Deep sense of disgust, horror, disbelief, shock

[NarcsEverywhere]

Now that I'm not overly paranoid about my Dad. A lot of feelings are popping up, now that I can somewhat relax, after setting strong boundaries with my Dad and spending more time in my room. Just the fact that he's dismantled me, and hurt me, probably my Mom, my dogs, and such, all out of a need to control, power, getting glee out of hurting, degrading, and stealing my happiness, then being some rescuer.

I'm almost positive that he's a Covert Narcissist. I knew he had a lot of issues, I just never realized it was this bad. And I gotta be honest, he's been really good, at manipulating things, because he puts on this huge front all the time, that makes him seem like a caring, well intentioned person, then has a plethora of manipulation tactics, a lot of them subtle, that prod your anxieties, gaslight you, cross your boundaries, degrade you, hurt you deeply, and even a few times physical with me, when I was injured. It's like he's playing out this fantasy of being the good Samaritan, while doing pretty despicable things.

As I process things, and reassess the past. I feel this overwhelming sense of disgust and horror, along with anger, and sorrow, overwhelm me. I just can't believe he's like this. It's so disgusting, and so counter to who I thought he was, that it makes me want to puke. It makes me want to puke and horrifies me that he's caused so much damage to the people who tried to be most helpful and kind to him.

Anyone been through this before? And if so, does it pass? I feel so overwhelmed by it, that I wonder if I'm just ruminating too much, or something, or if this is all just a part of the process? Yuck, yuck, yuck, this is what I feel, yuck.