. I am surviving and doing what I do best...plotting and strategizing new and efficient ways to make myself better and others better. IE...research nerd overload...hahaha. LOL 

Cheers and best wishes amigo!

-SC-

[khibomsis]

Hey Carguy and SC, thank you for your support! We have walked a long way together. I love this community as we nurse each other back to health!
Not to worry about me. Working my way through the 7 stages of grief and hope to reach acceptance soon. It was the perfect storm. We were stable. Things were going well and you know by the 6 year mark you start to reach real intimacy. You can't BS each other any more because you know each other too well. Suddenly real trust starts to grow.  In non relationships that can be the point at which the relationship really starts to blossom. In BPD land it is the moment they run. They cannot bear that you should know the real them and cannot believe you would love them regardless. It is what it is.
Carguy,  wonder if that is not the point which the two you reached too?
Either way, we live to enjoy another day. Thanks to these boards.
 
   

[Carguy]

Lol, thanks Sinister! I'm glad you are researching and also helping others as well! That's awesome!

Khibomsis, it very well could be part of it! There is part of me in the recent past that wondered and felt like she was looking for the reasons why she loved me or why i loved her. It was like she was trying to figure out what it was because maybe she doesnt believe she could be loved. For awhile she kept saying she believed we were addicted to each other. Recently she was saying it was codependency and reading books and watching TikTok videos on it. I believe those things definitely played a part in it all but the way she approached it seemed like she wanted to believe it was solely these things and I couldn't really love her. From what I have learned about this disorder, it makes sense.

How are you doing lately?

[khibomsis]

Carguy, I am good. Hope you too! Detachment hit a pausebutton because she has a family member in ER, am conflicted but not an asshole. So doing my best to be kind and supportive while retaining some sense of boundaries with style and grace. Rest on serenity prayer often. Fundamentally it doesn't matter if I love someone if she doesn't feel she deserves to be loved. Her world is compartmentalized to cope and she trusts no one to know every compartment. Least of all herself. That is not within my control. I see healing, those years of therapy worked, still she dares not let go of old coping mechanisms.  See, that is not about me. Never was.
So that's my suss on the pushmi-pullyu. It is sad seeing someone you love go back and forward with herself like that. But like @ForeverDad once said to me: How many times do you want a ring side seat to the drama?
That has stuck with me.  I had a few friend dates planned so I go out now and then in a crew. Fun, easy, safe. And it passes the time pleasantly.
And you my friend? What's your answer to that question?
 

[imstillhere89]

My ex was constantly blocking and unblocking me everywhere after all breakups. One time I have had enough of this so I blocked him everywhere too, thinking "that's it, I have had enough!" But 2 days later he bought another sim card and texted me from another number..

I think there might be few reasons they do that:
*to get reaction
*to punish us
*to convince themselves they are done with us

[Carguy]

Khibomsis.

I totally understand being conflicted. We have compassion and are not cold or heartless.

My ex use to say she had to compartmentalize. Something I had read about them doing so it caught my ear. My ex is aware there are problems and seems to keep self diagnosing from videos and books. They are issues she has but I don't believe they are the main problem. She continues to have to same things come up and sometimes they seem to get worse.

It really is hard to see and continue with someone you love but you're right, it's not truly about us. I keep telling myself that and can see it to a point with her. I have my own issues but a lot of the problems that arose the last while between us were perplexing and didn't make sense.

This last time what seems to have set things in motion were we were having some struggles. One night she wanted to come down for dinner. I agreed then she remembered our struggles and asked if it was ok. I said yes. During this time my son text me unexpectedly and wanted to come down. Because of the tension between my ex and him and the fact that her and I were going to talk I told him I had plans but wanted to see him and I wanted to make plans with him for another night. I had told her this. After she had been there awhile and started quizing me on this I told her he had asked me what I was doing and I had told him that she and I were going to talk and he said ok. She got really upset accusing him of trying to cause problems and that I didn't tell her. She told me I have to tell her EVERYTHING that is said between my son and I. Even though I strongly disagree with that I didn't respond because of how upset she was and I could see it leading to a heated argument. She then left and I didn't try to stop her. She text me later saying she felt alone, uncared for, and unsafe and needed space. She ended up ending it after that.

Other than that I'm doing good! I've been getting projects done and trying to get ready for winter here. I've also been very busy at work! How have you been lately?

Imstillhere,

I agree on all of that. Mine has blocked before and left me blocked for long periods. She blocked me on Facebook years ago and even though we had got back together she left me blocked. We were together and she asked my opinion on one of her posts. I told her I couldn't see cause she had me blocked. She said she posted it public so I should be able to see it. I showed her and she just said huh and left me blocked. It wasn't until we broke up later and after a cold text from her (she's usually cold when we're broke up) I told her I was going no contact. She did a 180, text the next day apologizing and unexpectedly unblocked me. I suspect it was to see if there was another girl but whatever.

So the latest. I've been doing good, getting projects done, and staying busy. Several weeks ago I bought a new battery and some oil for my one project car. On my lunch break I took back my old battery and the oil I didn't need for a refund at the place she works. She usually works the check-out but that day she was working customer service with another girl she's friends with. The other girl helped me of course and started up a casual, friendly conversation with me. We were chatting when another girl she is also friends with came over and asked this girl to go help with something. This other girl took over helping me and started up a casual, friendly conversation with me too. We chatted then I told her to have a good day and left. The whole time I didn't look or acknowledge my ex. She had unfollowed and blocked me on Duolingo and TikTok. That sent a strong message that she wants to be left alone and wants nothing to do with me. The day after I had returned these items I had noticed she finally blocked me on Facebook right after that. I'm guessing as retaliation and punishment. I haven't interacted with her in several months on Facebook. Apparently it must have upset her. Since then I have seen her maybe once or twice there when I needed some items and I just keep walking and she ignores my presence. It has gotten to where it really doesn't bother me much anymore. I've came to accept that this is how she copes and it's not completely about me.

[khibomsis]

Dear Carguy, it is good to hear from you and that you are doing well! I am glad you are working on your projects and processing your emotions! Well done also for behaving with dignity and keeping your business errand business like.
I can't be sure what''s up with your friend. I think the stuff over your son may be jealousy. Jealousy and fear. The former because you have what she doesn't: sanity. I never thought of it until my therapist pointed it out and it makes a whole lot of sense to me. It helped me understand why so very little of what I did could actually change her attitudes to me. After all, it was so very much not about me, but about the things I had that she didn't. She both coveted and resented them which made, as you can see, for a very complicated relationship.  Your friend may be jealous of your son who has a secure place in your life while she doesn't. The blow-up is a bit of a blessing in disguise, if so, because I doubt she will ever change. PwBPD are very insecure and we have seen many times on these boards  that isolating people from their family,  or else a life long pitched battle, are both very common.
And fear that you may tell other people of what she is really like. We lose our sense of self in these relationships, and one of the things that helps us regain one is seeing compassion in another's eyes. PwBPD fear that we will remember what we have lost.
Carguy, you can't control what she does, only how you respond to it. I would suggest maybe a consistent LC rather than this backing and forwarding?
You will ride this merry-go-round until you are tired of it. Radical acceptance helps.
Social media - hey, that way lies madness.  I can't spare much time, we are very busy at work too, and that is definitely for the best.
I am doing ok. I have understood that total NC is not possible, we have too much business together. So I am polite and try not to get sucked in. See nothing wrong with the theory that as long as we both make money it can't be all bad. I learnt young that if a problem looks unsolvable, fix the part  you can fix and then look at it again. Maybe it will be easier. In the meantime I shut up and focus on the business which works just fine for me.

 

 

[brighter future]

Carguy,

Hello old friend. I just wanted to take a moment to say hello as it's been a little while. I think you are headed in the right direction and see things a lot clearer than you did. Keep on doing what you're doing and move forward at your own pace. Also, please keep updating us on your status. I still try to drop in a few times a week to see what's going on in the forum and find out how everyone is doing.

I'm still doing well with my new girlfriend. We've been together for about 16 months now. Last night we were out Halloweening in the neighborhood with our kids and ran into my ex with her two kids. I haven't spoken to her in over a year (she stopped contacting me a few months after I started seeing my present g/f). She said hello to my daughter and said "hey" to me in passing while I was walking beside my g/f. I acknowledged her and said "Hello, how are you?" It was a bit on the awkward side for me. I imagine it was for her and my girlfriend as well. I found out the other day that she recently married the guy that she hooked up with after leaving her ex-husband, then supposedly discarded to be with me, only to leave me and go back to him. As I said in another thread a few minutes ago, I've sometimes wondered if she's messing around and talking to other men behind his back. History has a habit of repeating itself.  I ran into her ex-husband a little over a year ago August 2021. He apparently caught her talking to several other guys on and off during their marriage and told me that I "dodged a bullet" by not marrying her. Just thankful that I'm not in that circus any longer.

Best wishes, my friend.

[Carguy]

Thanks Khibomsis!

I believe there is jealousy there along with insecurities. The idea of jealousy over being sane is an interesting point i never thought about.

Her and my son had a falling out a few years ago after she upset him over his mother. Their relationship had been strained since. Earlier today I was even reading over some old text messages from her this last summer and one was saying how she wasn't coming to my house one day because he might show up. It put me in a difficult spot.

Her and I actually talked maybe two months ago now. It was about the response from my family over the letter she sent them a few weeks earlier. Part of the letter she was caring about me and trying to encourage closer relationships between I and my two sons and the other part she was blaming me for all that was wrong in the relationship. She pointed out the times I reacted poorly (and I did!) but the only blame she took was that 'she enabled bad behaviour.'

My family chose to not respond to her and she was quite upset. She told me that them not responding to her was abusive to her and kept saying they were hypocrites. She also told me the reason she couldn't be with me was because of my family. She blames me then she blames my family.

I believe living in a small area we will run into each other off and on. I just keep LC and keep to myself and go about my business.

Hi Brighter Future!

It's good to hear from you again my old friend!

That is awesome that you are doing well with the new girlfriend! That makes me smile!

I would feel awkward myself in that situation. I wouldn't be surprised if she was talking to other guys. I read another post on here earlier and found it interesting that his exBPD broke up with him but then was upset when he started dating other girls. I remember this same thing happening to me. I was a horrible person for going on a date with another girl EVEN THOUGH she was the one that ended it with me. In this post the girl told him to move on with his life. The same exact thing mine said!

They sure do struggle to stay committed to a relationship! It's sad really because I believe that most likely in the end a lot of them will end up alone later in life.

There were a few times we talked about marriage and at one point were engaged. I look back and even though I love and care about her, I am SO glad we didn't marry. I can only imagine how much harder it would be and I am VERY thankful we don't have children together. I've seen how chaotic things get between her 2nd ex-husband and her over their kids. For the first while she had me convinced he was the jerk but eventually I could see it wasn't all him. I think a lot of his attitude towards her was possibly reaction to how she acted towards him.

It's great to hear from you again my friend! Best wishes as well!

[brighter future]

I would feel awkward myself in that situation. I wouldn't be surprised if she was talking to other guys. I read another post on here earlier and found it interesting that his exBPD broke up with him but then was upset when he started dating other girls. I remember this same thing happening to me. I was a horrible person for going on a date with another girl EVEN THOUGH she was the one that ended it with me. In this post the girl told him to move on with his life. The same exact thing mine said!

They sure do struggle to stay committed to a relationship! It's sad really because I believe that most likely in the end a lot of them will end up alone later in life.

It's great to hear from you again my friend! Best wishes as well!

Maybe her seeing me with my new g/f the other night bothered her, who knows. She did have an odd look on her face at the time and was nervous laughing like she usually does.  It really doesn't matter too much to me though. You're right about them having trouble moving on. Shortly before our breakup, her ex-husband announced his engagement to a woman who has several kids. She became very upset about that and totally shut down on me for a few days. She explained to me that she was angry because he was marrying a woman with several children and didn't want more kids with her. That puzzles me as to why she wanted more kids with him because she frequently trash talked her ex-husband just like your ex did with her ex-husband. It made no sense to me at all. If you're unhappy with someone and the marriage, why bring more kids into the word with them?

I've come to believe that these people live in a fantasy world most of the time, and they also live in the past as well. That probably explains why all of our photos from when we were together are still on her social media page. A friend alerted me about that, and a quick check myself confirmed it. Even though I removed her from my social media, I could still see most of her photos. To me, that's just weird. I deleted the same photos off of my page 2-3 months after the breakup happened. I would think that her new husband would have an issue with that. Maybe he just doesn't  care.

I recall a member here saying in an older post (wish I could remember who): pwBPD love the thought of being married, but they don't like being married. I guess the fantasy part is marrying their perfect person that is going to change their life forever. Once the marriage takes place and reality sets in, then the fear of engulfment kicks in. Finally, all hell breaks loose so to speak.

Keep in touch, old friend. Thanks for your compliments about my current relationship. My hope is that you can find someone that makes you happy very soon!

[khibomsis]

Hey Carguy, good to hear you are healing! You too brighter future! It keeps me coming back to these boards, I have seen healing so many times over the years.
I am still enjoying outcomes independence and authenticity. Especially after CoVID it seems to me that one can't waste a minute being somebody I'm not. Oddly enough it seems to be working. My exupwBPD is actually more stable and sensible than she's been in a long time. Go figure.

Carguy, I think your ex was triangulating you with your family. It was a way to get closer to you, probably she blames your family for what went wrong between you because, you know, she can't see her own actions as responsible for events. I thought you handled it well, and your family. Good that you got good people around you!

I think we move on in our own time, when we are ready. Me, this shutting up and focusing on business is suiting me just fine.   Not ready for new complications just yet.

 

[Carguy]

Finally getting around to responding and updating! Lol.

 Brighter Future,

Mine told me numerous times that she wished she would have had her kids with me instead of her ex. With the way things have went I'm glad we didn't have kids together. That would have been even harder.

Up until she blocked me she still had pictures of us on her Facebook. After being blocked I'm not sure. In the past she deleted one or two (I think when Facebook brought it up as a memory she deleted those) but still had others she kept when we broke up so they may still be there. Who knows?

The marriage thing makes sense. We talked about marriage several times in the past. After a few break-ups i became leary when she would bring it up when we got back together. We can't even be in a relationship for more than a few months and she wants marriage? I doubt that if we did get engaged and set a date that we would make it to that date before she broke up with me yet again. On top of that  divorce would have been even worse than a break-up.

Thank you on those hopes. I hope to find someone as well but I'm not sure I'm ready just yet.

Khibomsis,

I've spent a lot of years being someone I'm not. Something I'm trying to change now. That sounds great that it seems to be working for you!  

I'm pretty sure she was triangulating us. She would blame both them and I for why we couldn't be together. To me it seems like the last few break-ups were over odd reasons. Things that didn't make a lot of sense to me as to why we would break up. She has told me in the past that it was all the other hurts in the past from me as well that added up because they were unhealed. I would ask how we heal those or tell her let's heal them and even though we would talk about them just like we had numerous times before it didn't make a difference in the end. She would take something else as a hurt and bring up all the old stuff.

I don't think any of us need any new complications right now!  



So the latest. Anytime I seen her in the grocery store while she was working and I was shopping she would look away and ignore my existence if she seen me. I would just leave her alone and go about my business. Two weeks ago I got paid and needed to do a grocery shopping trip. I was running out of things. Saturday morning I went shopping and she was there working. I seen her car but not her. I do my shopping and go through the self checkout. While I'm scanning my stuff I look up to see her coming in from outside. She had been collecting the shopping carts. She went over and stood behind the customer service desk. The self checkout I'm on is directly in front of customer service. I continue what I'm doing. The lady on the self checkout on the other side of mine needs help. Before the guy taking care of these checkouts can get over there she hurried over to help. So now she is right in front of me on the other side maybe 5 feet away. I just keep looking down at what I'm doing. I hear her tell the guy that is taking care of these checkouts that she can take over. He tells her she doesn't need to. She leaves. A minute later I'm still scanning my stuff and I look up. She is walking past me again and looking right at me with her head cocked a little and a smile almost as if saying "Hey I'm right here. Do you see me? Hi!" I look down for a second or two then up again and she is still looking at me like this. It was obvious she was wanting my attention. She wanted me to notice her. I'm assuming that was why she rushed over to help that person and also tell her co-worker she could take over there. So it seems it went from ignoring my existence to this...whatever this is. It was a bit confusing and I wasn't sure how to react to that.

[SinisterComplex]

Finally getting around to responding and updating! Lol.

 Brighter Future,

Mine told me numerous times that she wished she would have had her kids with me instead of her ex. With the way things have went I'm glad we didn't have kids together. That would have been even harder.

Up until she blocked me she still had pictures of us on her Facebook. After being blocked I'm not sure. In the past she deleted one or two (I think when Facebook brought it up as a memory she deleted those) but still had others she kept when we broke up so they may still be there. Who knows?

The marriage thing makes sense. We talked about marriage several times in the past. After a few break-ups i became leary when she would bring it up when we got back together. We can't even be in a relationship for more than a few months and she wants marriage? I doubt that if we did get engaged and set a date that we would make it to that date before she broke up with me yet again. On top of that  divorce would have been even worse than a break-up.

Thank you on those hopes. I hope to find someone as well but I'm not sure I'm ready just yet.

Khibomsis,

I've spent a lot of years being someone I'm not. Something I'm trying to change now. That sounds great that it seems to be working for you!  

I'm pretty sure she was triangulating us. She would blame both them and I for why we couldn't be together. To me it seems like the last few break-ups were over odd reasons. Things that didn't make a lot of sense to me as to why we would break up. She has told me in the past that it was all the other hurts in the past from me as well that added up because they were unhealed. I would ask how we heal those or tell her let's heal them and even though we would talk about them just like we had numerous times before it didn't make a difference in the end. She would take something else as a hurt and bring up all the old stuff.

I don't think any of us need any new complications right now!  



So the latest. Anytime I seen her in the grocery store while she was working and I was shopping she would look away and ignore my existence if she seen me. I would just leave her alone and go about my business. Two weeks ago I got paid and needed to do a grocery shopping trip. I was running out of things. Saturday morning I went shopping and she was there working. I seen her car but not her. I do my shopping and go through the self checkout. While I'm scanning my stuff I look up to see her coming in from outside. She had been collecting the shopping carts. She went over and stood behind the customer service desk. The self checkout I'm on is directly in front of customer service. I continue what I'm doing. The lady on the self checkout on the other side of mine needs help. Before the guy taking care of these checkouts can get over there she hurried over to help. So now she is right in front of me on the other side maybe 5 feet away. I just keep looking down at what I'm doing. I hear her tell the guy that is taking care of these checkouts that she can take over. He tells her she doesn't need to. She leaves. A minute later I'm still scanning my stuff and I look up. She is walking past me again and looking right at me with her head cocked a little and a smile almost as if saying "Hey I'm right here. Do you see me? Hi!" I look down for a second or two then up again and she is still looking at me like this. It was obvious she was wanting my attention. She wanted me to notice her. I'm assuming that was why she rushed over to help that person and also tell her co-worker she could take over there. So it seems it went from ignoring my existence to this...whatever this is. It was a bit confusing and I wasn't sure how to react to that.

My friend I know you have been put through the ringer and I know your confidence has been flipped on it's head. Where I will reassure you...I think you know the answer. You essentially answered your own question. Just read your last paragraph back to yourself again...it should click. Don't doubt yourself. You've been through enough S that you know a lot more than you give yourself credit for. So head up good sir. Keep moving forward.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[khibomsis]

Dear Carguy, you have been through so much! And done so much work. Not to worry, she will push-pull as the fancy takes her. What matters is that you are focusing on you and how you are feeling. She can no longer manipulate you, and though it might be hard at first she will respect you more for it.
I'm doing great. Have discovered that I can too dysregulate so likewise focusing on me and trying to sort my stuff out. Getting a handle on my triggers. Down with anosognosia    

I have decided if she mirrors then surely it is up to me to decide on what I see in the mirror? So my concentration is on a positive attitude and a calm spirit. What will be will be.